I Find Myself Questioning My Actions And Wanting Guru, But Not Being Strong Enough To Seek

[Guest rsn03]

Hi,

I'm 20 years old, living in the suburbs of a big city. My family is pretty religious and very cultural, but we follow liberally. All my life i wanted to be like my older role models (brothers/cousins). Go out, party, drink, be cool, have girls. Slowly everything i wanted in those terms has been coming. Messing around with girls, having a lot of friends, going to random places to party. Now that i have what i wanted, i know if i continue, this happiness won't last. It's not the type of happiness that i want. I know the only happiness that will satisfy is that which comes from having the love of guru.

I realize i'm being selfish, immature, and stupid, but the problem is i don't know how to stop. I don't know how i can get motivated enough to stop. In the back of my mind i know i'm thinking, "its ok, mess around now, when its time to become a man, u'll become a man." but i know thats wrong. I'm sorry my thoughts might be a little confusing, but thats exactly what i am...confused.

i know i shouldnt be treating women like i do, i know i shouldnt smoke weed ocassionaly, i know i shouldnt drink alcohol. it makes me disgusted. especially the smoking part. the first time i smoked was about 5 months ago, when i moved into an apt from my roommates from school. they smoke a lot, and i smoke sometimes, but i hate it. i can't even make myself stop something which i've hated my whole life.

how can i fix a problem, that a large part of me doesn't want to fix? i know i'm better than this...which brings up another point...i cant seem to swallow my pride. sometimes i feel so full of myself, its crazy. most of time i joke around while being cocky with my friends, but still.

ahhh, im just frustrated.

i dont even know where to turn for advice. my brother was like me too, he stopped all his bad deeds for almost more than a year. he did simran everyday, studied gurbani, and started helping a lot in the community. although he still does a lot of community work, he's back into partying.

i feel like deleting this whole thing because i feel like no one can help me out, but i have hope that i can find the strength to one day leave all this <banned word filter activated> behind and live like i'm suppose to.

[Billo G]

Hi,

I am new to this forum and yours was the first one that I read.

umm.... I can understand your problem as I am in the same situation. I would suggest to you to write down why you do what you do? what are you getting from it all? what do you want to gain from your life?

you say how can i fix a problem, that a large part of me doesn't want to fix?

from what I am reading it doesnt seem like you are happy how you are living. You need to change your lifestyle.

Take little baby steps.... attend the gurdwara, do sewa, sit and listen to the prayers..

and you can party without having to drink. you can have fun without having to mess around with girls. having fun is NOT all about getting drunk and messing around with girls and what else?

I am in a similiar situation to you and I have chosen to set things right for myself because I dont like how everything is going for me at the moment. I am starting to get into the routine of doing voluntary work within the UK. This is something you can consider for starters.

I would like to give you more help on your situation but so far , this is all I can think of.

Please let me know IF any of it was of any use. or any thing else you want to know ?

And just remember that it is never too late to change and become a better person. You are realising that whatever you are doing and living is not right, so that IS a start .

You have realised.. so the next step is to put that realisation into action. If that makes sense.. lol

Hope this helps

Regards,

Billo G :D

[SunSingh]

I was in a very similar situation for quite a long time before I came into Sikh dharm. It's all about your sangat. Whoever you hang around with, the pressure to become like them is enormous. Even if you are mentally very strong, their ways will inevitably influence you to become more like them. Even if they don't outwardly pressure you and even if they encourage you, the subtle pressure to be like them remains, at least it did with me until I stopped hanging out with my old friends. So you must find new sangat, find those who live the Guru's way of life. There are youth programs at various Gurdwaras / Gurmat preaching centers. IF you go regularly, you may meet some youth your age. There are also occasional Gurmat camps, I recommend you go to those to find new sangat. But for now, if you know no proper Sikhs, your sangat is the congregation at the Gurdwara sahib, it can be reading stories about the Gurus, sants, and purataan Singhs, and of course Gurbani. Doing seva at the Gurdwara and trying to attach your mind to Gurbani is a big help in strengthening the character and helped me a ton when I was in your situation.

[SHOGUN ASSASON]

You sound like me when I was 16, im 26 now and I have made same seriously bad mistakes in this last ten years, its easy to follow your mind and be envious of other people and think when you have to you will change but its not. Its a spiral and it only goes downwards, I would seriously suggest you dont look at other ppl and think you want to be like them. But be grateful that you are different. when i get time i will respond in more detail.

[AmarjitKaur]

I may be wrong (correctu me if I am), most of you above posters seem from UK. That kind of tells me that majority in UK is not guided properly in their young age. Lot of kids are being ignored by their own parents (while they are busy earning pounds and attending parties, visiting india again and agian for shopping, Atleast thats the part I know about vailatiye, sorry about generalizing, if you don't see truth in my statement, it may not be applying on you).

I am sure it has been discussed before at different forums, but the youth that got ignored by their parents, need to stand up themselves and do efforts to bring yourself and others closer to your SIKH values. There is lot of suffering in life until you find the direction in life. Getting to know about kurbanis that our sikh Gurus and other sikhi related sidkee singh made should show the youth path/direction in life. Life is a shaking boat, filled with ups and downs all the way through, we need to learn how to keep ourselves stable throught this shaking.

As above posters said, (after reading OP's problem, before I read the responses, I was thinking SANGAT, SANGAT), you need to change the sangat man. Volunteer at Gurughar. Become a assistant teacher for some punjabi/sikh history etc teacher. Do dishwashing sewa, Start reading Guru Granth Sahib jee from beginning and learn meaning.