Sikh Marriage (Urgent)

[simran345]

I can see this topic turning into one of the others too. But you know what, not going to waste time on explaining to you Preet Ji, because when one just does not understand something then better to let go.

You know exactly what you are playing at. Hor kise nu sunaaa.

[dallysingh101]

I tell you what I can foresee. This caste thing with marriages has caused so much grief for so many people that you are going to have a revolt against it in the next generation.

Plus, by then there will already be loads of mixed-caste people anyway.

[Guest Only Singh]

Hi people, this is my first post on this forum and I felt I should share my strong opinion on this for this poor guy. Simran ji hats off and great respect for your reply’s which are common sense if you think about it.
My parents never teached me about my caste and when I came up with the announcement that I love a girl for almost 4 years and want to marry her the first thing they asked me was her caste. I told them that I did not know what her caste was. Later I found out that she was from the shimba caste and my parents told me that I am jatt. Same as this post issue. I never believed in caste and even not had any knowledge about it, till the day my parents told me that I can only marry a jatt girl.
Big story short…, my mom created a lot of big scenes and cried almost every day about the fact that I love a girl from different caste and Waheguru gave me the strength to hold on my decision to marry her and don’t give up on the tortures of my family. My father was after a time oke with it and supported me.
So I am now proudly married to the girl of my dreams and we are so happy together and my advice to this guy would me to ask your girlfriend if she is ready to tackle all the battels together and also let your girlfriend ask her parents if they can guarantee her that if she marry a stupid jatt boy she will be happy and that he will keep her happy, I can tell you from my experience there will be no answer on that!!! I just hate people that believe in caste, I will tell my children later that they can marry anyone that believes in shri guru granth sahib ji, that is what counts to ensure the future of sikhi, not this caste <banned word filter activated>, sorry for my harsh words.

[terafufar]

Hi people, this is my first post on this forum and I felt I should share my strong opinion on this for this poor guy. Simran ji hats off and great respect for your reply’s which are common sense if you think about it.
My parents never teached me about my caste and when I came up with the announcement that I love a girl for almost 4 years and want to marry her the first thing they asked me was her caste. I told them that I did not know what her caste was. Later I found out that she was from the shimba caste and my parents told me that I am jatt. Same as this post issue. I never believed in caste and even not had any knowledge about it, till the day my parents told me that I can only marry a jatt girl.
Big story short…, my mom created a lot of big scenes and cried almost every day about the fact that I love a girl from different caste and Waheguru gave me the strength to hold on my decision to marry her and don’t give up on the tortures of my family. My father was after a time oke with it and supported me.
So I am now proudly married to the girl of my dreams and we are so happy together and my advice to this guy would me to ask your girlfriend if she is ready to tackle all the battels together and also let your girlfriend ask her parents if they can guarantee her that if she marry a stupid jatt boy she will be happy and that he will keep her happy, I can tell you from my experience there will be no answer on that!!! I just hate people that believe in caste, I will tell my children later that they can marry anyone that believes in shri guru granth sahib ji, that is what counts to ensure the future of sikhi, not this caste <banned word filter activated>, sorry for my harsh words.

[simran345]

Terafufar ji, it's good to see you share your story. And it's seems you have struggled to get married due to this caste issue. It's not just common sense, I'm only writing what the Gurus fought for, and to make aware nobody is lower or higher than anybody or should not be treated differently because of their caste and I feel we should learn from those teachings. Welcome to the board, we are all sharing knowledge and learning.

[terafufar]

Simran ji, yes we have struggled a lot, almost 3 years before we could convince our parents, it was a though time. This is a very large problem in our community and also the main reason why the younger generation is not so into sikhi. They think that this caste system is from sikhi and when they get into this kind of problems they loose faith in sikhi. I hope by the time my children will find a life partner this issue is gone and we all can be true Sikhs.

[dallysingh101]

Girlfriends/boyfriends are NOT gurmatt anyways, even if the caste/clan is the same. Our goal is to stay away from the 5 dukhs, and while finding your own ashiq like this makes me think that that person is not a Sikh anyways. True Sikhs don't date.

Whether we like it or not, we are going to have to get accustomed to a fair few things that go outside of black and white notions of right and wrong as a community, especially in the diaspora.

That much is plainly obvious.

I'm saying that outside of perfect ideals we still have to work with imperfect humans; I'd say at the very least lets not do anything that is going to jeopardise our potentially dwindling numbers as a minority. I know all the arguments about 'quality not quantity' but even then, given ground level realities lets not make a bad situation even worse.

And I'm going to add this, knowing full well that it may be very unpopular: let's try not to make the everyday lives of Sikh families miserable with a massive list of 'don't do this..........don't do this..........don't do this..........don't do this..........don't do this..........don't do this..........'

We've got serious issues to deal with, and in the next generation or two (in the diaspora) marriage practices are highly unlikely to remain as they are now, regardless of how we feel about it. I think a minimal requirement of keeping our community growing (instead of shrinking) isn't a bad idea right now.

[Kira]

Some posters here are so ignorant on real life relationships it's almost gob-smacking.

I can see this topic turning into one of the others too. But you know what, not going to waste time on explaining to you Preet Ji, because when one just does not understand something then better to let go.
You know exactly what you are playing at. Hor kise nu sunaaa.

wouldn't bother lol. She's a break wall with the intelligence range of a caste minded fish lol.

Any sikh taking any form in pride in anything other than gurmat is honestly no real Sikh of Guru Gobind Singh Ji.

[dallysingh101]

Singh ji, what are you trying to say? We have a lot of rules, we are not supposed to surrender to kaam and moh through dating, we are supposed to spend our shakti/energy towards receiving nirvan, not dating. If you want to date I won't stop you, but it is something you will regret.

I hear you.

I'm just saying that people choosing their own partners is likely to become a norm whether we like it or not. We have perfect ideals but as a mass society we still have to acknowledge what everyday people are going to do.

Then what about converts who don't have the parents to arrange a marriage?

Or even Panjabis who are estranged from their parents/families but still cling to their faith.

It's not all black and white.

[dallysingh101]

That's true, people can do as they wish, but personally speaking it is a loss to start dating, meaning there is no point anyways, since Parmatma is our swami ji anyways, right (so why rush into dating when you are already taken)? I'm sure it is okay for converts to bring rishtas to homes, but dating as in wanting to invest time and energy into someone because you 'love' them is unnecessary if you are able to have your parents to look for a rishta.

Some people 'date' to get a sense of someone, see how they act/behave; see their personality before a serious long term commitment. That is perfectly logical to me.

Anyway, wait till you experience real life. I'm met hordes of parents who arranged their first child's marriage, subsequently found out that their choice was a seriously abusive or deceptive individual and told their younger children to find their own partners after that (within the faith).

People meet each other at work, university etc. you know.

Dating doesn't naturally imply people get physically frisky with each other btw.