Some Help And Advice Please!

[Guest kkaurd]

I would like to get some opinions on the situation I am in, I have been in a relationship for 3 years, we are both sikh and our families are happy for us to get married even though we are not the same caste. the issue I have is that he is the only son, and his father died. therefore, the responsibility of his mother, bibi and two sisters falls to him.

i know i will probably come across as an awful person, but after we are married i do not want to live with his family, i don't mind if we live round the corner, or even two doors away, but i want to have my own house. maybe i am too modern or westernised, but he says that after his sisters are married and his mother is alone, he will want her to come and live with us.

I always dreamed of having my own house and bringing up our children how i wanted. Don't get me wrong, i get on with his family very well, and I am sure i would be at his mothers house all the time, its just that i would like my own house.

i feel awful for even thinking these things, but i just don't know what to do. maybe it is because my mother who is also alone is very independent and strong, and does everything for herself, whereas his mother doesnt want to live alone.

we are at the point now where we are very close to breaking up. i do not want to lose him, he is a wonderful man, kind and ambitious, i feel honoured to have met such an amazing person.

the thing is that, the qualities which made me fall in love with him in the first plac, such as knowing he is a family person so would make a great husband and father, are the things we are arguing over now.

i am sure many people will read this and say i am a horrible person, or i am too westernised for not following normal sikh culture, but i feel a huge conflict over doing this, and what i want personally.

i have mainly white friends who can't understand the situation at all, so i was just wondering what my fellow brothers and sisters opinions were? sorry this has been so long, but i would appreciate any advice, as we are both so confused and unhappy at the moment.