Men And Women

[Kizza Kaur]

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If I’ve got the wrong end of the stick then am sorry, but this has been playing on my mind, and since I myself have come of age, I wanted to know what the basics of marital attitudes are. All Sikh girls, as soon as they come of age, are taught that they should look upon their husband as their ‘Guru’. I AM NOT trying to refute this, only I am a little confused about something. Sikhi, (as I have always been brought up with), teaches us that men and women are equal. My question is, if men and women are equal, how is it that women are supposed to see their husbands as their Guru, and therefore their superior? What is the reasoning behind this?

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[Jaspaul Singh]

Seeing your husband as guru, god or superior is im guessing a very hindu way of life.. as they practise that .. sikhs do too who are confused perhaps..

In gurbani it doesnt say anywhere (if im right) that you should treat your husband as god. RATHER it is saying that your real husband is guru ji himself, your real wife is GURU JI himself..

BUT YES.. when it comes to the relationship of the worldly husband/wife themselves, it works both ways..

BOTH should be equal..

BOTH should treat each other with respect..

NO ONE is more superior than the other and therefore you MUST perform certain seva towrads one side..

RATHER as gurbani says .. your spouse and yourself will be the MAIN DOMINANT match that would learn together.. go through obstacles .. and together teach other about gurbani and learn more yourself and go through together to become a better sikh..

[singh_sandhu]

Well put Jaspaul Singh Paji. I agree dat women treatin their husbands as "God" is mainly adapted in the hindu culture as the women hav 2 touch their husbands feet n etc...wher as Sikhi dnt say (if im right) to touch ur husbands feets.

Both women n men are equal in sikhi, so therfore both shud b treated equaly.

[Guest Lohgarh Singh]

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wel sed paji, well paji

[Heera Singh]

han G... the above 2 posts are correct... today, unfortunately, many punjabi/sikh families are still following the old or 'hindu' ways.... things such as 'husband is god' or 'caste' and all that nonsense still live on in punjabi/sikh families today... but, we are the new generation... we gotta make sure that doesn't happen.. i'm sure MANY of us on this forum are at the age or almost at the age where marriage talks will be, or already have come up... we gotta make sure for the future that we ourselves act accordingly, no matter what others say... i.e. parents, friends etc... we gotta live our life by the good book...

even personal experience, my grandma's alwayz like ' we're gonna find you a nice ramgharia sikh gurl.. blah blah blah'.. and one time i got fed up and kinda went off... sayin that in sikhi we don't believe in caste and all that.. she never mentioned it again.. ... but yah.. in a relationship... nobody is superior... IF anybody were to be superior it would be the woman.. guru jee even 'praises' women in Asa Di Vaar... but in the end, we're all equal (sorry ladies.. muahah).. now it should be seen as mutual respect to eachother... obvioulsy if both people love eachother they'er gonna treat the other 'better' then other people, and will do nethin for them... but that all comes wit relationship.. :doh: :nihungsmile:

[Kizza Kaur]

hmmm, ok. but why is it that when we take lavaan (vows infront of Guru Ji) that the woman always follows the man around Guru Granth Sahib Ji? that is symbolic in itself i was told, that it shows that women should follow their husband, whether they are right or wrong (even though i personally find this a lil hard to accept). but newayz, thanx for the info, much appreciated.

[Sher Khalsa]

i kinda disagree...

guru ji made that comparison in gurbani, of us being the wife and god the husband because the husband looks out for the wife...

in anand karaj the wifes parents give her to the husband... and the husband is suppose to look out for the wife thru thick and thin even if it costs him his life...

guys and girls are equal no doubt... the guy ideally is suppose to provide the wife with everything she needs and look out for her, and in return the wife treats the husband with so much respect...

so that respect is earned by the actions of the husband.... but if the husband doesnt treat his wife right, than hes not fulfilling his role in the relationship, so he doesnt deserve to be treated like next to god....

but if both husband and wife fulfill their roles i believe the wife will naturally treat her husband like next to god and the husband will provide the wife with everything she wants / needs....

the main role of the mom is to raise a child who is either a SANT , a martyr or a sevak.... and the husbands is to provide for the family... (its in gurbani)

i know its harder these days , but everything i wrote above is 'ideals' and how it would ideally be...

so ideally the husband would EARN that respect from his wife, but if u dont earn it i dont think u deserve ittt...

[Heera Singh]

about the lavaa... i see it as symbolism... for example... the inuit people up north canada... when the husband and wife go out, the husband alwayz walks in front.... reason being, that if anything were to happen (i.e. a bear or wolf comes and attacks) the husband would be there to protect the wife... i see it as the same thing... the husband walks in front to show that he will alwayz be there to protect his wife.. as well, will alwayz be there to provide for the wife and family.... i dunno if thats what it exactly represents... but tha's the way i see it... :TH: :nihungsmile:

[Kizza Kaur]

nice to know that people on sikh sangat take a positive approach to it, because many men take lavaa to mean that their wife should obey them, and that they have a right over them in a negative way. but newayz, thanx for the info.

[Sikh_Kuri]

nice to know that people on sikh sangat take a positive approach to it, because many men take lavaa to mean that their wife should obey them, and that they have a right over them in a negative way. but newayz, thanx for the info.

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Nah bhenji, i beliv dat mainly hapens in hinduism, n peeps jus mix both religions up.