Need Advice

[Guest _keskigirl_]

FATEH!

A girl member of my family wants to marry a sikh boy who is does not keep his hair. She says that she loves him and she feels that he is the right person for her but her family is very against it. The family tells her that she is moving away from sikhi by marrying him and she says she is bring him closer to it. Her family says that she has to choose either him or her family but she doesn't understand why they just cannot be happy for her and why their love has to be conditional.

She is very depressed these days and I want to be supportive of her decision but I am still having a hard time with it. She tells me that why should she have to sacrifice her happiness for her family. I do not know what to tell her because she says that he is a really good person and so is his family and she has known him for 1 year.

She says that you can not judge a book by its cover and that she hope him closer to sikhi by teaching him what she knows but she does not want to force it on him.

HELP PLEASE!!!!!

[SonyNeech]

He is the lucky person

[Guest _anonymous_]

It has become apparent that such problems between a prospective partner and family are becoming more and more common as more of us choose to find our own husbands/wives.

Im assuming very few of us on this forum are parents so it is difficult to identify with a parents opinion.

The concept of blackmailing their daughter saying its 'us or him' is by no means acceptable, it shows that the family have no faith in their daughters ability to seek a suitable partner. Speaking from my own experiences, 'strict and or restricted' families havent a clue on what is best for their son or daughter (bigger issue with daughters), as the restricted environment doesnt allow their child to be comfortable truly expressing themselves, and hence parents dont really know their child.

I have been with my 'girlfriend' for three years, were both 21 now, and once we get good jobs etc, she'll b telling her parents, shes jatt and im tarkhan so were likely to have similar difficulties where she may be told to choose. (Her family hav previously said 2 her 'only jatts')

Unfortunately the situation your cousin/sister (not sure of the relation) is in is one of immense difficulty, shd she 'submit' to her familys demands, she'll live with the regret forever. The double edged sword is that if her relationship goes down the pan, her family are likely to say 'you dug your grave, now lie in it'.

If she is independant financially etc, please be supportive of her, if u respect her as an equal allow her 2 make her decision free of guilt and emotional blackmail. Its a testament to you as a person that youve chosen to consult the sangat here as it shows u truly care.

Im making the assumption that ur of similar age to the family member in question so perhaps you already understand her but part of u feels the need 2 protect her. However, emotional blackmail by her family (assuming parents) shows their image in the community is of greater importance than the hapiness of their daughter, and pardon me for perhaps being too strong with this, but that is a very 'islamic' trait that is often seen today.

As i said at the beginning, i dont think many of us are parents so we cant identify with them, but for your relation in question, knowing that some of her family are behind her will mean the world to her, and i get the feeling that you are one of those people.

Please be in touch, im curious to whether you identify/agree/disagree with what ive said.

[Anonymous_kaur]

let her do exactlii wat she wants to do !!

[AvnitK]

the thing here is that she wants to bring him closer to sikhi

but the family thinks she is going away from sikhi

the family should support her here

[Guest Guest]

thanks for the advice so far. I agree with everyone and I am supporting her but the thing is that her family will never be ok with it and I know her family is very important to her so she is waiting for them to come around but nobody if our extended family is with out turban. Her parents think is making the biggest mistake of her life and they are hurt that she is willing to choose him over her own family. Her family also thinks blinded by love and she is not the same person. So, I understand both sides but I think she is still the same and has not compromised herself. Something else that is important to mention is that her family not amritdhari but does not cut their hair so he will be the first in the entire extended family without turban. I know she shouldn't have to choose but it seems like there is no solution and i don't know what to do.

[Guest Guest]

38)Sir munae noo kanaiaa nahi daeni. Uos ghar daevni jithae Akal Purukh di sikhi ha, jo karzaai naa hovae, bhalae subhaa da hovae, bibaeki atae gyanvaan hovae

Do not given a daughter's hand to a clean shaven. Give her hand in a house where God's Sikhi exists, where the household is not in debt, is of a good nature, is disciplined and knowledgable.

How does this girl know she will bring him closer to Sikhi after marriage? What if he has a bigger influence on her after marriage and she ends up changing?

What if

what if

what if :rolleyes:

[kds1980]

Why don't the girl ask the boy to keep hair and wear turban.

Its very small thing .can't he do it for her if he really love's her.

If she marry's him without turban then situation will becoming very embarassing for her family.

The ball is in boy's court not the girl's one If he really love's her then he should start wearing turban

[Simple Singhani]

Let the girl do what she wants... theres to many divorces these days!

The family will loose the girl forever if they do not respect her decision.

[kds1980]

Let the girl do what she wants... theres to many divorces these days!

The family will loose the girl forever if they do not respect her decision.

Dear simple singhani ji

Wearing a turban and keeping kes even for g/f is very small thing .if the boy can,t do it for her

He is not even worth for marrying.You have to make so many sacrifices after marriage can't that boy make such a small one for his beloved g/f

Also the girl here is showing submissive nature she is questioning her family that they are not supporting her but she is not asking her b/f to wear turban