Marriage Questions

[Guest _anonymous_]

Is it wrong to live with someone before getting married, even if you know for sure that you will be marrying this person? I mean, separate beds and stuff until after the weddding. Personally, I don't see it as anything wrong but just wondering what everyone else thinks.

Also, What does everyone suggest to do in the situation where parents do not know about someone you love and it is hard to tell them because they won't understand.

I come from a very stric family and am the youngest of three siblings. My brothers and sisters all had traditional wedding in which the groom/bride was found by parents or realtives and then a meeting was held between both parties to see if the boy and girl liked each other. Well, without looking for someone, I just happened to meet someone amazing and we have spent months getting to know each other and feel like marriage is the next step. I have never had a boyfriend or even discussed marriage with my parents because they think I am too young yet, my siblings all got married after 25 and i am younger than that with parents. I don't want to lose this special person though because everything from the way we met has seemed so unreal, as if it was meant to happen. I have thought two options, somehow get the courage to talk to my parents and face the chance that they will ridicule me and get mad or just move out since i am old enough to make decisions myself. What should i do?

i don't understant why love marriages are seen as something bad. can anyone explain

[Jag_Singh]

wjkk wjkf

Its nice see you have found someone you love. Marriage is obviously a huge step in life. You needn't to spill out the whole story to your parents, drop hints. Get into a discussion about marriage with them. Ask them about what they think about love marriages, ask them in a way not to get too cautious about you constantly asking them about love relationships. You should, in time, see the whole picture. May waheguru bless you in whatever you do.

wjkk wjkf

[Guest Guest]

anonymous ji,

Please try to understand that Guru Sahib provided Sikhs with a Code of Conduct (Rehat Maryada) which is for our own benefit. There is a reason why traditions have been passed on from generation to generation.

Therefore moving in with a guy is not the right thing to do !

If you like each other and plan on getting married then it is best to disclose it to your respective parents. Being apprehensive is normal but give your parents a chance and hear what they have to say.

For a genuine perspective, kindly read "Love and marriage, synonymous or different ?" at http://lifestyle.indiainfo.com/article/090...age/317825.html

[Guest Vatsyayana]

Is it wrong to live with someone before getting married, even if you know for sure that you will be marrying this person? I mean, separate beds and stuff until after the weddding. Personally, I don't see it as anything wrong but just wondering what everyone else thinks.

Also, What does everyone suggest to do in the situation where parents do not know about someone you love and it is hard to tell them because they won't understand.

I come from a very stric family and am the youngest of three siblings. My brothers and sisters all had traditional wedding in which the groom/bride was found by parents or realtives and then a meeting was held between both parties to see if the boy and girl liked each other. Well, without looking for someone, I just happened to meet someone amazing and we have spent months getting to know each other and feel like marriage is the next step. I have never had a boyfriend or even discussed marriage with my parents because they think I am too young yet, my siblings all got married after 25 and i am younger than that with parents. I don't want to lose this special person though because everything from the way we met has seemed so unreal, as if it was meant to happen. I have thought two options, somehow get the courage to talk to my parents and face the chance that they will ridicule me and get mad or just move out since i am old enough to make decisions myself. What should i do?

i don't understant why love marriages are seen as something bad. can anyone explain

So you have known this "special" person for a few months and you are already ready to abandon your parents because the fact that they created you, nurtured you, gave you unconditional love, fed and clothed you, protected you, and spent sleepless nights soothing away your fears when you were a child is somehow not as special as the bollywood-fantasy tingling-in-your-stomach "love" that this person provides you with?

I don't think you are old enough to even know what real love is.

Are you a Sikh? Is this special person a Sikh or willing to become a Gursikh, or is he demanding that you convert to his religion? Is he willing to raise your children up as Sikh?

If he is a Sikh or is willing to be one and is willing to respect your religion and the religion of your ancestors - ancestors of yours who likely gave up their lives and the lives of their loves ones so that you could live free as a Sikh (that is real love) - then have some courage and bring the issue up with your parents. Tell them you have perhaps found a suitable partner and are considering marriage, and ask them to talk to him and his family.

If your parents say yes, then best of luck to you. If they say no, then it is up to you to decide what is more important to you. If you chose to abandon your parents and your religious heritage because your brain is producing an abnormal amount of endorphins and you confuse these temporary but pleasant experiences for love, then best of lukc to you.

[~P~Kaur~]

do NOT move out! u cant skank ur parents over someone! our parents do so much for us, we cant just walk out. talk to them.

yes- moving in with someone to me is not right.

talk to your parents.

[Guest Guest]

if your a gursikh, then no, moving in wouldnt be the most beneficial thing for your sikhi, it may cause as a distraction, priorities should be simran, seva e.c.t even spouse-to-be is considered as a brother untill laawan are not complete -Shaheed Bhai amrik singh ji was an example of this.

however, if your not gursikh/amritdhari, then it doesnt really matter, go ahead !

i think dropping hints as mentioned by jags seems like a good idea.

[Guest Papi]

I'm going to be blunt and straight forward here, it might hurt, but it needs to be done.

Is it wrong to live with someone before getting married, even if you know for sure that you will be marrying this person? I mean, separate beds and stuff until after the weddding.

How do you know this for sure? What if he dies tomorrow?

Personally, I don't see it as anything wrong but just wondering what everyone else thinks

If you have already made your decision then what difference would it make about what others think. If you think you are old enough to make such an important decision, you shouldn't need approval of strangers on a forum to justify it!

Also, What does everyone suggest to do in the situation where parents do not know about someone you love and it is hard to tell them because they won't understand.

*sigh* This is a classic example of western culture clashing with the eastern culture. After seeing a lot of cases like this, I still do not understand why kids do these sorts of things in the first place :S I mean if you know your parents won't approve and their opinion matters to you, don't do these sorts of things!!! It's not rocket science people!

I have never had a boyfriend or even discussed marriage with my parents because they think I am too young yet, my siblings all got married after 25 and i am younger than that with parents.

If your parents think you are too young, they are probably right!!! They have seen you grow up, they know your thinking from the time you were born, they helped shape that thinking brain of your's as well.

I don't want to lose this special person though because everything from the way we met has seemed so unreal, as if it was meant to happen.

Did you read what you typed here?!!! Listen to yourself, you say "it was meant to happen" but you also say "i don't want to loose this special person". If it's meant to happen, then why the worry?!!!

I have thought two options, somehow get the courage to talk to my parents and face the chance that they will ridicule me and get mad or

In such a dismal situation, and in your entire post, this is probably the only sane, logical point you have made.

just move out since i am old enough to make decisions myself.

Ah the typical response of what I like to think is just a rebellious kid. "if things go my way, I'm happy; and if they don't, I'm just going to do whatever I have to do make things go my way"

What should i do?

I'm sure you can tell by now where I stand. However, my opinion, or anyone else's for that matter, should not matter to you! We are all strangers to you.

i don't understant why love marriages are seen as something bad. can anyone explain

Yeah its all "love" until you start living with the person and find out their real, true nature :rolleyes:

Oh I'm not done yet. If you thought what I wrote above was bad, what follows will change your view.

Your parents gave you birth, they fed you, gave your clothes, a roof to live, spent money on you so you could read and write and stand up on your own two feet. They taught you how to walk and talk, how to behave in society. When you couldn't walk, you held their finger for support, they slowed down the pace of their life so you could feel loved. When you couldn't talk, they narrowed down their own vocabulary while gently encouraging you to talk and find your way in the world. And you want to leave them for some guy you met a few months ago?!!!! You owe your life to your parents and there is no one on the face of this planet that can argue with this.

A word of advice, I'm in my mid 20's and I went through a phase similar to yours in a way. I thought it was "meant to be" as well, until I found out for real what the girl was all about etc. Needless to say, my mindset changed very quickly. But it took me years to come out of the HUGE emotional hole I had dug myself into thinking about her. I really hope, for your sake, that such a think does not happen to you. In the end, it's your own decision to make, but keep in mind what I wrote above. It might have hurt you, reality checks often do, but I still stand by what I said in the beginning, it needed to be done.

[SunSingh]

moving in together before marriage is not right.

you should discuss the topics listed here seriously with your potential partner. you also need to discuss things openly with your parents. in the future i imagine you would want an open and close relationship with your parents, and i imagine you would want your son/daughter to know their grandparents.

http://www.sikhmatrimonials.com/s/SeriousQuestions

[Guest Guest]

I am going to have to go against the majority views in this thread and say that living with him isn't such a bad thing as long as u stick to having separate rooms and don't sleep together.

i know no body has advised you to leave your parents for this guy, but that is something that only you can decide. You know this guy well enough to decide if he is worth it because I don't know your parents but I would assume most parents, even if you run away, would eventually come around to being happy when they realise that you are happy in your decision. It would cause a lot of heartache at first, but if you don;t want to loose him then it might be your only choice. It all comes down to the relationship you have with your parents. You have siblings, so leaving your parents isn't as bad as if you were an only child.

Whatever you decide, I wish you luck.

[sherlsurj]

just coz u intend to get married dnt neccessarily mean u will . be safe and wait till after marriage. i dnt think its right at all to live with sum1 b4 u have commited properly ie- marriage. no way otherise every couple wud be living 2getha. stay with ur family and get married from ur family home.