please forgive me, I am going to give a general reply.... please dont take offence, I am your younger brother...
my advice would be for you to take amrit. We have been given this human life after to many life forms. Maharaj says, heerai jaisa janam hai, kaudi badlai jaaee. This precious life is like a priceless jewel, but it is being lost in exchange for a mere shell.
baajh guru dubbha jag saara - without the guru the whole world is drowning.
Dhan Guru Granth Sahib ji says
bin gur outt n hor ko , sachee outt n kadhae binaasee - there is no shelter without the Guru, the gurus refuge is never destroyed.
If you do paath then thats good and indicated you have faith in Guruji. Its good you don't drink and eat meat..try to work on your relationship with Maharaj. Start treating Maharaj as hazar nazar, he is here and always with us.
Life isnt just about getting married. If you want to make something of coming to earth you need to start following the hukam of the Guru.
Guru jis hukam is to take amrit. Taking amrit means giving your head, it means living in rehat - in a disciplined life.
You have to give your head to the guru - Maharaj says Phela maran kabool, jevaan ki chaad aas - first accept death, and give up any hope of life!!! then Maharaj says - ho sabna kee raenkaa, tho aaoo hamarai paas - become the dust of the feet of all!! and then you may come to me. Read over and over these words of the Guru, Maharaj is talking to YOU!
So go before the panj piyare and beg at their feet, and beg that they bless you with amrit di daat. If they think you are worthy they will give you amrit. Then you develop your relationship with Maharaj.
amrit gur parsadee paaeai - with the Gurus Grace, they receive this amrit.
Maharaj even tells us ...
sur nar mun jan amrit khojde, so amrit gur thae paaia - the angels and sages seach for the ambrosial nectar; this amrit is obtained only from the Guru
We are very lucky as this amrit is only obtained in this human life. the angels , the devi devte are begging for Amrit! this is one thing you were born to have, but you have been given free will to make the choice, you can beg for this amrit or you can suffer for countless more lives in the cycle of reincarnation and suffer in the law of karma....
paaeaa amrit gur kirpaa keeni, sachaa man vasaaiaa - this amrit is obtained when the Gurus grants his grace he enshrines the true Lord within the mind.
Out of the billions of people on this world, you have been shown this path..... Maharaj says ..
amrit ka ras virlai paaeeai satigur mael milaaeai - only a few obtain the sublime essence of amrit, they are united with the true guru.
But sometimes we have so many questions, so many doubts, we think we cant do it....... why? Maharaj knows this and says....
sang manohar amrit hai rae bhool bhool bikha khaaee!!!!!
Dhan Guru Arjan dev ji says the enticing Amrit is with you! but YOU ARE DELUDED! , so deluded that you eat the poison.
meaning you dont realise the meaning of sikhi, you are falling prey to the poisons of the world, the five evils, they hide the true path from you, not letting you make the choice. You have to over come this, that is something which has to come from you...
If you give your head to Maharaj and take amrit, you belong to the Guru, the Guru resolves all your affairs, the guru is responsible for everything, the Guru will guide you, he will hold you hand and save you from the deepest hells. The Guru is the one who will bring you happiness and peace and contentment. The Guru will show you your destiny written on your forehead, he is the one who will give you a wife, a job , and everything else but you need to make the sacrifice this is the difference between karma which the world lives in , and dharma which the gursikh lives in.
Make your choice.
Lets look at what Gurbani says
Gur raakhae sae oubaree hor muthee dhandai thag - those protected by the Guru are saved; all others are cheated and plundered by deceitful wordly affairs.
try to understand this is not me making things up, this is written in Gurbani, the Shabad Guru - the Word of God, this is the creator telling us!
kott jathanaa kar rehae, Gur bin thariou na koe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guru sahib tells us, trying millions of things , people have grown weary , but without the Guru , none have been saved.
I would like you to read the following very carefully.
eiknaa no har laabh dhaee jo gurmath theevae - the Lord bestows His profits on those who become Gurmukh.
Think are you a gurmukh? have you taken that step?
in the next line .....
thin jamkaal na viapee jin sach amrit peevae - the messenger of death does not touch those who drink the ambrosial nectar.!!
how amazing, how powerful!! then Dhan Dhan Dhan Guru sahib says!! ...
Oue aap shuttae paravaar sio thin pishai sabh jagath shutteevai -
they themselves are saved, along with there family and all those who follow them are saved as well.
If you take this step then I think you will experience the change in your life. You will see how much love Maharaj has for you, how much he cares about every little thing in your life, create the same love for Guru ji, for God.
But be quick before it is too late, you must act now as Guru ji says to us.........
aoudh ghattai dhinas rainarae , man gur mil kaaj savarai!
This life is diminishing day and night! Meeting with the Guru , your affairs shall be resolved!!
Even if you didn't remember the Lord for 27 tears dont worry, if you have true love for God now then the Lord will have mercy on you........Maharaj says..
mihar karai jis miharavaan thaa karaj avaii raas - showing his mercy , the Merciful master shall resolve you affairs!
Dhan Dhan Guru Nanak Dev Ji says to us;
Keetaa loreeai kam so har pehi aakheeai - whatever work you wish to acomplish - tell it to the Lord
Kaaraj deh savar sathigur sach sakheeai - he will resolve your affairs , the True Guru Gives his guarantee of truth!!!!!!
What more do you need! Please my brother, if you don't want to read this, at least think of those who have walked on this path. Dhan Dhan Guru Gobind Singh ji himself took Amrit from the 5 Piyare! ,Singhs like Baba Deep Singh Ji! the Sahibzade! Bhai Mani Singh, Bhai Taru Singh! I dont even know where to start! all the Sants, Sant Baba Gurbachan Singh, Sant Kartar Singh Ji, Sant Jarnail Singh Ji, Sant Baba Nand Singh Ji, Sant Baba Isher Singh Ji! so many more ..............
gharee mukath ke chalanaa dhil samajh thoon bhi pehchu - in a moment or two we shall depart, O my heart understand that you must go aswell!
sometimes we dont realise how precious time is, every moment that passes is lost, our time is getting nearer, my friend told me once THE ONLY THING THATS GUARANTEED IS DEATH. But we take it for granted.
Dont lose this chance!
I will leave you with this shabad, it is what changed my life , read it over and over. The Gurus sangat is always here to help you, and support you. Guru ji will help you on your journey, if you think you will find things hard, dont worry, help will come to you, anything is possible. You need to make a decision whether you are loyal to the Guru or not.... Please read below...
har saachae thakhath rachaaeiaa sath sa(n)gath maelaa a
The Lord God established the True congregation of the holy as his celestial throne.
naanak nirabho nira(n)kaar vich sidhhaa(n) khaelaa a
Guru Nanak illuminated the Yogi Sidhs with the true form of the Fearless and Formless One.
gur simar manaaee kaalakaa kha(n)ddae kee vaelaa aa
In His Tenth Form, the Guru entreated the Shakti, the Integrity by bequeathing the nectar through the double edged sword.
peevahu paahul kha(n)ddaedhhaar hoe janam suhaelaa aa
Drink the Amrit nectar of double edged Khanda sword, accomplish the worth of your birth.
gur sa(n)gath keenee khhaalasaa manamukhee dhuhaelaa aa
While the egocentric remains in duality, the Khalsa - the pure ones, enjoy the association of the Guru;
vaah vaah gobi(n)dh si(n)gh aapae gur chaelaa || 1 ||
Hail, hail (Guru) Gobind Singh; He, Himself, is the Master and Disciple too.
I apologise for any mistakes, forgive me