One To Read

[Jeevan]

Shame

Jasvinder Sanghera

These women live in terror, and honour-based violence is at the root of all their fears.'SHAME is the heart-rending true story of a young girl's escape from a nightmare. Overwhelmed and alone, Jasvinder was 15 when she ran away from home to escape a forced marriage to a much older man she'd never met. She had to move constantly, ever wary of being tracked down for betraying her family's honour. Her three years in hiding ended with the news that her sister Robina had committed suicide by setting herself alight-because she was being so badly abused by her husband. At the funeral the family ostracised Jasvinder and twenty years later, her sisters still refuse to speak to her. Jasvinder has since educated herself, become a parent and founded a shelter for women fleeing their families in similar circumstances-and in many cases, fearful for their lives. Even today, she still receives threats on the lives of her children from the families of the women she cares for. This is her story.

ISBN 0340924616

Format Paperback

Dymock's Price:$35.00

http://dymocks.com.au/productdetails/produ...px?R=0340924616

[anjaan]

Thanks for the link to the book, will definitely be reading it, I have communicated with Jasvinder a few times via email, one time being after her appearance on an ITV debate show called “it’s my life” I think Nama Singh can comment in more detail about that as he was there also. She did make some points AGAINST Sikhism, but that was based on her own experience of Sikhi and the stuff her parents had forced her to believe. Its saddening to see someone was pushed away from the faith due to beliefs that were thrust upon her which have nothing at all to do with Sikhi. It’s a shame when parents use the Sikhi dig to back up their own views of forced marriage etc!

Anyway below is an extract from the mail I sent and received from her if anyone wishes to read it!

Subject: "its my life"

Dear Jasvinder,

I watched “it’s my life” (ITV1, 27/03/06 00.10hrs) and write this mail in response.

I think it’s a shame that the Sikh women you talked about had to endure what they have and what they no doubtedly still do. And it was also very saddening to hear about your experiences with your family and Sikhism.

I agreed with the comments you made on the program about your parents making you believe certain things

were part of Sikhi such as caste, forced marriage etc, it is unfortunately still prevalent today.

I think the manner in which you expressed your opinions on Sikhism was a bit harsh and unnecessary and definitely a view from someone who has not experienced or even learnt of Sikhism, I really hope you do not take offence by what I say. Because Sikhism gave equality, power and rights to women from day one, when Hindu women were being burned alive on funeral pyres of their husbands it was our Guru Sahibs who condemned this, when Muslim women were forced to wear purda again it was our Guru ji’s who spoke out against this. Same with caste, equality comes into play in the langar concept, as one example, everyone working, sharing, eating, serving together etc, BUT it is the PUNJABI MENTALITY that has let the Sikh community down. For me ‘Punjabism’ and Sikhism are

two totally separate things. On one hand Punjabi cultural issues are rooted in caste prejudice as an example and on the other hand Sikhism forbids this. I think it’s up to the individual to decide which they would rather follow, for me Sikhsim is a way of life, not just something I do on the weekend, and I think I can differentiate between being Punjabi and Sikh. I don’t (like most Sikhs born in the Diaspora) have this backward, ‘village-fied’, repressive mentality and therefore don’t host the same views as my parents or grandparents might have for example. So what we find in turn is that we are more liberal and understanding of Sikhism than maybe our parents were and therefore perhaps it is our duty to explain this……………….

...........because too many lives are being ruined under the banner of “this is the Sikh way of doing things”. I have a friend at your centre that was moved there last

year, a girl from ***** called ************************* who came to live in **********. She was treated really badly by her in-laws and husband and it was a shame to see what they had reduced her to.

I hope you understand the issues I am trying to raise.......

………………..even if one parent was to think twice we could help a family from breaking up!!................................................

Thanks for reading!

All the best for the future

God bless and protect

****** Kaur

Dear ******,

Thank you so much for your email which was very touching, may I firstly apologise if you were at all offended at this was not my intention. I have to say that I personally think Sikhism is a wonderful religion as most religions its foundation is built on the grounds of compassion. Sadly it was used against me in such a way that I as a young person did not get to experience it as you are and I am so pleased to hear that you derive so much

strength from your religion. I personally am now a baptised Christian and it is my faith that sustains me so I understand what you mean, maybe it would have been different for me if someone had taught me different? ............................................................

…………………………..Once again thank you for responding, whenever I speak I try to give a view that is based on fact and when I speak from experience I do just that which is never meant to be disrespectful.

All best wishes,

God bless,

Jasvinder Sanghera

**also forgot to add, none the less, she is doing a great job helping women who have been abused on all grounds!