How To Move On?

[Guest dasi]

Sangat ji

If one goes through a bad, bitter experience while getting to know the would be life partner (before getting married and things come to an end), is it easy to come out of such situation? I do not know how to move on from where I am right now. I have always been told that whatever happens, is for our good and everything is done by Satguruji. I am not able to reconcile with everything that has happened and find it hard to believe that someone I was to be married to, has turned out to be so unfaithful, deceitful, rude and inhumane.

- dasi

[Guest Iknownothing]

When you say bitter experience how bitter do you mean? As in the other-half was unfaithful etc? If so, be glad that you are able to leave this situation and that it has not happened after getting married. A couple of friends have gone through a mixture of experiences whilst getting to know their potential rishtas, but sometimes things come out over time, rather than automatically. Imagine talking to a complete stranger the first time, you're not going to tell them your life story. Only god knows everything and if your paths are meant to become one they will, if not then so be it, maybe it's not in your karam to be together. Being unfaithful is not accepted, some people may say forgive and forget, well that's easier said than done. If you do forgive, it may eat up your mind over time, and if you keep thinking of it when you look at the other half, you're not really forgetting about it and it will cause tension time and time again. I say you have a good think about it, pray do some simran have a clear mind and go with your gut instinct. There's not a lack of partners to be out there, sometime it isn't meant to be but parents seem to push things forward. You're not married yet, you have a chance to leave the situation. If it was me i'd leave..I'd not mentally be able to handle it.

[TarunSingh]

if the person has truly turned out to be as bad as you say they are then what is the remorse for? isnt it good that you found out before anand karaj was done?

[Guest dasi]

To both the posters above, the marriage has been called off by my family when they came to know about the truth (about this person) which was very unpleasant. I was very thankful that I had found someone I believed to be a gursikh, but he wasn't even humane. He crossed all limits of decency after things being called off and further ridiculed me which shocked me. My only concern as of now is in moving ahead as my parents want to look elsewhere and even though so much has happened; the guy turning out to be so dishonest, conniving (as my family gathered), rude and hurt me so much, I am unable to believe this truth. I am finding it horrible and beyond my understanding that people can be so deceiving and harsh. I do want to move on and leave this past behind me, it only worries me since I gave my best to a relation that I thought would be a lifetime. I do forget that I live in a world where nothing is true, and all I do need is Satguru's support and that life would be better ahead now.

Thank u for all the help. - dasi

[Guest _dasi_]

To the above posters, the marriage that was to happen has been called off as I said. the guy turned out to be a dishonest, cruel, inhumane and conniving person (that is what my family found out). Yes everyone tells me that i have been fortunate that Satguru brought me out of the mess before hand. It could have been worse if I had gotten married to him.

The harsh reality is before me yet I find it difficult to believe that the person that I had known to be a great human being, a gursikh, deserted me! I can only pray that Satguru ji would protect me in future too and with his support and word I shall be able to move on with a new life. Thanks for your kind help.

[OhTwadi]

Payare bhenji, I don't mean to sound harsh but I feel the problem is that you had certain expectations of this individual and those have not been met which seems to the reason for all the sorrow you are currently experiencing. This is what I call 'expectation-disappointment cycle', we keep putting our expectations on people and we keep getting disappointed, this happens over and over again but we never learn. I'm the same way. From my experience, the key is not to expect much from others, be forgiving and most importantly, as a Sikh, we should hold ourselves to a higher standard. That does not mean that we should dissociate ourselves from others. We should, to the best of our ability, perform the duties of a householder but try our best to keep our expectations of others as low as we possibly can.

[Guest dasi]

Payare bhenji, I don't mean to sound harsh but I feel the problem is that you had certain expectations of this individual and those have not been met which seems to the reason for all the sorrow you are currently experiencing. This is what I call 'expectation-disappointment cycle', we keep putting our expectations on people and we keep getting disappointed, this happens over and over again but we never learn. I'm the same way. From my experience, the key is not to expect much from others, be forgiving and most importantly, as a Sikh, we should hold ourselves to a higher standard. That does not mean that we should dissociate ourselves from others. We should, to the best of our ability, perform the duties of a householder but try our best to keep our expectations of others as low as we possibly can.

I respect and thank you for your advice here. I do agree that we should keep our expectations reasonable and then nothing shall hurt us. My expectations weren't materialistic. I had blind faith in this person and thought I was going to marry a gursikh, an honest, humane and understanding respectful person. When my trust, faith was shattered in him is when my family decided that things could not be taken ahead. perhaps Satguruji wanted me to see the truth! So it is not so easy as of now but hopefully Satguruji shall take care aggai.

[xtremesingh18]

Sangat ji

If one goes through a bad, bitter experience while getting to know the would be life partner (before getting married and things come to an end), is it easy to come out of such situation? I do not know how to move on from where I am right now. I have always been told that whatever happens, is for our good and everything is done by Satguruji. I am not able to reconcile with everything that has happened and find it hard to believe that someone I was to be married to, has turned out to be so unfaithful, deceitful, rude and inhumane.

- dasi

Find a new partner who is not unfaithful. Should make moving on an easier process...

[Guest dasi]

Find a new partner who is not unfaithful. Should make moving on an easier process...

Satguruji willing, would meet someone better now. Thanks a lot.

[Guest bulchukmaf]

fehte ji..

I think you shuld keep doing ardaas to waheguru that pls show me a way. Nd i am hundred percent sure that waheguru will help you to show yu a way. I no gursikhs, hu was lookin for advices. but at the end of the day ardass was the thing that showed them the way.

bul chuk maf karni

fethe ji,