Am I Being Selfish?

[Guest selfish?]

Ifffff I stick around and do what my parents ask that will make them and the guy I am supposed to be getting hooked up to and his family extremely happy

But will most likely make me miserable :D

If I however go away and do my own thing that will make me happy but my parents and family miserable

See thing is my parents want me to be married but I don’t want to be married

To me a grisht jeevan does not just mean being married, I would still be in touch with my family, would still work and all that, just I would not be wed. nothing would please me more than spending a few years in India with a great ustaad and learning raag kirtan and to be able to come back and share knowledge and do parchaar and seva, and yes I know all these things can be done with a partner but then you have 101 other things to take into account too like the mortgage and in laws and whos cooking and kids and bills and you get the picture.

Inside me there is no ichaa/desire to be married at all, like I don’t feel lonely or feel that I need a partner to help boost my Sikhi or have any other emotional/physical needs that only a man can cater for (if you get my drift) it’s not even that I am too young (23) so I think I CAN sort of make decisions for myself right?

i just think I have this one shot at 'life' and I should just do what I want to do?

But my parents think I am being selfish

So are they right? So would sticking around and doing what my parents ask be the ‘Sikh’ thing to do?

Sorry if I have confused anyone!!! I am pretty confused myself!!!

and people without anything worthwhile to say should not even bother in replying but thanks to everyone else in advance!

[Pheena]

Isn't it also a possibility that your parents are acting selfishly to avoid the burdon of a un-married daughter on their shoulders? You first need to understand their true intention to get you married.

Is it because they consider you a burdon, perhaps not in a direct or insensitive manner but maybe it is there in their unconscious.

If so then convince them otherwise.

If it is out of Parenting Love, then Love is such a force that it can rise above any conflict, with a little bit of mending through an honest discussion.

If they are doing it for your benefit, then perhaps they odn't understand your decision to lead such life. As it does not fit into their norm of living they had expected for their children. It is not so much that you are wrong in wanting such a life style, it is the inability for both parties to reach a common consensus on what is the best for you.

Often (indian) parents find their childrens ambitions to be rather child like with no real foundation. The thing is all they have been taught, all they have known is this way of living. You get a Job, get married, raise a family, teach them education, marry them off and the cycle continues. It is an efficient and in most cases productive to the Society as a whole. So it continues.

This has happened to them, because it had happened to their parents and their Grand parents and so forth, now it is again being used upon their children. All they know is that this system works and for the 90% of your generation it does, but there are those exception who rebel. The result from the rebellion is almost always dependent upon the openess and the sensativity to hear their children that the parents must posses. Their ability to understand and let go of this norm-cycle, to create a detour for their children from this Social Norm which is almost hard-wired in their minds. So you have to understand their side of the situation as well.

I can't think of any other way but an open an Honest, Sensable and Resonable dialogue. One thing is for sure is that you better have thought this out to consider every possibility of your future. If your parents are not easily convinced as it is looks to be the case, you better provide them valid yet reasonable plans for your future to which they can relate to.

Best of luck to you my dear sis :D

Waheguru