Solutions Domestic Violence In Our Community

[mandeep99]

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/british-columbia/...woman-shot.html

A B.C. woman who survived being shot in the face by her estranged husband is speaking out against what she calls an epidemic of domestic violence in the Indo-Canadian community.

In an exclusive interview with CBC News on Wednesday, Gurjeet Kaur Ghuman described how her husband climbed into her car last October in Port Coquitlam with a gun, shot her and then turned the gun on himself.

Gurjeet Kaur Ghuman was left blind after her husband shot her twice in the head in October.

(CBC)

Parmajit Singh Ghuman died, but the woman he intended to kill lived.

"He actually shot me twice in my head, one right by my eyes and one right through my brain," she said.

Ghuman, who is now blind, said she felt the need to tell her story because so many other Indo-Canadian women in B.C.'s Lower Mainland have been victims of domestic violence.

Several have not survived.

They include Manjit Panghali, a young mother whose body was found burned in October by a roadside in Delta. Her husband Mukhtiar Panghali was charged with second-degree murder in March.

Also in October, Navreet Kaur Waraich, the mother of a four-month-old boy, was stabbed to death in Surrey. Her husband Jatinder has been charged with second-degree murder.

In February, another young Indo-Canadian mother was stabbed to death in Surrey. And just last week, a Sikh man from Vancouver was arrested in India and charged with murdering his estranged wife. Police alleged she left the marriage, but her husband tracked her down and killed her.

Anti-domestic violence march planned

For months, the Indo-Canadian community has been holding meetings and urging women to speak up about abuse. An anti-domestic violence march is planned for Thursday in Vancouver's Little India neighbourhood.

Ghuman said women must protect themselves. If they are in a violent relationship, they should consider divorce, even if some Indo-Canadian women consider such a move shameful.

"Go ahead, sign the papers and everybody separate," Ghuman said. "Or do you want to die?"

Ghuman's brother, Bo, said there is a cultural barrier preventing women from escaping dangerous situations. He said some Indo-Canadians believe women should be silent and endure.

"If the wife is subservient and does everything her husband tells her to do, everything's good in the world and your marriage will work just fine," he said, citing the belief many hold.

"But that's just not reality."

Ghuman said women need to take charge.

"Our community is basically driven by males and I think it should be half-driven by women," she said.

[MPKaur]

It's a really sad but on the one hand, i agree women should stand up for themselves but on hte other hand, isn't it like blaming the victim?

IF a woman does get out of an abusive marriage, what's gonna happen to her? To her kids? (in terms of the punjabi community).

If she does and everyone ostracize her at the Gurudwara and later no one wants to marry her children, is it worth it?

Shouldn't there be an awareness and education on domestic violence in the community through the Gurudwara for instance before we encourage women to leave?

What is the role of the Gurudwara? ANd the parents who raise those boys who later become abusive husband?

Should there be education on anger management, marriage counsellings? in the Gurudwaras? (i'm just giving a few examples but there are so many).

Should these men be shamed by other men? Should other men, when they see on of their family member treating his wife badly, intervene or at least say something?

I just don't think divorce should be the first thing, other steps shold be done first. And it start by raising good sons (who are given the freedom to talk about their feelings. However, it seems boys are not aloud to show feelings but can express them in anger and with fists)

Maybe the first step is being done right now by lifting the 'let's keep it quiet, let's not talk about it"

Hey we can't change what we don't acknowledge...

[mandeep99]

It's a really sad but on the one hand, i agree women should stand up for themselves but on hte other hand, isn't it like blaming the victim?

IF a woman does get out of an abusive marriage, what's gonna happen to her? To her kids? (in terms of the punjabi community).

If she does and everyone ostracize her at the Gurudwara and later no one wants to marry her children, is it worth it?

Shouldn't there be an awareness and education on domestic violence in the community through the Gurudwara for instance before we encourage women to leave?

What is the role of the Gurudwara? ANd the parents who raise those boys who later become abusive husband?

Should there be education on anger management, marriage counsellings? in the Gurudwaras? (i'm just giving a few examples but there are so many).

Should these men be shamed by other men? Should other men, when they see on of their family member treating his wife badly, intervene or at least say something?

I just don't think divorce should be the first thing, other steps shold be done first. And it start by raising good sons (who are given the freedom to talk about their feelings. However, it seems boys are not aloud to show feelings but can express them in anger and with fists)

Maybe the first step is being done right now by lifting the 'let's keep it quiet, let's not talk about it"

Hey we can't change what we don't acknowledge...

i agree with you, we need to turn the tables rather then judging the women who have the courage to leave their abusive huspands turn the tables on the abusive huspand because it takes a coward to hit his wife. Bring the huspand and his parants out in the public eye and show what type of cowards these ppl are.

Also reason alot of these boys end up like this is lets face it boys from punjab and in the west are some of the biggest mama's boys and can't even wash their own cloth when their 20 and need thier mommy's. Mother in laws provocing thier sons is huge were mother's feel like their losing their son's to their son's wives so they start turning on their daughter in laws and challenging the son to follow suit.

Bring awarness in the gurdwara and get a private hotline going and turn the tables on the coward huspands.

and how do the sons and daughters grow up and turn out to be like when they grow up watching their fathers abuse their mothers?

[2desi]

I think this issue is more complicated than just men abusing their wives. Things to do with money, bringing relatives over from india, blackmail, runaway brides/grooms and fake marriages play a large role in these cases. Also its not just the men doing the abuse, in the Waraich case she was abusing her husband (hitting him) they were always fighting over money (according to the people living upstairs over their basement suite in Newton) and then the man snapped, stabbed his wife numerous times, the Bibi (A Singhni) living upstairs came down.

"She praised her mother for facing down the knife-wielding suspect with no regard for her own safety. The elder Basran managed to get Jatinder Waraich out of the house and seated on a bench while police raced to the scene."

So the abuse can go either way.

The part about Gurdwaras "taking a stand" and "doing something" I don't agree with necessarily. Gurdwaras encourage and preach out that a person should abide by Sikh principles and by doing so, there should not be any major conflicts in marriage. People are quick to run to Gurdwaras to have an Anand Karaj ceremony but never abide by the Sikh principles. The night before the wedding the groom get smashed out of his mind, then come infront of Guru Ji and after at the reception the same thing drinking, partying, drugs, ect...., what do people expect to happen?

Read Bani, Do Simran, Wake up at Amritvela, Take Amrit, Keep Reyat, Abide by the Sikh Principles, Do Ardas, that's the best solution I can think of.

[mandeep99]

WE need programs to teach young girls how to be strong

Back in the day sikh women use to go into battle with men.

Need to teach girls gatka like this girl

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=PSavRjEhhMY&NR=1

[mandeep99]

the gurdwara is their to guide the community in sikhi and other issues, and the gurdwara has bin used many times in dealing with community issues which is bin going on for over three hundred years from the days of fighting wars with mughuls.

Set up programs to educate women and men how to respect eachother and start setting up programs to target young youth in helping to do this.