Help Me

[Romakaur]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh.

Dear freinds,

I need your advice. im in a very confused state of mind. please help me out.

I'm a Professional working in a good position. Mine was a love marriage to a non-sikh after my parents accepted after lots of persuasion. my hubby is a real nice guy by heart. we love each other a lot.

Its been 2 years since we got married. my family is completely into sikhi & even now i do paath & don't cut my hair as i was before marriage.

but now i feel i have betrayed Guruji by marrying someone out of sikhi. I feel very guilty for it. these days when i see others who are married to sikhs i feel what mess i have done. now i feel i want to divorce him. but what about my family who loves me so much, what explanation can i give them & the society. its not a easy life for a divorcee.

I want to come back to my sikhi..i feel bad many times in a day..when i have to do some hindu customs which i don't believe in. Now i feel im born in such a beautiful religion where male & female are regarded equal but what have i done of my life.

My husband loves me a lot..but now i think love is a temporary feeling, the ultimate truth is being in your religion but sad thing i realised it very late.

Im dying several times in a day.

Please help me out. i need your help & advice very badly.

Thanks

[xHarinder_singh]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh.

Dear freinds,

I need your advice. im in a very confused state of mind. please help me out.

I'm a Professional working in a good position. Mine was a love marriage to a non-sikh after my parents accepted after lots of persuasion. my hubby is a real nice guy by heart. we love each other a lot.

Its been 2 years since we got married. my family is completely into sikhi & even now i do paath & don't cut my hair as i was before marriage.

but now i feel i have betrayed Guruji by marrying someone out of sikhi. I feel very guilty for it. these days when i see others who are married to sikhs i feel what mess i have done. now i feel i want to divorce him. but what about my family who loves me so much, what explanation can i give them & the society. its not a easy life for a divorcee.

I want to come back to my sikhi..i feel bad many times in a day..when i have to do some hindu customs which i don't believe in. Now i feel im born in such a beautiful religion where male & female are regarded equal but what have i done of my life.

My husband loves me a lot..but now i think love is a temporary feeling, the ultimate truth is being in your religion but sad thing i realised it very late.

Im dying several times in a day.

Please help me out. i need your help & advice very badly.

Thanks

That is a very tough situation. Ur poorble karam are bringing u closer to sikhi. We have come to this world ONLY TO REUNITE WITH AKAL PURAKH. Nuthing else is of any use. Having said that u have committed urself into a marriage and marriage is not a joke. I feel the best way for u will be to ask ur husband that "if i become amritdhari and practice sikh faith completely and at the same time perform all duties of a wife, will u accept it ?" If he says no, u need to think about divorce. If he says yes, he is a very good person and u shud discuss the matter with the local sangat or the punj.

Yes, life for a divorcee is tough in punjabi culture. However, if Guru jee wills u can find an appropriate life partner, or there is nuthing wrong in staying alone as well.

This human life is precious, we wont get it again and again. Sikhi is the way to Sachkhand. Guru Nanak Dev Jee Maharaaj is the SATGURU. Dont miss this chance.

[Romakaur]

Thanks a lot for ur reply.

If im into sikhi but still married to a non-sikh, the kids born & everything else wld be non-sikhi. i don't want to change my name from Kaur. if i come out of this marriage, how can i tell this to my parents. they wld be completely shattered. im in big dilemma.

i should have thought about all this before my marriage, but its too late now. everything in love was so lovely, didn't give a thought to all this.

whenever i see my sisters children, who are in sikhi, im scared that if ever i have kids i can't keep them like that. my hubby would be okay for me but he will never accept this for kids. I just can't think of the mundan of my kids. so im not even thinking of kids now. but i don't want to live life this way.

i know i have committed a sin, but i want to clean them now.

thanks..

[xHarinder_singh]

Thanks a lot for ur reply.

If im into sikhi but still married to a non-sikh, the kids born & everything else wld be non-sikhi. i don't want to change my name from Kaur. if i come out of this marriage, how can i tell this to my parents. they wld be completely shattered. im in big dilemma.

i should have thought about all this before my marriage, but its too late now. everything in love was so lovely, didn't give a thought to all this.

whenever i see my sisters children, who are in sikhi, im scared that if ever i have kids i can't keep them like that. my hubby would be okay for me but he will never accept this for kids. I just can't think of the mundan of my kids. so im not even thinking of kids now. but i don't want to live life this way.

i know i have committed a sin, but i want to clean them now.

thanks..

As a mother u have a huge right on ur children and the religion they practice. If ur hubby will force the kids to be hindu, he is INTOLERANT. That shud give u a good enough reason for divorce.

Dear Bhainn, we all make mistakes in life. Ur poorble karam are really coming out strongly. U shud become a sikh and make ur kids sikhs AT ANY COST. If ur husband is accepting this, he is an amazing human, if he is not, well..... well all the best to him but u need to GIVE UR RELIGION FIRST PRIORITY. Everything comes second. Guru comes first.

In ur post u wrote, u are a professional... well thats a big relief. U can become financially independent. Ur parents will get convinced. Just talk about this to the sangat of a local gurdwara and request the sangat to have a talk with ur parents.

[Romakaur]

Thanks veerji for ur excellent reply.

It gave me lot of courage.

Good that Guruji has not blessed me with kids yet, i don't want them to walk on a path other than sikhi.

My Parents side family is completely into sikhi.

people in society will talk all sorts of things. im not worried abt their talks but im worried how my parents will take it. i have already hurted them, they have accepted everything for my love. now if i do this, won't i be hurting them more.

In india, children stay along with parents, if i get seperated then will my family take my responsibility not financially but still i would need their support. I can't see them listening to all sorts of talks from some foolish people of the society.

Im not bothered about remarriage or anything now. just want to be in sikh rehat & be close to guruji.

but the people around me will not allow me to live happily. in all this im just bothered about my parents & family. again i would get a bad name to them by divorcing.

sometimes i feel i should end this life by committing suicide. but i don't want to die like a coward. i can never face my guru then. this would be a sin again.

i must be frustrating you people with my problems, but i don't have anyone to talk to on this. there is no one to understand except my guru. but what shall i do.

before marriage i thought that i can live without my family, love is everything. but once i got married i came to know the real meaning & importance of parents. they are next to God. Im really lucky Guruji gave me such a loving family. Infact whatever i wanted he gave me all that. I used to pray to him day & night just to make my parents accept this alliance & i should get married to him. he even gave me that.

but i didn't realise that im asking a wrong thing to God.

now im asking him please show me the path to lead to sikhi. why did all this happen to me. i want to rewind my life by 2 years. make all my mistakes clear. but i can't do it. i have to face this.

i can't make anyone understand how i feel to be out of sikhi.im a practising sikh but dowm my heart i know that im married to a non-sikh where even i become a non-sikh. i just can't take that when some one says im not a sardarni anymore. i cry inside my heart. how can i leave my religion. i was born in the most beautiful religion of the world, but all gone in vain by my silly decisions of life.

people may think that divorcing someone for this reason is very silly, but sadh sangat ji only i know how i feel when all this happens to me. when i see how females are discriminated from males, i feel ashamed on what i did.

Thanks....

[guptveer1469]

Romakaur bhenji,

I think you should listen to Harinder Singh veerji... Hes completely right... You should make your children learn GurBani from a young age and make them good Sikhs... So they won't make the same mistake as you and many other youth do nowadays. If your husband doesn't agree with you making the children Sikhs, then indeed, as Harinder singh said, its enough to divorce him.

Good luck with what you are going to do.

And keep the sangat informed .

Satgur tuhade te kirpa kare, ate tuhadia museebatan nu hal kare.

Also bhenji, do as much paath as possible, it will surely help also.

WJKK WJKF

edit: sorry, didn't know you didn't have any children.

[xHarinder_singh]

Thanks veerji for ur excellent reply.

It gave me lot of courage.

Good that Guruji has not blessed me with kids yet, i don't want them to walk on a path other than sikhi.

My Parents side family is completely into sikhi.

people in society will talk all sorts of things. im not worried abt their talks but im worried how my parents will take it. i have already hurted them, they have accepted everything for my love. now if i do this, won't i be hurting them more.

In india, children stay along with parents, if i get seperated then will my family take my responsibility not financially but still i would need their support. I can't see them listening to all sorts of talks from some foolish people of the society.

Im not bothered about remarriage or anything now. just want to be in sikh rehat & be close to guruji.

but the people around me will not allow me to live happily. in all this im just bothered about my parents & family. again i would get a bad name to them by divorcing.

sometimes i feel i should end this life by committing suicide. but i don't want to die like a coward. i can never face my guru then. this would be a sin again.

i must be frustrating you people with my problems, but i don't have anyone to talk to on this. there is no one to understand except my guru. but what shall i do.

before marriage i thought that i can live without my family, love is everything. but once i got married i came to know the real meaning & importance of parents. they are next to God. Im really lucky Guruji gave me such a loving family. Infact whatever i wanted he gave me all that. I used to pray to him day & night just to make my parents accept this alliance & i should get married to him. he even gave me that.

but i didn't realise that im asking a wrong thing to God.

now im asking him please show me the path to lead to sikhi. why did all this happen to me. i want to rewind my life by 2 years. make all my mistakes clear. but i can't do it. i have to face this.

i can't make anyone understand how i feel to be out of sikhi.im a practising sikh but dowm my heart i know that im married to a non-sikh where even i become a non-sikh. i just can't take that when some one says im not a sardarni anymore. i cry inside my heart. how can i leave my religion. i was born in the most beautiful religion of the world, but all gone in vain by my silly decisions of life.

people may think that divorcing someone for this reason is very silly, but sadh sangat ji only i know how i feel when all this happens to me. when i see how females are discriminated from males, i feel ashamed on what i did.

Thanks....

Dear Bhainn,

I can understand ur concerns. This world is bikh, poison. U talk about people, u could have ur chachaas, masarrs, maasis talk all wrong stuff about u. Thats how this world is. People just take enjoyment out of other's miseries and pass their time. However, u should consider urself very lucky that u have realized the importance of sikhi. All this can happen with Guru Kirpa only. Dont let this oppurtinity go.

I pray u find a singh who can understand u and can marry u. Personally I feel in a gursikhi wedding, the most important thing shud be sikhi. Divorcee or not shud not be an issue.But unfortunately thats not how the society feels. Many of the present day amritdharis were clean shaven in their college days and must have done some dating or might have had relationships. In ur case it was to be marriage. But still that shud not make a difference and I hope some singh understands this and marries you for your love of sikhi.

And yes, dont consider urself lonely. Keep dropping in ur thoughts here. At the same time, start doing some paath. Gurbani is kalyan-roop and removes the obstackles in our worldly journey.

[Guest Guest]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

Romakaur ji,

You won't like what i am going to write but it's better that you know the Truth.

Being single you didn't listen to your parents or respect Sikh code of conduct, just used Manmat.

Now without consulting your husband or parents you are thinking of a Divorce which too is Manmat.

According to Gurbani -

1. Gurdev is equal to Mata-Pita (mother-father).

and after marriage,

2. Pati (husband) is equal to Parmeshar (God).

Practice in Sikh society is before marriage one must consult and obey parents, especially in important matters.

Similarly after marriage wife must consult and obey husband, especially in important matters.

Now just introspect and see what are you doing !

Always remember to be a kind HUMAN being, this is a prerequisite for a Gursikh.

Please learn to live in God's will, for inspiration kindly read

http://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Bibi_Rajni

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

[xHarinder_singh]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

Romakaur ji,

You won't like what i am going to write but it's better that you know the Truth.

Being single you didn't listen to your parents or respect Sikh code of conduct, just used Manmat.

Now without consulting your husband or parents you are thinking of a Divorce which too is Manmat.

According to Gurbani -

1. Gurdev is equal to Mata-Pita (mother-father).

and after marriage,

2. Pati (husband) is equal to Parmeshar (God).

Practice in Sikh society is before marriage one must consult and obey parents, especially in important matters.

Similarly after marriage wife must consult and obey husband, especially in important matters.

Now just introspect and see what are you doing !

Always remember to be a kind HUMAN being, this is a prerequisite for a Gursikh.

Please learn to live in God's will, for inspiration kindly read

http://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Bibi_Rajni

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

Dont try to teach this crap here. For a sikhi girl, her Guru is her Husband, her Guru is her mother-father. At the same time, a sikh shud shud respect and most importantly take care of his parents in their old age. A sikh is also supposed to be completely loyal to his/her spouse.

RomaKaur Bhainn shud be an INSPIRATION for the sikh girls. She is giving her faith the first priority. She is giving her Guru first priority. She just made a mistake as a younster and married a person of other faith. But is she the only one ? Large number of people studying in colleges do sinful things like dating sleeping around, have relationships and HIDE all that stuff. Many of the amrithdari bibis who look really innocent from their face do disgraceful things and get pattitt, dont have much anakh and moral character.

Roma Kaur Bhainn is much much better than all such people. She fell in love with somebody as a teenager and was loyal enough to marry him. Now she has matured and has realized the importance of sikhi and she has every right to come back to sikhi and make her kids sikh. As a panth, we shud be giving her full support...

[Romakaur]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

waheguru ji ki Fateh.

As I mentioned earlier i have done some mistakes in life which can never be forgiven as I have married a non-sikh. but i have always respected my parents. I love them more than anyone else in this world. Today im most bothered about them only if i divorce my hubby how would they take it.

I can't consult my hubby for this coz i don't have issues from his side. why will he leave his religion for me, as i won't do it for him.

Now i realise all this. which is too late.

Gloomy days of love were completely different. I don't know why I have made this out of my life.

I feel hatred on myself, when i think what all crap why i have done. i don't understand how many things are running in my mind.

As the Guest have told, there will be many people who will blame me,but truly speaking Im the one who needs to be blamed.

I can tell u all one thing, The life which im living these days, is no less than a punishment. i was the princess in my guru's eyes but now my surname would be changed, that means im no more my guru's princess.

i need courage now to talk to my hubby & my parents.

i need guru kripa to make them understand. I know people would laugh at me, as I have no marital problems but thinking of seperation but now i feel these all are temporal relations. the true & only relation is the relation between my soul & the guru.

I have to take a decision in life now. i would be doing that now. In few days i will talk to all of them.

I got a lot of courage by posting my problem here.

Thanks a lot to all of you.

It's like my Guru is showing me the path in this way.

Thank you once again.