Forced Marriages Among British Sikhs

[SSM]

The thing is Prem that I dont know what Anjaan has to say abt this and I dont think she is going to read all this :wub: but men can really help here.

I was thinking, lets say a woman is being abused, she can have me (female) help her get out but she might refuse because she may worry about the world has to offer her once she leaves.

Now if she is reluctant to leave but has someone like Prem tell her how life can be better once she is out then maybbe she is more likely to take that step? I dont know, I was just thinking that if u got a bloke tel u that what ur bloke is doing is wrong then maybe she will think , yeah its wrong and im not taking it.

Anyways, dont know to be honest.

Sikh Supreme, no offence to freshies but these guys are usually not 'innocent' lol, dont think they care what the woman has done b4 marriage as long as they can marry her.

I think that u cant blame parents for running to india once their daughter is upto stuff but they shouldnt force her to get married but should maybe keep her there for a while, means she keeps away from all that.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

[sikh supreme]

SSM,

I know these "freshies" have generally one intention to get that red (british) passport with her majesty's crown on it lol. But still they too expect a wife to have some decency and modesty but you get these rouge girls and guys who want to rebel and bring shame to their respective families. That respect / shame and honour element is why asian society on the whole hasnt fully adopted the bad traits of British white/black society like getting pregant and having 1 partent families thinking its the norm and going out everynight getting pissd of their heads and looking for a fight afterwards to end a good evening out. If British Asian society starts to follow the British norm then God help this socitey because we will truely enter kal yug.

And Personally I stay clear of girls who have a history and bad past of relations with several men because dont want the mother of my kids to be known as a prostitute in the community and I want them raised in a good stable home with love and care. I know I would expect my wife to dress modestly as gurbani says also.

[SSM]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

Sikh Supreme

yep they all after majesty's crown lol

At one point in my life i was ready to marry a freshy, but really talk to them and no way! they expect a lot from their wife, but so do a lot of men in the west.but for freshies an affair is more ok, and i dont understand how parents can force daughters to marry men that not interested inthem but their passports.

Freshies want a 'good' wife but thinkits ok to be going around with other women themselves.

Which is why I dont think any parent should force their daughter to marry a freshy

so much inequality-this creates that izzat issue which means parents run to india if they suspect their daughter. true that izzat has kept our community the way it is, but u cant deny that with the advantages came disadvantages.

if men saw women as equals and older women saw all women as equals we may not have the prob of forced marriages for girls. Their view would be respected.

ofcourse u want a decent wife but y keep away from the other girls?

u can still be mates?

maybe even help sort them out slowly

i dont think a mother can claim she loves her daughter and yet take her to india and make her marrry a man she may never love.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

[sikh supreme]

SSM,

It's quite interesting though cos most of our parents probably had forced or arranged marriages. It's only recent years here in the west that love marriages have become fashionable. But look at results, they had to stick it through even in bad times but our generation are all to quick to opt for divorce when marriage doesnt seems its all that its cracked up to be.

Like it or lothe it the female carries the izzat (honour) of the family. When it is lost in a society of anarchy then you can see the results for yourself... rapes are seen as the norm, and other henious crimes take their place.

I had a friend at college who was a quite an attractive girl then started to hang out with a crowd of paki and bengali muslims then got involved in smoking and drugs. I always used to see her run off to them when they came in their car and she got in without a care in the world. A few weeks later she told me she was gang raped by the guys. And yet still when I tried to help her out by getting the guys beaten up.... she still hang around with the same type of crowd of druggies and no hopers.

I just felt really sorry for her family, cos they thought she just a normal girl but when they found out..... they had mental break down. I lost touch with her after I left college for uni but I won't be suprised if she was forced into saving her family more bezthi by marrying a freshie.

It's a difficult issue..... one that is can not be easily solved.

[SSM]

I dont know if u can blame love marriages for the divorce rate. If a person wants to stick thru that marriage they will regardless of whether it was forced or not. Some ppl will be ready to divorce for the simple reason that they are not 'compatible' but that can happen in both types of marriage and it does.

It is down to the individual.

Ofcourse ppl did not divorce much then but is happiness not also important so its not much good if they were very unhappy, in which case is a love marriage not a better option?

izzat is not something only the woman of the house holds.

in God's house ur just as bad for sleeping around whether u r a man or a woman. So if it is equally bad then we should accept that.

In my view men going off and having affairs also ruins the family izzat. Problem is some ppl wont accept that which is why everyone forces women to marry freshies but not so much if the son does something wrong. What happened to equality in Sikhism??

Your friend- with that type of crowd that is what u get, a few drunk guys and a drunk girl, usually the outcome. My frineds who have been were not taken to india, now they have a chance to sort themselves out in their own time, if izzat had come first their lives may've been destroyed in an unhappy marriage.

You cant blame her for hanging out with them, she may not know any other way to forget her pains than go to a club or take drugs. In fact, yesterday i went to a friend's party and everyone but me was drunk, it was the typical crowd, but u enjoy it at that time, u really dont have a worry in the world when ur on the dance floor or ur talking to drunk ppl, ur in some next world, it does not feel good like it does when u go to the Gurdwara but for someone in pain it is the ideal place to forget everything. Especially if they dont know how it feels like to go to the Gurdwara.

I know that if I did anything dodgy by parents would never take me to india, because b4 this false izzat comes happiness and the way to go abt things is to help ur daughter, not to throw her to the next boy in the pind. I think all parents need to forget this idea of ''what will ppl say'' and just do what is best for their children in the long run and not what is good for their izzat in the short.

I dont know if anyone will agree on that, but there is general izzat and there is 'what will the community say', we tend to get the 2 mixed up and the day we stop we may not have forced marriages.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

[DivineJourney]

I dont know if u can blame love marriages for the divorce rate. If a person wants to stick thru that marriage they will regardless of whether it was forced or not. Some ppl will be ready to divorce for the simple reason that they are not 'compatible' but that can happen in both types of marriage and it does.

It is down to the individual.

Ofcourse ppl did not divorce much then but is happiness not also important so its not much good if they were very unhappy, in which case is a love marriage not a better option?

izzat is not something only the woman of the house holds.

in God's house ur just as bad for sleeping around whether u r a man or a woman. So if it is equally bad then we should accept that.

In my view men going off and having affairs also ruins the family izzat. Problem is some ppl wont accept that which is why everyone forces women to marry freshies but not so much if the son does something wrong. What happened to equality in Sikhism??

Your friend- with that type of crowd that is what u get, a few drunk guys and a drunk girl, usually the outcome.  My frineds who have been were not taken to india, now they have a chance to sort themselves out in their own time, if izzat had come first their lives may've been destroyed in an unhappy marriage.

You cant blame her for hanging out with them, she may not know any other way to forget her pains than go to a club or take drugs. In fact, yesterday i went to a friend's party and everyone but me was drunk, it was the typical crowd, but u enjoy it at that time, u really dont have a worry in the world when ur on the dance floor or ur talking to drunk ppl, ur in some next world, it does not feel good like it does when u go to the Gurdwara but for someone in pain it is the ideal place to forget everything. Especially if they dont know how it feels like to go to the Gurdwara.

I know that if I did anything dodgy by parents would never take me to india, because b4 this false izzat comes happiness and the way to go abt things is to help ur daughter, not to throw her to the next boy in the pind. I think all parents need to forget this idea of ''what will ppl say'' and just do what is best for their children in the long run and not what is good for their izzat in the short.

I dont know if anyone will agree on that, but there is general izzat and there is 'what will the community say', we tend to get the 2 mixed up and the day we stop we may not have forced marriages.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

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SSM je shud be awarded for writing the LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG yet intresting posts...all her post are more than 300-400 world....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm its a lotta writing.... :TH: :TH:

[SSM]

soz, like i said b4 i dont have time to write short posts, il try not to write so much next time but it takes 5mins to write that one adn 10mins to writeconcise post and i aint got that much time, but il type much less from now on.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

[Prem]

SSM

You have much to say - God gave you insight and the desire to express yourself - so dont shorten what you say - as though there is something wrong with speaking at length - I for one am interested in and read all your posts.

Express yourself - only when we express ourselves can we be free.

[SSM]

yeah ok we r expresing ourselves and thats important as the first step but we at SS need to find a way to get out there and do sewa, dunno how but i want to, we all sit here and maybe everyone can help out for a few hrs at some refuge or something... .

See I really dont know but maybe someone knows some way members of SS can help???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh