Confused

[S1ngh]

okay do your friend or ur *might-be-future-soulmate* believes in darshani das ??

[chardee_kalaa]

i agree with most of what the sangat says... panjee a lot of times in punjabi weddings it's true - the family weds family, not just singh and kaur...

however if u want to find out how each others parents thoughts are.. ur spiritual parents are one and the same dhan dhan guru gobind singh jee and dhan dhan mata sahib kaur jee..

and the other thing is make sure ur own beliefs are same between the two of u like u don't believe in that dera wala baba... instead u believe in guru granth sahib jee and u do nitnem and take amrit... make sure both feel this way

pls forgive my mistakes

[>Bikramjit Singh<]

Waheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!!

Bhanji

Firstly it is good that you have asked the Sangat here for their views. I think the advice of the Sangat is very similar. Here is what I think.

1. Darshan Dasis are a cult which are very much anti-Sikh. But this does not mean that all the followers of DD are anti-Sikhi. Many are just naive and just go because some of the teachings ( which are taken from Gurbani ) appeal to them. Some may have never had a strong grounding in Sikhi so they are not aware that they are attending a cult.

2. You are very lucky that your Mataji enquired into the family's beliefs. It would have been very difficult if you had found about the family's belief after marriage. One thing that I have noticed about DD as well as Radhaswamis is that the mother or other female members are the ones who are more strongly into these beliefs rather than the males. This may be because these cults teach against the drinking of alcohol and since many Sikh males drink and sometimes this leads to domestic abuse the women become susceptible to cults like DD and their anti-alcohol teachings. From what you have written the person you think is your soulmate seems to have been honest with you and you are lucky that he does not believe in DD. It may be that the mother is the strongest follower of DD and the rest of the family just follow her without any strong faith in DD.

3. My advice to you would be similar to what the other Sangat has told you. I think that in this day and age in this country the marriage is more between two people than the families. This is good for your situation because in Punjabi culture t

he mother-in-law has a strong influence in the family and many marriages have broken up because of this influence. I think you should have a heart to heart with the boy. Tell him how strongly you feel about the incompatibility of your belief in Sikhi and his mother's and family's belief in DD. Ask him whether he is willing for both of you not to live with his family and either get a place of your own or live with your family. If your are to get a place of your own then tell him that you would like to live near your family because you will both need their support as your follow the Gursikh path. You should make it clear to him that you are not asking him to break contact with his family. Tell him that he as well as yourself can visit his family anytime he wants but that he has to make clear to his mother as well as the rest of the family that both of you do not believe in DD and as such will not take part in any DD meetings or rituals. Make it clear to them that you want to live your lives as Gursikhs and want to raise your children as Gursikhs as well. I am sure that if he is your soulmate then he will definately agree to this. After this make sure that he meets with your family and also agrees to this with them as witnesses. Ask him how his family will react to the conditions as only he will know what their reaction will be. If they are strong believers in DD then they will try their best to break you both up but if they are just naive followers then it should not be be difficult.

4. Finally always remain in Chardhi Kala, look on this situation not as a problem but as an opportunity, if both your Sikhi is strong then you will come through this and you may even affect his family so much that they will come more into Sikhi!

Please keep us updated on how it's going and please don't hesitate to use the Sangat here as a support and for advice.

GurFateh

Bikramjit Singh