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Cheating / Adultery / Divorce


Guest Unhappy_Singh
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Guest Unhappy_Singh

Waheguru Ji ka khalsa

Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

For the past few months I am trying to come to terms with the pain and agony that my wife has cause me and my family. I thought I was happily married for 3 years in love with my wife, but it all came to an end when I found out that she had been having an affair… with a gora for a long time. At first she left me saying that her heart was not there… 3 weeks later I found the truth why her heart was not there and I having to live with this thought day by day.

To me she has walked out of my live without a care or thought for others. Left me to pick up all the pieces of the past and deal with them. The person that I thought I knew turned out to be someone completely different.

Every morning since we were married she used to put on Gurbani and Kirtan…Even to the day she left. Why would she listen to this if her mind was somewhere else and not pure? She was teaching the gora how to become a sikh.

I have started the divorce process and am painfully moving on. Recently I have become more and angrier about what she has done to me. I sometime feel like not living. All the support I have from family and friends are saying that one day your feeling will change for her. I think a part of me still loves her and I guess always will.

God help me

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Guest mustana

you have every right to feel how you feel. it's a natural part of the healing process.<br>but at the same time, you do eventually need to forgive to move on. this doesn't mean that what happened didnt' happen, or that you have to let her back into your life or tell her that you forgive her. what i'm saying is that forgiving from the heart will heal your wounds. <br>use this love to forgive. and whenever you feel angry, remember that bani says 'hum nahi changa, bura nahi kooi'.  you have a right to feel angry, but it may be more useful to you to indulge your mind in work, seva, simran, exercise so that you can work these emotions out rahter than sitting there stewing in the anger.<br>

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  • 1 month later...

I'm deeply sorry to hear about your situation. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The direction Guru Ji give us in this regard is:

ਪੰਨਾ 700, ਸਤਰ 3

ਪੂਰਬ ਜਨਮ ਕੇ ਮਿਲੇ ਸੰਜੋਗੀ ਅੰਤਹਿ ਕੋ ਨ ਸਹਾਈ ॥੧॥

पूरब जनम के मिले संजोगी अंतहि को न सहाई ॥१॥

Pūrab janam ke mile sanjogī anṯėh ko na sahā▫ī. ||1||

meet, having been associated in previous lives; but none of them will be your companion and support in the end. ||1||

The solution:

ਪੰਨਾ 469, ਸਤਰ 9

ਦੁਖੁ ਦਾਰੂ ਸੁਖੁ ਰੋਗੁ ਭਇਆ ਜਾ ਸੁਖੁ ਤਾਮਿ ਨ ਹੋਈ ॥

दुखु दारू सुखु रोगु भइआ जा सुखु तामि न होई ॥

Ḏukẖ ḏārū sukẖ rog bẖa▫i▫ā jā sukẖ ṯām na ho▫ī.

Suffering is the medicine, and pleasure the disease, because where there is pleasure, there is no desire for God.

Please bhai take the sactuary of Gurbani.

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it happened according to God's command. you must accept it as it is nothing but a test & part of God's play. Also dont feel angry and cause trouble with her. Whoever does wrong shall reap the fruit. whoever does good shall reap better fruit. This day & age everyone is divorcing or being unfaithful. END OF THE DAY SATGURUU WARNED YOU ABOUT FALSE LOVE AND HAS INSTRUCTED US ALL TO FOLLOW TRUE LOVE WITH SATGURUU, THATS WHY NOW YOU ARE FEELING UPSET. ACCEPT HIS BANA THIS IS THE HIGHEST VIRTUE.

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  • 10 years later...

I have read your post with interest as I lived with someone for 4 years and thought she was mine. One day she said she was going shopping which she occasionally did every 3-4 weeks. However she didn’t return in the evening. I called her and she didn’t answer phone which was unusual. Next thing there was a knock on the door it was the police and I was arrested for she had alleged I had controlled her and threatened to kill her. All absolute lies. I was completely shocked and she returned with the police to take her stuff whilst I was at the police station.
 

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On 12/24/2020 at 1:36 PM, Guest Jay said:

I have read your post with interest as I lived with someone for 4 years and thought she was mine. One day she said she was going shopping which she occasionally did every 3-4 weeks. However she didn’t return in the evening. I called her and she didn’t answer phone which was unusual. Next thing there was a knock on the door it was the police and I was arrested for she had alleged I had controlled her and threatened to kill her. All absolute lies. I was completely shocked and she returned with the police to take her stuff whilst I was at the police station.
 

Hi Jay

sorry to hear.  hope you are ok.  you mention four years.  is this woman a foreign spouse and is 4 years the cutoff for her getting residency?

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On 12/24/2020 at 1:36 PM, Guest Jay said:

I have read your post with interest as I lived with someone for 4 years and thought she was mine. One day she said she was going shopping which she occasionally did every 3-4 weeks. However she didn’t return in the evening. I called her and she didn’t answer phone which was unusual. Next thing there was a knock on the door it was the police and I was arrested for she had alleged I had controlled her and threatened to kill her. All absolute lies. I was completely shocked and she returned with the police to take her stuff whilst I was at the police station.
 

I hope you take her to court for lying!

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On 7/16/2010 at 6:47 AM, Guest Unhappy_Singh said:

Waheguru Ji ka khalsa

Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

For the past few months I am trying to come to terms with the pain and agony that my wife has cause me and my family. I thought I was happily married for 3 years in love with my wife, but it all came to an end when I found out that she had been having an affair… with a gora for a long time. At first she left me saying that her heart was not there… 3 weeks later I found the truth why her heart was not there and I having to live with this thought day by day.

To me she has walked out of my live without a care or thought for others. Left me to pick up all the pieces of the past and deal with them. The person that I thought I knew turned out to be someone completely different.

Every morning since we were married she used to put on Gurbani and Kirtan…Even to the day she left. Why would she listen to this if her mind was somewhere else and not pure? She was teaching the gora how to become a sikh.

I have started the divorce process and am painfully moving on. Recently I have become more and angrier about what she has done to me. I sometime feel like not living. All the support I have from family and friends are saying that one day your feeling will change for her. I think a part of me still loves her and I guess always will.

God help me

So sorry bro. Must feel like death. Ultimately you got off light. Might as well be truth now and get her moving on. 120 lbs lighter you are. 1200 if you count her inlaws. Still tragic bro. You don't need a deceiver at your side though especially an uncontright one. 

Wow..old thread..well I'm sure the pain wore off by now...

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