Some thoughts on Breaking Hearts...

[Consciousness]

ਠਠਾ ਮਨੂਆ ਠਾਹਹਿ ਨਾਹੀ ॥ ਜੋ ਸਗਲ ਤਿਆਗਿ ਏਕਹਿ ਲਪਟਾਹੀ ॥

ਠਹਕਿ ਠਹਕਿ ਮਾਇਆ ਸੰਗਿ ਮੂਏ ॥ ਉਆ ਕੈ ਕੁਸਲ ਨ ਕਤਹੂ ਹੂਏ ॥

ਠਾਂਢਿ ਪਰੀ ਸੰਤਹ ਸੰਗਿ ਬਸਿਆ ॥ ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤ ਨਾਮੁ ਤਹਾ ਜੀਅ ਰਸਿਆ ॥

ਠਾਕੁਰ ਅਪੁਨੇ ਜੋ ਜਨੁ ਭਾਇਆ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ਉਆ ਕਾ ਮਨੁ ਸੀਤਲਾਇਆ ॥੨੮॥

Humble Translation: Through the 'ਠਠਾ' alphabet, Siri Guru jee is blessing us with some great Gurmat Principles:

1. The ones who renounce everything material and grab only One, they don't break anyone's heart for Maya.

2. The ones who indulge in Maya, slowly slowly kill themselves spiritually, nothing is ever right in their lives.

3. Coolness (from burning in Maya) is attained when one resides with the Sant Gurmukhs i.e. does their Sangat. There (in their Sangat), the Amrit Naam gets absorbed within one's heart.

4. One who become pleasing to Vaheguru, their mind becomes cool (from the burning world).

Vichaar: Guru Sahib in this great Pauri of Siri Baavan Akhri has blessed us with wonderful teachings. The gist of this Pauri is that ones who indulge in Maya never get comfort in their lives and the ones who keep company of Sant Gurmukhs, their 'Self' is drenched with Amrit Naam, they become pleasing to Vaheguru and they are not affected by the fire (Maya) that is burning the whole world.

In the first Pankiti, Guru Sahib has given a great principle or rather one sure sign of such Gurmukhs who have renounced the world (per mind, not physically like Saniyaasi monks) and firmly grabbed One i.e. Naam - they don't break people's hearts for worldly reasons. Most people don't like to break other people's hearts or otherwise hurt anyone but they end up commiting this sin because they are helplessly shackled by Maya. They are indulged in Maya and while fulfilling their Maya-related aspirations, they end up hurting other people. Gurmukhs who have renounced Maya don't have any Maya-related aspirations, therefore, they don't hurt other people's hearts.

The concept of not-breaking anyone's heart should not be stretched to such levels as to make it ridiculous. If, while following Gurmat a Gursikh unwittingly hurts someone's feelings, then it should not push that Gursikh to give up following Gurmat. Here are some examples where other people's feelings get hurt when Gursikhs follow Gurmat:

1. A Gursikh chants Naam within his parameters (home or Gurdwara Sahib) and a Nar-Nindak (a slanderer) can't tolerate it and it hurts him as severely as snake-bite of scorpian bite. Gurbani is witness to such behaviour: ਹਰਿ ਕੇ ਲੋਗ ਰਾਮ ਜਨ ਨੀਕੇ ਭਾਗਹੀਣ ਨ ਸੁਖਾਇ ॥ ਜਿਉ ਜਿਉ ਰਾਮ ਕਹਹਿ ਜਨ ਊਚੇ ਨਰ ਨਿੰਦਕ ਡੰਸੁ ਲਗਾਇ ॥3॥ What is a Gursikh supposed to do in such situation where a Dusht person gets hurt with Naam? Stop chanting Naam? No, never!

2. The Nishaan Sahib outside Gurdwara Sahibaan is a sign of the sovereignty of Khalsa Panth. Many people get hurt with this concept. Are we supposed to stop having Nishaan Sahib at Gurdwara Sahibaan so that it does not hurt other people? No, never.

3. Khalsa Panth recites "Raaj Karega Khalsa" at the end of all Samagams. The British were hurt by this Dohra and tried to stop it. Many fundamentalist Hindus in the present and Muslims in the past have been severely hurt by this Dohra because it undermines their own political aspirations. Is Khalsa supposed to stop reciting this Dohra so as to avoid hurting other people's feelings? No never.

4. Some people are hurt by Sikhs wearing 5 Kakaars including Kirpan. This does not mean we should stop wearing Kirpan. In many cases, we can surely accomodate e.g. wear it underneath in public places as a respect for other people's feelings but we should not be expected to totally stop wearing it.

5. Many times, Bibeki Gurmukhs get into such situations, whereby they are blackmailed into breaking Guru Sahib's Rehit to avoid hurting someone's feelings. Many years ago, as part of Sangat, Daas went to a city in USA for Samagam. As we sat after resting, a Bibi jee who was not wearing a Dastaar, came and gave us a very emotional lecture on not hurting anyone's feelings and how she had prepared Langar with extreme love. She wanted everyone to eat Langar prepared by her with 'extreme love'. Many Singhs who were Bibeki, understandably stayed quiet but did not show sign of eating her Langar. She then started crying and shedding tears. Many of the local Sangat and other Gursikhs started looking at few Bibeki Gursikhs with such gaze that is reserved for the most despicable serial killers. Cutting the story short, quite a scene was created there but Bibeki Gursikhs just kept quiet and avoided the escalation of the bad situation. Now what kind of "extreme love" is this, whereby a person wants to serve Gursikhs by breaking Guru Sahib's Rehit? If this Bibi jee had such extreme love, then why she did not adopt Guru Sahib's Rehit and other missing Rehits? If we want to serve Gursikhs, and if we have love for Gursikhs, then we should serve them without breaking their Rehit. We should not change their Rehit but if we are eager to serve them, we should fulfill their requirements of Rehit.

6. A Gursikh said that if he wears Baana, it hurts other people or other people get jealous of him. So he thinking of not wearing Baana at Samagams. This was such a wrong thought. A Gursikh should do some cost-benefit analysis before making such decisions. One one hand this Gursikh would make some people jealous but on the other hand if he wears Baana as per Guru Sahib's Hukam and remains humble, then the benefit of wearing Baana and obeying Guru Sahib's Hukam would far over-weigh the negativity avoided by not wearing it. Same way, if carrying Shaster like Siri Sahib or Safa-jung hurts feelings of some moderate Sikhs at Samagams, then this should not prompt a Gursikh to not carry Shaster to Samagams. A Gursikh carries Shaster in Hazoori of Guru Sahib to please Siri Guru Dasmesh jee. That's all that matters to a Gursikh.

Having said that, a Gursikh who sees Vaheguru in all, cannot be cruel to fellow creatures. He feels the pain of all beings and loves all beings from the bottom of his heart. Loving all creatures is loving Vaheguru because Vaheguru resides in all. Hating anyone is same as hating Vaheguru because Vaheguru is in all. But Gurmat cannot be compromised. A Gursikh should follow Gurmat to the fullest by being the least hindrance in anyone else's way.

Gurbani is Agam Agaadh Bodh.

Kulbir Singh

[Guest]

Daas thinks this article is good.

[N30S1NGH]

Good article just have to comment on this below though:

5. Many times, Bibeki Gurmukhs get into such situations, whereby they are blackmailed into breaking Guru Sahib's Rehit to avoid hurting someone's feelings. Many years ago, as part of Sangat, Daas went to a city in USA for Samagam. As we sat after resting, a Bibi jee who was not wearing a Dastaar, came and gave us a very emotional lecture on not hurting anyone's feelings and how she had prepared Langar with extreme love. She wanted everyone to eat Langar prepared by her with 'extreme love'. Many Singhs who were Bibeki, understandably stayed quiet but did not show sign of eating her Langar. She then started crying and shedding tears. Many of the local Sangat and other Gursikhs started looking at few Bibeki Gursikhs with such gaze that is reserved for the most despicable serial killers. Cutting the story short, quite a scene was created there but Bibeki Gursikhs just kept quiet and avoided the escalation of the bad situation. Now what kind of "extreme love" is this, whereby a person wants to serve Gursikhs by breaking Guru Sahib's Rehit? If this Bibi jee had such extreme love, then why she did not adopt Guru Sahib's Rehit and other missing Rehits? If we want to serve Gursikhs, and if we have love for Gursikhs, then we should serve them without breaking their Rehit. We should not change their Rehit but if we are eager to serve them, we should fulfill their requirements of Rehit.

According to my understanding of bibek, bibek has different levels its applied differently depending on person you are dealing with..!! But with that being said, higher than physical bibek is one's perception. If bhramgyani's perception is whole jagat/world is hari da roop as one maha jot as gurbani mentions and thats sargun slowly folding into nirgun, then physical bibek is nothing but mere karam kaand for him/her.

Sri Guru Gobind Singh Ji in Sri Akaal ustat sahib does khandan mandan of each and every person (not necessarily direct ritual but person) who is attached with the ritual so much so it made the ritual into dogma and created all sorts of web of road blocks within him..!!!!

At the end of day, its all in one dristhi/perception..perception is everything..!!

[SheikhFareed]

5. Cutting the story short, quite a scene was created there but Bibeki Gursikhs just kept quiet and avoided the escalation of the bad situation. Now what kind of "extreme love" is this, whereby a person wants to serve Gursikhs by breaking Guru Sahib's Rehit? If this Bibi jee had such extreme love, then why she did not adopt Guru Sahib's Rehit and other missing Rehits? If we want to serve Gursikhs, and if we have love for Gursikhs, then we should serve them without breaking their Rehit. We should not change their Rehit but if we are eager to serve them, we should fulfill their requirements of Rehit.

Who is Kulbir Singh? Sorry I don't know.

Anyway I again highlight the above. That is unfair on that lady.

I dont know how far some people will take it with eating bibek rehit. but wouldnt someone even eat from their mom even if she may cut hair?

No one is perfect. It is in Gods effort that we even get closer to Him, its not in our hands, so people cant say we eat from them people who are trying to follow rehits. these hurtful ones shouldnt stand, when a gursikh sees someone hurt by their actions, they have to question if their action is right. there is lenience in rehit. when you see thata scene may be created, it would have been much better if they ate. then everyone is happy. and the bibi would speak highly of the sikhs, instead she probably told many people and now they probably view all sikhs like this and think of them as extremists.

pul chuk muaaf.

[Mehtab Singh]

This is one of those things where someone in the 4th grade is trying to justify that the stuff taught in master's level degree is useless, lol. Those who doubt/question Bibek, I urge you to try keeping it or abiding by it for a while and then see, rather experience the difference. Do it over a period of time to let it settle onto you before making any presumptions or believing things you heard/read. One has to dive and swim to know the depths of the river. Sitting on the banks won't help. Besides, its basic human nature to reject whatever doesn't make one feel good. If someone drinks alcohol, he/she will try and find 20 faults of various types in someone who doesn't drink, because that makes the alcoholic feel good about himself/herself. The same is with Bibeki vs non-Bibeki GurSikhs, and its on both sides of the table. "If you are not like me, and I can't become like you (for whatever reason), something is wrong with you and not me" , lol :D

[Guest]

I was gonna say something for the bibeki thing but I don't want any more arguments

[N30S1NGH]

There is nothing wrong with mahapursh who have kept bibek and who didn't keep bibek. It's always been the over zealous chelas on both sides of spectrum loosing the whole plot as usual and missing the boat as usual !!

[SheikhFareed]

Agree with the above point. I do keep bibek. But I have found when I am going to upset someone, it is better to not be so stubborn and this has inspired people to follow the sikhi path

[Mehtab Singh]

There is nothing wrong with mahapursh who have kept bibek and who didn't keep bibek. It's always been the over zealous chelas on both sides of spectrum loosing the whole plot as usual and missing the boat as usual !!

Yeah, its like there are some Bibekis who put down non-Bibekis because they are different, and many non-Bibekis who refuse to follow Bibek because they consider it a ritual.

[N30S1NGH]

Yeah, its like there are some Bibekis who put down non-Bibekis because they are different, and many non-Bibekis who refuse to follow Bibek because they consider it a ritual.

Exactly righto except ritual is parvan in Gurmat not a bad thing at all..we sikhs do rituals all the time but ritual turned into dogma or empty ritual that is condemned in Gurmat.