Finding The One

[Guest Amar]

I'm confused in this issue that I've been having with a lot of people.

My friends n father says it's better for you to find the right partner. Instead of the partents I never understood why? Until he said there so many divorces happening know n due to that I wouldn't want to find someone for u n something goes wrong il feel, it would be my fault as I picked the partner!..

I had found the perfect guy gursikh Singh.. Until after 3 years slowly things went werid i picked up on little things n I learnt the hidden truth about him n his past n while with me he attempted n suseeded cheating while with

Me.

Now the question a lot ask me would u find a guy that u love or have arranged !

I honeslty can say I cant find love nor would I like to after all this hurt I believe guruji will direct me n I have full faith.

But then I get questions thrown at me by family saying should we look for a guy for u. I don't know what to say.. I'm just affraid of past repeating again that's why I rather never get married as I've always said to my family. I've lost all interest in men. I can be friends but nothing more than that.

[Gupt1984]

I'm not sure one way is more successful then the other, you can't say those who find there own are less likely to divorce or vice versa. I may be wrong though.

I wouldn't reject the idea of someone offering to introduce you to someone, as you will still be able to talk to someone and see if your compatible in your thinking etc.

It is so much harder trusting someone when you've been hurt once, but it doesn't mean that everyone is going to hurt you, it will just take you more time to trust someone. The reason it never worked out before was because it was never meant to be and it wasn't right for you. A little heartache now would save you from a lot more later in life.

So personally I would say if someone Is offering to introduce you to someone, meet them at least you never know it might be the right person.

[Only five]

The relationship you are looking for only happens with Sri Waheguru ji. To find a person that is honest all around is tough. Everyone wants there partner to be a Saint, but that rarely happens. It's 1 in a billion shot. If either partner cheats, thats a sign not to continue with the relationship. But to take this experience and say im scared, so im not going to get married, is the wrong approach. There are majority of the times going to be friction between a couple. But one question you should ask is. Is this person one who will change into a better person everyday and will continue to keep strengthing this relationship on Sikhi? If you can answer this question about the person in a positive way then most likely you have met a good hearted person. One thing we do is let emotions get mixed up in the meets and greets before actually seeing who the person is. Make the person prove it through his actions that he is a Gursikh. A person's word should be weighed very little in this situation because they generally will say anything to get their partner emotionally attached to them. Be very critical of the whole meeting part and don't shy away from asking tough questions. If the other person is looking for a Gursikh themselves, then they would not be offended by tough or direct questions.

On the whole arranged marriage or finding a partner yourself, all depends on what ideal partner you have in mind and what ideal partner your parents have in mind for you. If they are looking for someone with different values, which you don't care for or they mean very little to you then its best not to let them look for one. But if you and your parents agree on the important values in an ideal partner. Then it won't be bad to tell them to look for one. You know how hard it is to look for a partner yourself, but don't let one exerience through you off. Before doing the meets and greets ask others that you trust about a potential partner. Ask an elder that your parents and you trust to look for a person. Ask a friend you trust to look into a match that will work best for you. Figure out what you must have in a partner, what you are willing to tolerate or accept change in, and what you cannot tolerate for one split second. So whenever you come across someone that you might work for you. You can go to that mental list and decide fairly quickly if it will work, but don't make judgements. Get accurate answers. The way a person dresses is not always a accurate representation of them or the way they behave in someone else's eyes in a certain event. This takes alot of time and effort to find a match that will work. So don't be so quick to dismiss marriage. There are always good sides and bad sides to everything. It's up to you to bring the positive out in it.

[Gupt1984]

Very good advice from onlyfive.

[Guest wanabe pakandiii]

live like a true sikh and allow the Guru to unfold your destiny and bring your partner to you. follow the rehet and try to understand what bani says....

if you are connecting to Guru ji and in touch with your soul then you will know you partner when they come into your life.

otherwise no matter what advice and how you do it, you will be living karam which will not bring you any direction and may even cause you to go back into charasi

[Only five]

live like a true sikh and allow the Guru to unfold your destiny and bring your partner to you. follow the rehet and try to understand what bani says....

if you are connecting to Guru ji and in touch with your soul then you will know you partner when they come into your life.

otherwise no matter what advice and how you do it, you will be living karam which will not bring you any direction and may even cause you to go back into charasi

Dead on. The best post ever.