Writer'S Woe

[guptkuri]

Writer's Woe

Doubt, Ego and Inspiration

Waheguru Ji gives us many gifts and it is up to us how we view them and live with them. Waheguru Ji blessed me out of the blue with the ability to write and then he put in my head what I am to write about. So really it’s not about me because Waheguru Ji handles everything from the concept, words and giving me time to pen it down. I know it’s not me but still as I write I go through doubt, inspiration and then inflated ego.

Am I actually doing what Waheguru Ji wants me to do by writing and making it available to everyone? I am not worthy; I don’t do enough Naam Simran and Path. The people reading my articles occasionally question me on why I write if I don’t have enough Nitnem, and have not taken Amrit. They ask whether I am in position to advice or say anything about Guru Ji. Then the doubts set in, why am I writing? Why doesn’t my mind stop thinking about writing? Then for some days I tell Waheguru Ji I am not going to write, I will write when I have taken Amrit and do more path. I tell Waheguru Ji I am not worthy to please make my mind from constantly talking to Him about what needs to be said or written. I go into a depression of sorts telling myself I am not worthy to write.

Then Waheguru Ji blesses me with much praise from people that read my articles and encourages me to write. He seems to take my work from one place to another without even me realizing it. That makes me think He must want me to do this, He wants me to write. That’s why He is making it grow so big that I can’t avoid it. I leave my doubts and just write and write. Every time I someone makes me doubt I remind them I have nothing to gain, nothing to lose from writing; it’s a seva. As I read the positive feedback and argue with the people that bring doubt in me, I fill with ego and pride. For a while I forget that it’s not me, it was never me writing these articles. I fill with ego and think it’s just me and how I want to write even better and get more praise. I drown myself in the ocean of ego.

Drowning in ego I try to write the next article but I am unable to grasp onto any inspiration. My mind drowned in ego is unable to hear Waheguru Ji as He instructs me on my next article. For days I willow in misery about being unable to write and then I go running to Guru Granth Sahib Ji and beg for forgiveness. I admit my faults and my false ego and ask for help to write or to move on with my life without writing. Waheguru Ji once again starts inspiring me to write by taking over and instructing me. He helps me write and I try to keep far from ego by always remembering Him when I am praised and giving Him the credit he deserves. As long as I live in His remembrance He narrates and I write, the moment I forget I become nobody.

Going through phases of self-doubt, inflated-ego and lack of inspiration, I learn to value Waheguru Ji. Waheguru Ji gives everyone talent but we are only able to recognize it as long as we live in His remembrance. I still go through doubt and ego but I keep repeating that I am no one without Waheguru Ji and He helps me overcome. In remembrance of Waheguru Ji all is well.

[Hanu]

None of us are no one without Waheguru. All of us have something very important to say. Satnam Waheguru ji.

Writer's Woe

Doubt, Ego and Inspiration

Waheguru Ji gives us many gifts and it is up to us how we view them and live with them. Waheguru Ji blessed me out of the blue with the ability to write and then he put in my head what I am to write about. So really it's not about me because Waheguru Ji handles everything from the concept, words and giving me time to pen it down. I know it's not me but still as I write I go through doubt, inspiration and then inflated ego.

Am I actually doing what Waheguru Ji wants me to do by writing and making it available to everyone? I am not worthy; I don't do enough Naam Simran and Path. The people reading my articles occasionally question me on why I write if I don't have enough Nitnem, and have not taken Amrit. They ask whether I am in position to advice or say anything about Guru Ji. Then the doubts set in, why am I writing? Why doesn't my mind stop thinking about writing? Then for some days I tell Waheguru Ji I am not going to write, I will write when I have taken Amrit and do more path. I tell Waheguru Ji I am not worthy to please make my mind from constantly talking to Him about what needs to be said or written. I go into a depression of sorts telling myself I am not worthy to write.

Then Waheguru Ji blesses me with much praise from people that read my articles and encourages me to write. He seems to take my work from one place to another without even me realizing it. That makes me think He must want me to do this, He wants me to write. That's why He is making it grow so big that I can't avoid it. I leave my doubts and just write and write. Every time I someone makes me doubt I remind them I have nothing to gain, nothing to lose from writing; it's a seva. As I read the positive feedback and argue with the people that bring doubt in me, I fill with ego and pride. For a while I forget that it's not me, it was never me writing these articles. I fill with ego and think it's just me and how I want to write even better and get more praise. I drown myself in the ocean of ego.

Drowning in ego I try to write the next article but I am unable to grasp onto any inspiration. My mind drowned in ego is unable to hear Waheguru Ji as He instructs me on my next article. For days I willow in misery about being unable to write and then I go running to Guru Granth Sahib Ji and beg for forgiveness. I admit my faults and my false ego and ask for help to write or to move on with my life without writing. Waheguru Ji once again starts inspiring me to write by taking over and instructing me. He helps me write and I try to keep far from ego by always remembering Him when I am praised and giving Him the credit he deserves. As long as I live in His remembrance He narrates and I write, the moment I forget I become nobody.

Going through phases of self-doubt, inflated-ego and lack of inspiration, I learn to value Waheguru Ji. Waheguru Ji gives everyone talent but we are only able to recognize it as long as we live in His remembrance. I still go through doubt and ego but I keep repeating that I am no one without Waheguru Ji and He helps me overcome. In remembrance of Waheguru Ji all is well.

[AmarjitKaur]

Just few of my comments from my own experience.

We all are on sine curve. We have peaks and lows. In the beginning these peaks and lows are very sharp and lead us to being very hyper at times and very depressed at times when valley hits and hits pretty quickly. And with time and with understanding while contempating on Gurbani, this sine curve starts to have waves with not so quick and not so deep valleys and not so high peak points, but it starts to have less of a slope now.

If we were all brahmgiyanis or Saints, we will have a straight line without any slopes upwards or downwards, but we are not.

So we are still going to have some peaks and valleys, but they won't be sharp and they won't be changing quickly.

What other people say +vely about you or negatively about you, won't matter any more. You will do things just because they are right thing to do, not because somebody put a stamp to be accepted or rejected.

And don't worry it will come with time. you are just sharing your views, opinions about what you have learned from life. And we are all learners, even the people who have taken amrit. The only difference I see is that people with Amrit have registered themselves in a school and follow the discipline (atleast are supposed to) of sikhi school but people who havn't yet but have tons of love and respect and yearning for Amrit, are in a wait list of the sikhi school.

They will get Amrit, when the right time comes. (the only thing they can do is beg for it to be sooner than later as you won't want to die NI-GURA, and death doesn't give a call before coming).

So without doubts in your mind, keep writing if thats what you feel like. YES, ego is the worst thing as gurbani says that ego and naam can't stay at same place as they oppose each other.

So when you get praise, give the credit to Gurusahib as you won't be able to write a single line if Guru Sahib was not on your side. And when you get -ve criticism, then don't let it get you down either but use it constructively and write even better next time.

As it says in our Moolmantar in the beginning of Gurbani, its all Gurparsad. so ego should come down. And why are you getting gurparsad, it may be because of your some previous karm, bhagati which is making you do this or Guru sahib has some plan for you and He is making you write these articles to get you somewhere special. Its an evolving process. We all go through some evolution to get where we are and even what we going through now is also to get us somewhere else, whether its good or bad (at this time we may think it as bad or good, as we are shortsighted only, we can't look at life as a broader picture and we can't picture ourselves as a part of broader picture either).

Stay in Chardi Kala always. times you feel depressed, say this "Gur merai sang sda hai naale, simar simar tis sda samale". This is my forever mantra, true in each kind of situation.