Parents Saying No

[Guest Guest]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Sangat Ji, I am posting in the Gupt section because I have a very big concern I need help with. Before I divulge into the details of my problem, let me introduce you to myself and my background. I live in Canada, I am a university student, and am kesdhari. I'm in my early 20's and believe to have a good head on my shoulders. I come from a religious family who are amritdhari (I am not at the moment). Alright, now onto my query. For quite some time, my parents have been asking me to find myself a girl for marriage. At first, I never gave it much thought; many of the girls I know and am friends with are already seeing people, if not, they have been in prior relationships and have a "history" if you know what I mean (as far as rumours go - that in itself is another thing). Anyways, about a few months ago, I met this girl online. She's from a White, Catholic family. However, she gave up Catholicism and converted to Sikhism (has not taken amrit, but has adopted the Sikh way of life as much as she can). Her and I have been talking for quite some time now and decided to move our relationship from friendship to dating (I know many of you here may oppose this, however, I am fine with this notion so if you have any comments regarding your opposition to dating, please refrain from doing so). We have not done anything inappropriate at all (no kissing, inappropriate touching, etc). Even before we were dating, I found myself liking her, however, held back since I did not want any negative emotions to overcome me. Therefore, I took a hukamnama from Guru Granth Sahib Ji. In my ardas, I asked Guru Ji to let me know if it was okay to move the friendship further, however (and obviously) to refrain from any negative emotions that may come between her and I. So, ideally, to be in a relationship, however, not doing anything that would make her and I deviate away from Sikhi. The Hukam I received was "Santha Ke Karaj Aap Khaloya, Har Kamm Karavan Aaya Raam" - which comes in Raag Suhi, ang 783. Having read the hukamnama, I believed Guru ji to be informing me that her and I meeting was destined to occur (also, do note I do not consider myself a Sant by any means, however, this was my interpretation of the hukamnama). Now, when my parents ask me if I found someone, I've suggested the idea of marrying someone non-Punjabi (i.e have said White person). My parents flipped out, and my dad went on a huge swearing fit saying he'll never let it happen, and if it does, he'll kick me out of the house and disown me. On top of that, my parents have been really rude as of late, with my dad still swearing at me. I do not know what to do. I have taken 2 more hukamnama's asking for Guru Ji's help, both times Guru ji has said to meditate on Waheguru for my desires to be fulfilled. I do not know what to do. I trust in Guru Ji and believe everything will be fine. However, I do not want to leave my family, or get kicked out, for something that isn't that big of a deal (in my opinion). She's a devoted Sikh, and wants to take amrit in the near future. Sangat ji, I guess what I'm asking is, can you please give me some advice, and also do ardas for me, so that everything goes well and that her, my family, and I can live under one roof happily?

I apologize for the long post and for taking your time (though, I appreciate you reading this).

Thank you!

[Guest Chief Guest]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

When your parents asked you to find a girl they meant within religion, caste, culture etc

Frankly you are still Dependent, so in no position to take such a Big step without parents.

In life "to gain something you will have to let go of some other thing''.

Choice is ENTIRELY yours !

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

[Amrit]

Well what advice can I give you have already received the best advice possible, Meditate on Vaheguru and everything will be the way Vaheguru wants it to be....not how you or your parents want it to be put Akaal Purukh Vaheguru themselves. Ask for Faith and the himmat to follow Maharaj's hukum whatever it may be.

[Guest Khalsa1234]

20's is still quite young, your hormones will be getting the better of you. how old is she? However thats not to say this decision cant be made, to be honest things are so bad these days it would be better for you to marry the girl than end up messing around as is happing in kaljug.

you and the girl need to discuss marriage, is she even at that stage with you? and other things like what your goals are in life? are you both ready to take this step? are you willing to committ to each other. how are parents going to react? where will you live, can you support yourself, will you get a job? will you stand by each other no matter what?

Once these questiosn are answered and she actually wants to marry you then you both need to sit down with your parents and tell them. You parents did give you the freedom to choose. If the girl wants to date and 'get to know you' and all that then I would advise you to tell her to make a decision within a certain time. If she doesnt or isnt considering marriage then you need to end it and walk away asap.

Regardless of all this, you should focus on your nitnem, and amrit vela. You need to spend more time in the Gurdwara doing selfless seva and in the sangat, this will help bring clarity into your life so you can make the right decisions . Both of you need to work on jeevan and uphold your Rehit and then take Amrit and live like Khalsa. Take all steps with the Gurus blessings.

I hope everything goes well, May Maharaj bless you with Naam.

[DustOfTheSaintsFeet]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Sangat Ji, I am posting in the Gupt section because I have a very big concern I need help with. Before I divulge into the details of my problem, let me introduce you to myself and my background. I live in Canada, I am a university student, and am kesdhari. I'm in my early 20's and believe to have a good head on my shoulders. I come from a religious family who are amritdhari (I am not at the moment). Alright, now onto my query. For quite some time, my parents have been asking me to find myself a girl for marriage. At first, I never gave it much thought; many of the girls I know and am friends with are already seeing people, if not, they have been in prior relationships and have a "history" if you know what I mean (as far as rumours go - that in itself is another thing). Anyways, about a few months ago, I met this girl online. She's from a White, Catholic family. However, she gave up Catholicism and converted to Sikhism (has not taken amrit, but has adopted the Sikh way of life as much as she can). Her and I have been talking for quite some time now and decided to move our relationship from friendship to dating (I know many of you here may oppose this, however, I am fine with this notion so if you have any comments regarding your opposition to dating, please refrain from doing so). We have not done anything inappropriate at all (no kissing, inappropriate touching, etc). Even before we were dating, I found myself liking her, however, held back since I did not want any negative emotions to overcome me. Therefore, I took a hukamnama from Guru Granth Sahib Ji. In my ardas, I asked Guru Ji to let me know if it was okay to move the friendship further, however (and obviously) to refrain from any negative emotions that may come between her and I. So, ideally, to be in a relationship, however, not doing anything that would make her and I deviate away from Sikhi. The Hukam I received was "Santha Ke Karaj Aap Khaloya, Har Kamm Karavan Aaya Raam" - which comes in Raag Suhi, ang 783. Having read the hukamnama, I believed Guru ji to be informing me that her and I meeting was destined to occur (also, do note I do not consider myself a Sant by any means, however, this was my interpretation of the hukamnama). Now, when my parents ask me if I found someone, I've suggested the idea of marrying someone non-Punjabi (i.e have said White person). My parents flipped out, and my dad went on a huge swearing fit saying he'll never let it happen, and if it does, he'll kick me out of the house and disown me. On top of that, my parents have been really rude as of late, with my dad still swearing at me. I do not know what to do. I have taken 2 more hukamnama's asking for Guru Ji's help, both times Guru ji has said to meditate on Waheguru for my desires to be fulfilled. I do not know what to do. I trust in Guru Ji and believe everything will be fine. However, I do not want to leave my family, or get kicked out, for something that isn't that big of a deal (in my opinion). She's a devoted Sikh, and wants to take amrit in the near future. Sangat ji, I guess what I'm asking is, can you please give me some advice, and also do ardas for me, so that everything goes well and that her, my family, and I can live under one roof happily?

I apologize for the long post and for taking your time (though, I appreciate you reading this).

Thank you!

Our Gurus did not believe in castes and segregation due to race. That should be good enough for you to see that if your parents don't agree to you marrying her on the basis of colour, they are *edited*.

You either respect the Gurus and Gurmat or your parents manmat ideals. There is no in between. The Gurus died for their beliefs.

[noname27]

There really shouldnt be anything wrong with this its disappointing that your parents are angry

This shows how sikhism has evolved from past generations that still believe in the caste system

You arent doing anything wrong right now shes sikh and your sikh but your parents are wrong they are looking at the color of her skin and where she is from.

There is a couple at my local gurdawara that is wife white and husband indian they both are now happily sikh with 2 sons :D

Like above said choice is yours.

I would have a big conversation and convince them that their wrong and show them what the Gurus said about caste system/segregation of race.

Hope all goes well :D

[Guest Guest]

Followers of Guru Nanak follow the path of dharam. The Khalsa protects against adharam. Now you must think. Will you be on the path of dharam marrying someone that your parents are against marrying, follows a western culture even though sikh, and doesn;t have the same cultural concept of dharam as a punjabi even though she is sikh? Or is it adharam?

As a sikh, do what is dharam, and avoid adharam! In the age of kaliyuga, may you see past all the adharam of the world and make the right decision.

[m4ndy]

From my knowledge, yes a sikh shouldn't look at caste, colour etc but that doesn't mean one marries someone who doesn't believe in the Sikh faith. Anand karaj can only be performed if both couples are Sikh and accept the Sikh way of life. Otherwise the marriage is pointless in choosing someone from a different background.

I know many gurdwara would allow mixed marriages and the other partner has no interest in the Sikh faith... family need to be convinced in a way that the partner accepts the Sikh faith.

[Guest Anon]

Sometimes we have to sacrifice for the sake of our parents happiness. God teaches us to respect and listen to our parents, if you believe in god you must obey your parents. Remember the sakhi: guru nanak dev ji threw a bucket into a puddle of mud. They asked there sons to go fetch it. Both of their sons declined the request, stating that they didn't want to get their clothes dirty. Guru Nanak dev ji then explained that it is important to always listen to your parents.

I am a girl also residing in canada, born and raised here as well. i sacrificed marrying my then boyfriend because my parents told me that i was not allowed to marry any other man now that i had dated somebody. I didn't like the idea of marrying my boyfriend because i wasn't even serious about him, but i listened to my parents anyways. And i am sooo glad i did.

[Guest Jas]

I'm in the same boat as you, man(21, University student in Ontario). Although me and her are both serious about marriage and I think it may take time for my parents to really understand. Don't rush into things. Meet her(in real life) and then just keep talking and you'll know the answer to your own question soon enough. Honestly man, I was threatened with being disowned and all sorts of other things(I've been written out of their will too). If you're strong and keep your faith in Waheguru, everything will end well and you'll be happy. Let me know if you have any specific questions. Listen to your parents, but take their advise as counsel, not as fact. Our world and way of life is different from theirs. Unlike them, we can't know everything about prospective mates and all that jazz so just do what you feel is right.