Changing Men’s And Boys’ Attitudes And Beliefs About Violence Against Women And Girls.

[kaur_khalistani_lioness]

waheguru ji kakhalsa waheguru ji ki fateh!

was tryin to see what was on tv and ended up watching ABC (TV channel) show today. as the title says they talked about violence against womn nd grls.

i think im still in denial though that these things happen(thats just me in my lil bubble world :sady: ). anyhow i thought we all could learn more about our roles and responsibilities in this world by checking the site out. as a human being(sikh) we need to be aware of whats going on in the world and how we could help/make a change. everyone will get something different out of reading from this site: http://www.whatwillittake.org/NETCOMMUNITY...6&srcid+183

for me it was disturbing to listen to and read the views of people towards the female gender. the positive thing is that it gave my soul comfort that something is being done and people are reaching out.

hopefully we all can learn something from this.

one thing that was talked about again and again in the discussion was the need to change the attitude of boys nd men'. (i think womens own attitudes need to be changed as well but this site shows that how imp it is to have the opposite genders views changed before the problem can be solved or changes could be made)

i feel that its important for all of us to read the articles and poems on that site cuz these things effect all of us.

links to some of the articles:

http://www.whatwillittake.org/NETCOMMUNITY...4&srcid=546

http://www.whatwillittake.org/NETCOMMUNITY...9&srcid=515

bhul chuk muaff karni

waheguru ji kakhalsa waheguru ji ki fateh!

[kaur_khalistani_lioness]

also there is book that i just got a link to from someone i know

its called:THE MACHO PARADOX

the author had a discussion at one of the univs about his book. which, as i got to hear, was brilliant. the uni boyz/men were the ones talking about it and said how they nevr thought about things the way the guy explained. many, from the sororities, said that they never were aware of the fact that they were such type of guys.

http://www.themachoparadox.com/

have a look at the site as well

bhul chuk muaff karni

waheguru ji kakhalsa waheguru ji ki fateh!

[Prem]

This is a problem within our community that needs to be addressed.

Domestic violence is not nessecarily higher in our families, but sadly it probably is much more denied.

It stems from the family set up --- women who are being abused feel they cannot escape in case it brings 'shame' on their family and so they suffer in silence.

I think men who don't stand up for their wives, or who resort to bullying and beating them, are cowards.

What do you think we can do about it Kaur_Khalistani_Lioness?

[B4ND4]

*Post edited coz a Bandari ordered me to do so

[Guest Papi]

What do you think we can do about it Kaur_Khalistani_Lioness?

men who abuse their wives (this includes both physical and emotional abuse) should be shot in their ****

[sikh supreme]

Culture of abuse starts at the home, when you become parent or already are. You will dictate the future of how your kids grow up. If you curse your partner, show hate instead of love, use violence when you should embrace then obviously the kids will pick negative attitudes and so the cycle repeats itself. Domestic violence works both ways, is NOT a gender specific crime. Most abuse of partners is done at the hands of men (husbands/boyfriends) and most cases of physical/emtional abuse of children is done by mothers. According to stats and articles I read sometime ago on various websites.

http://www.freshnews.in/mothers-abuse-chil...ers-report-2971

http://www.oregoncounseling.org/Handouts/D...ViolenceMen.htm

http://wadv.org/maleabuse.htm

http://www.batteredmen.com/

(These are just a few links to websites which show the perpertraitors of domestic violence are not just men)

intoxicants (ie alcohol) and stress I would say would be the main components for a partner to lash out because they are not of the rational state of mind.

I think there is a grey area between discipline and domestic violence. How would a mother/father for example not get done for domestic violence if he/she slaps their child for something wrong/dangerous he/she may have done, when they are trying to dicipline the kid.

[kaur_khalistani_lioness]

What do you think we can do about it Kaur_Khalistani_Lioness?

men who abuse their wives (this includes both physical and emotional abuse) should be shot in their **** :umm:

humble singh i can't believe u saying that (knwing how caring and compassionate u are) but i understand

anyhow Prem what do i think? well im still thinking about it. there are just so many things.

but one thing is for sure that the first thing was and is to educated ourselves about these things that they exist and how terrible they are(not turning a blind eye to these things) so we dont end up being one of those people who r either victims or abusers. also we'll be able to help others or recognize if smeone needs help.

2nd when i was watching the life stories of some of the women who got into the mess of s** trade nd people having discussions on various other issues....some of the words of guru maharaj kept on coming to me. it made me look at the treasure Sikhi is. realized the imp of helping each other learn what Guru sahib says to us to improve our lives.

i was thinking why do these people think women are any less than a man? why RIGHT NOW AT THIS TIME/age, in our progressive world, we still have men thinking that women are any less and that they can abuse women anyway they like? why people acting like animals and can't see each others worth?

it reminded me to read Gurbani and try to understand the state o our being! what we are and how to treat each other.

one of the thingz they were talking about waz that we need to teach our kids, brothers and other "guys" on how to treat women. i almost cried and laughed at that statement because it showed our society's state of mind/thinking and how we have forgotten to treat each other?

couldnt thank waheguru for teaching me so many lessons through this program. i took so many things for granted before this.

its like we need to LEARN ND WE NEED someone to TEACH us how to live a proper life(learned the importance of having{need}GURU SAHIB JI nd Sikhi). how easy it is to become an animal and waste this life!

there is just so much to say...but post will get real long.

at the end of it its imp to help each other understand how precious life is, and recon the soul (Laal rattan)

man eaek n chaethas moorr manaa ||

In your mind, you do not remember the One Lord-you fool!

har bisarath thaerae gun galiaa ||1|| rehaao ||

You have forgotten the Lord; your virtues shall wither away. ||1||Pause||

bhul chuk muaff karni

waheguru ji kakhalsa waheguru ji ki fateh!

[Prem]

The way I see it is this Lioness.

It's our culture of 'honour' that prevents girls escaping domestic violence as much as they should. If a woman is being abused in a marriage, there are so many pressures on her to stay in the marriage by family, 'aunties', that kind of thing, that they don't ever escape. The power of the bullying mother-in-law is another thing.

Unless that changes things will stay the same. I think in the West it is changing over generations, but it still persists. The main thing we can do is offer support to women in these situations. This means physical and legal support, both secular and as Sikhs. For example, if a Sikh woman is suffering, surely there should be resources and organisations run by Sikhs to help her?

Also, the most vulnerable are the Indian women who get married to a guy from the UK or Canada or America --- they have no job, are in a different culture and are at the mercy of him and his family.

This is why it is important for Sikh girls to be educated and have jobs ---- so that they can stand on their own feet and not worry about being destitute if their partner or his family start to abuse them.

[Guest Papi]

What do you think we can do about it Kaur_Khalistani_Lioness?

men who abuse their wives (this includes both physical and emotional abuse) should be shot in their **** :D

humble singh i can't believe u saying that :umm: (knwing how caring and compassionate u are) but i understand

I just feel VERY strongly about it, thats all.

coming from a male prespective, i think it comes from ego. to keep the woman "down" stupid men little do we know that if it wasn't for women we wouldn't even be here. i've seen men who don't physically beat their wives but they do it emotionally, thats even more cunning :<Edited>:

if it was upto me i would take these kind of people, restrain them so they can't move and slowly slowly, drop water droplets on their forehead :lol: and if you think that's a joke, it aint, thats an ancient torture technique chinese used , and its very effective emotinally, without the physical damage

[kaur_khalistani_lioness]

sikh supreme

i agree with u on all u have said.

I think there is a grey area between discipline and domestic violence.

there is

Culture of abuse starts at the home, when you become parent or already are.

right so becomes the resposibilty of parents or people who are involved with kids to teach them to respect other people in this case women and girls. young ones def learn from our actions more thn what we say to them(or to anyone). like u said, the kids learn from their parents.

(As Gurbani is our mother nd father, it teaches us good things=) to make our life and others,around us, better nd beautiful! )

bhul chuk muaff karni

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh