Amrit Now? Or Wait For Gf? Help

[simonsandhar]

Vaheguroo Ji Ka Khalsa

Vaheguroo Ji Ki Fateh

ok heres the situation. fell in love with a girl 3 yrs ago, thing is she lives in canada and i live in uk. were both 20 and visit eachother every 4-6 months(ish). everyone knows about us, i get on with her family and we want to get married in a couple of years. i booked my tickets for this dec and were planning to get our engagement done. ive had darshan of a great Sant a few times within these same 3 yrs and ive been getting into Sikhi more and more heavily.

i recently asked Sant Ji what i should do about this situation and he said to have a good talk with her and ask her to get on the path aswell. then he suggested i take Amrit at the next Sanchaar if possible which scared the poo outta me. and he said its good if shes already into Sikhi, and she mighted have started a little later than me, but he was very serious when he said its up to you whether u want to take my word or not! lol im scared im gunna die soon now or something and i generally want to take Amrit asap anyways.

another thing is that my gf thinks our relationship is going downhill because i dont give her the same attention that i used to and thats generally because as we get older we have more responsibilities, problems, stress and less time, but we still love eachother and want to grow old together. shes a good person and interested in Sikhi but she doesnt want to dive in. i emphasise to her that every breath is counted and theyre running out but shes hesitant because of facial hair and other silly things like that. shes doesnt drink or smoke, shes veggie and she tries to go to the Gurudwara and listen to Simran every day which is great.

its hard because i dont want her to hold me back, but at the same time i want us to be together. i dont want to forsake Sant Ji's bachan and i want to take Amrit preferably by summer next year and i told her this but she still says she doesnt think shell be ready for then. i think she isnt really influenced by good sangat either, as in she doesnt really find good Singhanees to be influenced by. she finds them all heavily egotistical and that they tend to shun people. she sees Sikhi as a great way ahead, she knows its right but i think she somehow thinks taking Amrit is the final step, the kind of thing you do when ur old. and she doesnt really see the validity in Sant Ji's bachan because she sees so many fake Saadu Sants its unreal (canada - surrey...).

today we threw a few ultimatums at eachother but were scared to face them. im basically saying i want to take Amrit if not this year, definately by the end of next year. shes saying, i want to do it too but she wants me to wait until shes ready so we can take it together. but shes admitted that she truly wants to take it after were married so she can look "good" on the day of our wedding ... lol. we're just at a point where we're facing the reality and wondering if we can go on.

the only logical things i can think of is either we take it together next summer, or i take it when i come back from canada in january and she takes it when she comes here in summer, or i take it when i come back, we take a break until were ready to get married and then she takes it just before the wedding. but i dont think the break thing would work.

HELP KHALSA JI

[xHarinder_singh]

Vaheguroo Ji Ka Khalsa

Vaheguroo Ji Ki Fateh

ok heres the situation. fell in love with a girl 3 yrs ago, thing is she lives in canada and i live in uk. were both 20 and visit eachother every 4-6 months(ish). everyone knows about us, i get on with her family and we want to get married in a couple of years. i booked my tickets for this dec and were planning to get our engagement done. ive had darshan of a great Sant a few times within these same 3 yrs and ive been getting into Sikhi more and more heavily.

i recently asked Sant Ji what i should do about this situation and he said to have a good talk with her and ask her to get on the path aswell. then he suggested i take Amrit at the next Sanchaar if possible which scared the poo outta me. and he said its good if shes already into Sikhi, and she mighted have started a little later than me, but he was very serious when he said its up to you whether u want to take my word or not! lol im scared im gunna die soon now or something and i generally want to take Amrit asap anyways.

another thing is that my gf thinks our relationship is going downhill because i dont give her the same attention that i used to and thats generally because as we get older we have more responsibilities, problems, stress and less time, but we still love eachother and want to grow old together. shes a good person and interested in Sikhi but she doesnt want to dive in. i emphasise to her that every breath is counted and theyre running out but shes hesitant because of facial hair and other silly things like that. shes doesnt drink or smoke, shes veggie and she tries to go to the Gurudwara and listen to Simran every day which is great.

its hard because i dont want her to hold me back, but at the same time i want us to be together. i dont want to forsake Sant Ji's bachan and i want to take Amrit preferably by summer next year and i told her this but she still says she doesnt think shell be ready for then. i think she isnt really influenced by good sangat either, as in she doesnt really find good Singhanees to be influenced by. she finds them all heavily egotistical and that they tend to shun people. she sees Sikhi as a great way ahead, she knows its right but i think she somehow thinks taking Amrit is the final step, the kind of thing you do when ur old. and she doesnt really see the validity in Sant Ji's bachan because she sees so many fake Saadu Sants its unreal (canada - surrey...).

today we threw a few ultimatums at eachother but were scared to face them. im basically saying i want to take Amrit if not this year, definately by the end of next year. shes saying, i want to do it too but she wants me to wait until shes ready so we can take it together. but shes admitted that she truly wants to take it after were married so she can look "good" on the day of our wedding ... lol. we're just at a point where we're facing the reality and wondering if we can go on.

the only logical things i can think of is either we take it together next summer, or i take it when i come back from canada in january and she takes it when she comes here in summer, or i take it when i come back, we take a break until were ready to get married and then she takes it just before the wedding. but i dont think the break thing would work.

HELP KHALSA JI

Dear Veer,

I feel that you should remain committed with your girlfriend and you should marry her. She seems to be good sikhi oriented person, if given good sangat, she can become a very good singhnee. I think the key for you is to do lots of gurbani paath and at the same time show love and affection for your future wife. This will really convince her to chakk amrit. LOVE IS THE STRONGEST FORCE ON EARTH. Show love and care for this girl and I have a feeling that this girl will become a very good sikh and a very good wife.

All the best and please remain loyal to this girl and marry her.

[Singhstah]

I only know one thing,

when a sant says something to you DO IT lol.

[fortunate]

SimonSandhar...

yea definetly take amrit....you make it sound like this relationship is serious...and if this is your wife to be....by all means start practicing being a sikh...and i guess by marriage or right after marriage time you two ..will be ready to start really 'practicing' sikhi...and hopefully u two take amrit then...

just try to stick with proper sangat, and advise her aswell to keep going gurughar...and before u know it...you two love birds will be at the doors of maharaj in no time!

[xHarinder_singh]

Just to add few more thoughts. I think if your girlfriend does not want to chakk amrit right now, u need to inspire her to :

1. Avoid the 4 bajjar kurehits.

2. Start doing the nitnem.

If she can do the above 2 things, I feel she will take a HUGE step towards taking amrit.

The type of person she seems to be from your post, I feel she can easily do the above mentioned things.

I once again emphasize dont leave this girl if she is not willing to chakk amrit at present. She is only 20, wants to look good at wedding, these are pretty natural things. She seems to be a very good prospective singhnee.

[simonsandhar]

doesnt look good khalsa ji, i talked to sant ji and they said it shud b ok for me to take it then for us to take it together straight after we get married as long as its guarenteed that she wants to, and to ask her that if she really loved me, why wudnt she let me take it? she wants me to wait but i feel i cant, i want to join my father Guru Gobind Singh Ji and mother Mata Sahib Kaur Ji so badly and weve more things clear to eachother. she said the lifestyle i see for us isnt what she wants. she sees her parents and wants that; a basic simple happly punjabi lifestyle. worshipping the creations and not the creator. intimacy has got her worried aswell. lol she even said "go on and {-Praise the Lord-}" obviously not being serious. she says the fact that shes even willing to take amrit before shes 80 is something that most girls wouldnt ever do.

im soo deeply entagled, i dont want to let go, but i guess were fading away

[xHarinder_singh]

doesnt look good khalsa ji, i talked to sant ji and they said it shud b ok for me to take it then for us to take it together straight after we get married as long as its guarenteed that she wants to, and to ask her that if she really loved me, why wudnt she let me take it? she wants me to wait but i feel i cant, i want to join my father Guru Gobind Singh Ji and mother Mata Sahib Kaur Ji so badly and weve more things clear to eachother. she said the lifestyle i see for us isnt what she wants. she sees her parents and wants that; a basic simple happly punjabi lifestyle. worshipping the creations and not the creator. intimacy has got her worried aswell. lol she even said "go on and {-Praise the Lord-}" obviously not being serious. she says the fact that shes even willing to take amrit before shes 80 is something that most girls wouldnt ever do.

im soo deeply entagled, i dont want to let go, but i guess were fading away

Thats a tough one brother, there is no doubt that ur poorble karam(actions of previous lives) are starting to show up.

There is no doubt that sant ji is right. U shud be chakking amrit. We have come to this world only to meet Akal Purakh. If this bibi gets ready to chakk amrit soon after marriage, I feel u shud wait for her.

[Papi]

I was going to post a few shabads, but I felt that would be extremely hypocritical of me as I can not relate to you at all.

I can only say that keep up with your sikhi and leave your worries to guru sahib. He will sort everything out, even though at the time of happening it may not seem like the right thing.

Speaking from experience, I used to think that things did not workout and it hurt me a lot for a long time. But over time (more than 2 years) I have come to realize that whatever happened was for my own good. Guru Sahib truly did save me from a whole lot of trouble. It was only my feeble mind that was not realizing all the gifts I had been given, it was only looking at the 1 thing I did not get.

Guru Raakha