Separated And Lonely

[Guest LonerSikh]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki fateh

Dass has an ongoing issue that he would like to discuss with the sangat.

I got separated from my wife approx 18 months ago and we have two children. During this separation, Waheguru blessed me with Amrit di daat. I see my kids once a week (court ordered), but my wife has no interest in trying to reconcile the relationship and divorce seems on the horizon later this year. I do ardass to waheguru to bring gursikhi jeevan into the family.

I attend a local sangat which helps to stabilise me a little, but I am really interovert, shy and depressed. I don't like talking to anyone, even in sangat and am also having problems doing nitnem, amritvela. Some members of sangat know of my problem, some say I should not divorce and go with the flow, some say I should divorce and move on with another partner and others say divorce and not get remarried.

My motivation is gone, low self esteem and insecurity blights me. I live on my own and have no family here as I moved countries when I got married. I tell myself that this is all waheguru's khel and now just earn enough to make ends meet. I do not feel any attachment to this world. Waheguru gives us dukh and sukh, but I think it is best to stay in the frame of mind to receive dukh, as sukh is only temporary and dukh is permanent. I long for a partner to share times with, but I feel that they would be put off by the fact that I am living a simple life, with no money in the bank, a poor job, no motivation and just my vishwaas in waheguru. I just don't know what to do. Should I divorce and re-marry? Should I go back to UK and leave the kids without an dad? Should I divorce and not remarry?

[VanHelsingh]

Don't leave your kids for God's sake. That's not even something worth asking anyone on here. As for the rest, sort your head out and don't look to a potential woman / wife to be the solution to your problems. They aren't. Some of them will join you on the journey that is this life (and will be wonderful sources of love and support), but they can't help you if you're not right in the head. That needs to come from you.

[Guest Guest]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

Loner Sikh,

Are your parents & in-laws concerned or not ?

Frankly Big steps like Marriage & Divorce are Only taken with Support of elders.

Therefore you must hear what they have to say before taking a Final Decision.

In my opinion once kids come into the Equation, then Priority should be given to them & their future.

If not, then husband and wife are being Selfish.

Selfishness usually breaks a relationship, whether husband-wife, parent-kids, siblings, friends etc

So if you want a Relationship to work then you must learn from your parents (How to Adjust !).

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

[Guest LonerSikh]

To Guest: My parents/in-laws were concerned greatly at first, but as time has gone on, they are all in the position of saying that they are leaving it to Waheguru to do what is best. So now they will support any decision that I make. The hurtful thing is that my wife is not willing to reconcile, or even discuss anything, for the kids. Not even try. I want to be there for my kids without question. Waheguru blessed me with Amrit and I have changed positivly a lot since we separated, but there has been no change in position from her. So I have accepted it now almost that it is over.

Is simply having vishwaas in waheguru enough these days, without the need of material goods like houses? Is renting not acceptable?

[Balait_da_Sher]

The Drowning Man

A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.

Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, “Jump in, I can save you.”

[/left]

The stranded fellow shouted back, “No, it’s OK, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me.”

[/left]

So the rowboat went on.

[/left]

Then a motorboat came by. “The fellow in the motorboat shouted, “Jump in, I can save you.”

[/left]

To this the stranded man said, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.”

[/left]

So the motorboat went on.

[/left]

Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, “Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety.”

[/left]

To this the stranded man again replied, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.”

[/left]

So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.

[/left]

Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, “I had faith in you but you didn’t save me, you let me drown. I don’t understand why!”

[/left]

To this God replied, “I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?”

I hope the above answers your question regarding vishwaas in waheguru. Waheguru will help you but you have to take the necessary steps.

If you want material goods then work for them. When religious people make a good living or have material possessions they acknowledge them as gifts from god. But they also have worked hard for the things. Therefore, do what you need to do to improve your life. Prioritise the things in your life. Ask your self, if you were to marry now, would things be different or would the underlying issues which caused your marriage to breakdown still be there?

From your posts, it seems that money was an issue in your relationship. However that is my assumption, if you need better advice, please explain the reasons why your marriage broke down?

[Guest Guest]

Loner let's come to the Main Problem

Oh chahndi ki heh ?

What does she want ?

[Guest LonerSikh]

The marriage broke down mainly because we were not suited to each other. Sounds silly I know, especially having had two kids togther. We met on the internet and got married. Things were not great from the start but I thought over time it would improve once we adjusted a bit more. But they did not get better. She admitted she had a thing for someone else before marriage and she was not honest about it then to me, herself or her parents. Not enough money was also a reason. We stated to be emotionally abusive towards one another and eventually things reached a head when I hit her. We separated after that, and Waheguru then blessed me with Amrit. I totally believe that he took me out of that vikaar filled situation to give me amrit. But now I have tried talking to her and although she is a little warmer, she does not want to get back together. Divorce is pretty much confirmed. It seems like the best thing, although the kids will be greatly affected and the damage will be unimagineable on them.

I just don't know what to do with myself now. I don't want material things. I have no care for money, wealth, property anymore. My bank is empty and I only work enough to survive. I was wondering if gursikh girls are interested in houses, etc, or are they happy with whatever waheguru gives them? I have seen that although girls are gursikh, they still have demands of houses, etc. Doesnt seem right somehow.

[Guest FreeAdvicer]

To loner sikh,

some people are together for themselves, some are together for their kids.

ASK YOUR EX HUMBLY...... IS IT TOO MUCH for her to WITHSTAND YOU FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR KIDS ???

If she says YES.... then tell her....she will proven as a BAD MOTHER....when your kids ask you the reason to separate, because you tried to re-connect...but she backed off.

If she says NO....you are united again

But....before asking this question.......take her out on a surprise date.......get some of your old pictures and other gifts which you have of you both,,,,, and LOOK INTO HER EYES....hold her hand.....and tell her that YOU LOVE HER MORE AFTER GETTING SEPARATED and that you cannot imagine any one other than her in your life and on your bed.

Do it, even if you dn't feel for her......do it for your kids..... and eventually....now u may not feel love for her....but love will slowly find its way into both of your hearts....once it is spoken....thats how it works.

and...

NEVER HIT HER AGAIN.

Fateh

[Guest Guest]

The marriage broke down mainly because we were not suited to each other. Sounds silly I know, especially having had two kids togther. We met on the internet and got married. Things were not great from the start but I thought over time it would improve once we adjusted a bit more. But they did not get better. She admitted she had a thing for someone else before marriage and she was not honest about it then to me, herself or her parents. Not enough money was also a reason. We stated to be emotionally abusive towards one another and eventually things reached a head when I hit her. We separated after that, and Waheguru then blessed me with Amrit. I totally believe that he took me out of that vikaar filled situation to give me amrit. But now I have tried talking to her and although she is a little warmer, she does not want to get back together. Divorce is pretty much confirmed. It seems like the best thing, although the kids will be greatly affected and the damage will be unimagineable on them.

I just don't know what to do with myself now. I don't want material things. I have no care for money, wealth, property anymore. My bank is empty and I only work enough to survive. I was wondering if gursikh girls are interested in houses, etc, or are they happy with whatever waheguru gives them? I have seen that although girls are gursikh, they still have demands of houses, etc. Doesnt seem right somehow.

It seems that you have already made up your mind and just want people to second that.

If Not then try Marriage Counselling ?

In addition, i agree with what Balait_da_sher said.

Kindly read his reply again and think !

Be realistic, do you really think that any normal female (how so ever poor) would want to marry a man with no money !

In case of Gursikh girls, it is their parents who take the decision not them.

And why would they marry their daughter to a divorcee ?

Please give some thought.

Test of time or a Litmus Test can only prove whose a Genuine Gursikh and who are wordly sikhs so don't listen to others,

Be practical.

[Guest LonerSikh]

Waheguru thank you everybody for your responses and advice.

I will try telling her again, but as for taking her on a date, that is highly unlikely, as she won't come out with me. But I will try and do something.

Fateh