Jokes

[simer_169]

Two Pilots try to land an airplane in the United States. They

start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot screamed "The

runway is ending!". The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the

air.

They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the

ground, the pilot scream again "Get the plane up, the runaway is ending!

The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air. They make a big

turn and start descending again. This goes on again and again.

During their fourth descent the pilot says: "Look at those stupid

Americans, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a short

runaway", "I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide they made

it."

[simer_169]

Once there was a train, which was going peacefully on the rail-tracks.

Suddenly the train deviated from the tracks, went onto the fields nearby

and then came back on the tracks. The passengers were horrified.

On the next railway station the driver was caught

He was questioned. He explained that there was a man standing on the

tracks and he was not moving from there even after blowing the horn,

flashing the lights etc.

The authorities questioned: Driver -- are you mad! Just to save the life of

one person you put the lives of so many passengers in danger. You should

have run that person over.

Driver: That is exactly what I had decided, but this <banned word filter activated> started

running towards the field when the train got real close.

[simer_169]

How a man withdraws cash from ATM.

1) Park the car

2) Go to ATM

3) Insert card

4) Enter PIN

5) Take money

6) Drive away

How a woman withdraws cash from ATM

1) Park the car

2) Check makeup

3) Turn off engine

4) Check makeup

5) Go to ATM

6) Hunt for ATM card in the purse.

7) Insert card

8) Hit Cancel

9) Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it.

10) Insert card

11) Enter PIN

12) Take cash

13) Go to car

14) Check makeup

15) Start car

16) Stop car

17) Run back to ATM

18) Take ATM card

19) Back to car

20) Check makeup

21) Start car

22) Check makeup

23) Drive for ½ mile

24) Release hand-brake

25) Drive on.

[simer_169]

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.

Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

===============

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

===============

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...

Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates ya know.

===============

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

===============

Customer: I have problems printing in red...

Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

===============

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

===============

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

===============

Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

===============

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.

===============

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

===============

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

===============

Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

===============

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

===============

And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

Customer: I don't have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

[anjaan]

23) Drive for ½ mile

24) Release hand-brake

25) Drive on.

haha that's just standard!!! lol happens all the time!!

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

lol printers!!!! the other night i tried to work mine and like it wouldn't even switch on so i thought ok i'll tackle it tomorrow....so next morning i realised i had forgot to plug it in! :lol:

[simer_169]

23) Drive for ½ mile

24) Release hand-brake

25) Drive on.

haha that's just standard!!! lol happens all the time!!

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

lol printers!!!! the other night i tried to work mine and like it wouldn't even switch on so i thought ok i'll tackle it tomorrow....so next morning i realised i had forgot to plug it in! :lol:

134929[/snapback]

ya these things happen with every person......

[japmans]

hmmm

clearly you don't know our dear gurjit kaur... they don't happen to EVERY person..they mainly happen to her :lol:

hehehe

[curious_man]

lol printers!!!! the other night i tried to work mine and like it wouldn't even switch on so i thought ok i'll tackle it tomorrow....so next morning i realised i had forgot to plug it in! 

u r sooo funny...

i wished that if i wud have been ure bro and also been there that morning... oh my i wud have been laughing whole day.. just like bart laughs on lisa..haha i guess u know simpsons!!

[anjaan]

lol i don't know about funny.....am quite sure about dopey though haha be sure to check the memebers pictures thread haha

ya Japmans everything is your fault!!! :lol:

[gupt_paapi]

lol i don't know about funny.....am quite sure about dopey though haha  be sure to check the memebers pictures thread haha

ya Japmans everything is your fault!!! 

135475[/snapback]

lol gurjy a dopey model!! :lol: emii....