SonyNeech i have been reading and analysing ur posts over the past few months, now im going to be frank here so plz forgive me, i feel you crave attention, u have these highs and lows, but i feel you are quite lonely and go through spells of sadness, then you start the self hate, suicidal topics because it gives u some much needed attention.....this isnt healthly for you....
Concentrate on your sikhi, if you get lonely go gurghar and do sewa, listen to bani, find some gursikh sangat DO ANYTHING!
slok
]salok ||
Salok:
kbIrw mrqw mrqw jgu muAw mir iB n jwnY koie ]
kabeeraa marathaa marathaa jag muaa mar bh n jaanai koe ||
Kabeer, the world is dying - dying to death, but no one knows how to truly die.
AYsI mrnI jo mrY bhuir n mrnw hoie
]1]aisee maranee jo marai bahur n maranaa hoe ||1||
Whoever dies, let him die such a death, that he does not have to die again. ||1||