Relationship Before Marriage

[Guest preet]

I took amrit 2 years ago,, a year after taking amrit i got into a relationship with another amritdhaari, we have no physical contact n i feel no kaam towards him, is this still a bad thing. we bin together over a year now n really want to get married in the future. i was very close to his mother but when he told his mother that we wanted to get married she started to hate me and said we could never get married. its been a year and she wont change her mind, i kno she wont ever. what do i do?

[Guest errr]

Why do people think this is a marriage/relationship counseling forum? :S

[.- Prabhjot Singh -.]

Because veerji/phenji, these issues are important for grihast jeevan. Its better to talk about them rather than making any foolish decisions. As long as everything is discussed decently and in light of gurmat, dont think there's anything wrong with it.

[Guest Guest]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

Preet ji,

You must understand that following Gurmat is in a Sikh's best interest.

i.e no relationship before marriage.

You see the trouble with love-affairs is, they usually don't get approval from both set of parents.

This ensures that both girl as well as the boy will develop emotional problems sooner or later.

Moreso they leave a bad mark on a person's psche.

So please save yourself from the ordeal and don't ruin your or parents reputation by such involvement.

END IT !

Tell an elder sibling, cousin or grandma that you want to get married.

They inturn can influence your parents to find you a suitable husband & in-laws quickly.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

[Guest older singh]

if your both amritdhari and put Maharaj first in you lives, then go for it.

theres nothing wrong in love, make sure that you do not do anything that you must not till your married

you and your man need to put it firmly to your parents. if the singh will tell his mother then she will change her mind, even if it takes time. but if he isnt doing anything to help, then maybe he isnt sure, what about his dad, does he agree?

sometimes it takes parents time to realise, they have always thought that they would choose your spouse, but that cannot always be the case, karam and destiny and the world's play are not limited to our parents decisions, its simply wrong to enforce this rule, as there is no way to ensure happiness, whether its arranged or love.

sometimes the path is written for you and that wont change, if you know someone well and know them inside out then thats probably the best person to marry as you will know if your suitable. so you need to work with time to convince the mother, do ardas to Maharaj, your nitnem, amritela and rehit is important, dont let it falter.

its important that you seek the blessings of your parents and respect the reasons for their worry, but some parents (seems like his mom too) will not want to give in, but whatever happens, you too should go for it. I hope you it works for you. I really really do.

Good luck dear sister

ive written this from my experience and this is entirely my view as an amritdhari.....i think that if i was talking to youngsters and teenagers, then i would not encourage them to seek their partner or enter a relationship, however if your already in a relationship and obviously if your old enough to get married lol then theres a difference. I think alot of the kids on this forum will tell you love is against sikhi......... you be the judge of that

[AmarjitKaur]

It becomes hard to comment on some situations, without knowing the persons involved personally and the whole situation. But I would comment in general.

I think rather than you, it should be boy's job to go talk to his mother. You are not part of their family yet, so you shouldn't interfere. If boy feels as strongly about you, as you do for him, then he is the one who should talk to his parents. Its same like if your mother didnt' agree then it was going to be you talking to your mother not him entering into your house and trying to convince your mother that I am the right son-in-law for you.

The only thing you can do is to stop it from lingering, you can set a timeline to make the boy get in high gear to talk about it (I would only suggest that if you are done with your bachelors studies and at the age of marrying. if you are below 22 or so, no need to rush, we do get impatient at times, please don't).

The reason to have boy acted is that you don't wanna see your life waiting for him to talk to his mother for ever. If its not going to work out, you need to move on.

As I said above, if you are right age and you both are mature enough to have a married life start for you and he is strong enough to go talk to his mother, then yes, set some time limit and pray to babaji to guide you better.

But if you are both like in 1st 2nd year of your school, then you rather pay attention to your studies at the moment and put this thought of marriage on hold for few years. Let life unfold itself. Yes, you can stay as friends with the boy, but as you didn't go close before physically, keep that distance until you have a spouse which could be eventually him or could be someone else. let time tell to you.

[TuhiNirankar]

Arrange marriage isnt very popular in our generation meaning even amritdharis but it does still happen kinda mix, u get arranged by family/friends and tlak to eachother then say yes type of thing,, when u go behind ur parents and start these relations it ends up being a mess sumtimes, its a huge issue these days thats why the gupt section is full of this stuff, its way to easy these dayz to get in a realtionship,

I see sumone at the gurdwara next day they add me on facebook and we start talking and slowly slowly get closer:

The 9 steps that our mind takes when committing an immoral deed:

1) Looking at someone of the opposite sex and having dirty thoughts.

2) Listening upon dirty conversations.

3) Remembering this person’s face.

4) Praising that individual’s appearance to others.

5) In your mind thinking endlessly about this individual.

6) Privately thinking dirty thoughts of this individual.

7) Making plans on how to achieve goal to get closer to this individual.

8) Carrying out actions which assist in accomplishing goal.

9) Achieving the goal.

(The above information was taken from Sri Sukhmani Sahib Steek www.gursevak.com DDT,Bhai Jaswant Singh(Bhagat ji) and translated into english.)

If u guys want to get married there is nothing that his parents or ur parents can do basically, theyre are just mad and not happy with u,

We are no longer scared of our parents, we are beysharm we do w/e we want, we date while being amritdhari and do physical stuff, and then oops i found out hes from a different caste so my parents said no, then u have to marry sumone one else, basically life is full of pain, we dont surrender anything, we do manmat all day long-- what do i want? what do i want? what makes me happy?, houmai houmai houmai

Im not bashing the original Poster at all please dont be offended im just a bit negative bout amritdhari dating so im bashing it as a whole

The Thing is You guys have been together for a year and u get along and have a good understanding of eachother,,,,,,,, just talk to ur parents and be humble dont yell, stay quiet if they yell at u then try to talk to ur mom at ur level privately, ur dad could be more garm

[.- Prabhjot Singh -.]

I guess TuhiNirankar jee has nicely summed it up. Hopefully the OP has got her answers by now, closing the thread.