Being An Amritdhari

[Guest Guest]

hello,

In my family my dad is the only man who is an amritdhari. Before that, his father was very fond to sikhism. He was so fond that he never cared about his family. Unfortunately, the history is repeating. He became an amritdhari last year. However, in my family my mom's side, my sister and I are completly different. We eat meat, we go out and do fun things get hair cuts. Everytime we go out to shop which is rarely cause my dad doesnt care bout social life, however he would completly cut us out and doesnt care what we buy or what we do. My mom is so upset that she cries every night. i mean mi mom doest talk to him for months and my dad doesnt do anything about. Like he is living in his own world. It is so bad that he barely knew what grade i was going into. He never cared about anything we did. Few days ago my dad and mi mom got in an argeument. MI mom tried to explain him about his attitude and how he completly cut us out like we dont mean anythin except for doin Path everyday n doin to work. u WONT BELIEVE WAT HE SAID HE TOLD US TO TEACH HIM HOW TO BE FUN N HOW TO BE FATHER. he has bin a father or bout 16 years. Since we were a little kids we never got many toys that normal kids would get or brag about the things we had. but he never say that. Now in grew up I see my mother cry because truely mi mom is the only 1 who cares trust me. He neva bought the FEWTHINGS WE WANT. And if mi little sister asks him why dont u buy us things than he would be like i pay for the house we live in and the bills. ALso on mi sister's nirthday we decided to go out and he got a call from works asking him to come over if he is available, you wont beleive he asked mi mom if he could go to work and cancel out the paln for mi sister's b-dayy. ever since than I hated him.

Anyways this situation is endless. If i wrote down the things it would like ten pages.

All i want to ask is amritdhari are pure of heart. they are as sweet as sugar can be. But than can u explain why mi dad isnt like them? he only cares bout himself and nothin else! But if I am rong PLEASE tell me cause i dont want too commit a sin. Cause people say not to say bad things to an amritdhari or mi sin will find me. Please truely answer mi question I cant see mi mom crying anymore or mi sister.

[Bundha]

Bhaji/benji,

Just because someone shacks amrit does not make them sweet a honey. Amrit is only the beginning the journey really has only started, the body of work still

has to be done.

Amritdharies like most groups have a broad spectrum of people, some sweet as honey some not so.

From your post and reading between the lines I looks to me like your Father needs all the support and encouragement your family can give him.

Some people have issues and they cannot talk to anyone about them, some find it very difficult to socialise and talk and relate to people, even to

their own nearest and dearest.

<<<< WONT BELIEVE WAT HE SAID HE TOLD US TO TEACH HIM HOW TO BE FUN N HOW TO BE FATHER >>>>

When he says this it seems to me to be a hearfelt cry for help and he probably found it very hard to say that , so rather then step back in amazment

you should all try to support him, help him, include him in your conversations. Rather then hate him try to get on with him.

Noeone is saying it is going to be easy but be open to him say you want to have a relationship with your father and can he meet you half way.

a father sometimes feels he has a role of keeping a roof over the families head and paying the bills - this is very important to him as he sees this

as his role as the provider- he may never have learnt to have fun with his kids, maybe his father was the same with hime and he knows no different.

you all need to support each other, he has looked after you and worked to keep the roof over your heads, so now try to support and be inclusive.

[Guest passer_by]

..maybe hes upset at all the things ur doing.. if he's amritdhari, then it must be bothering him that his own daughters and wife eat meat and cut there hair. Im not trying to defend ur father or say wht he's doing is right or wrong but perhaps he feels like he's already lost you? When i was little i had the exact opposite situation... u guys got ur freedom to do what u like but for me i never had tht freedom i was forced to keep my hair and not eat meat and i hated him for that but now i c what he did was right because now i finally understand what my hair means to me and that never would have happened if i had cut my hair at a young age (dont get me wrong im still angry with my father for other things he's done). But perhaps ur father feels like ur the ones who dont care because u dont c life in his way. He seems like a person who would rather live a simple, quite life with his family but it hurts him to c his women and girls chasing maya?? I mean tht life seems fun and interesting to u and u feel like what ur doing is right, but it doesnt mean he feels the same way about it. I know im still young but ive seen fathers who dont care what there daughters do ( cut there hair, go out, etc.) but ive also seen fathers that cry because they feel like there little girls r becoming emm how do i put this.. "party girls"... so perhaps ur fathers feels tht way after see'ing u like tht. Im not guna pretend i understand ur situation but i just wanted to try and give u another view on it... i cud be wrong so i'll apologize in advance

[AmarjitKaur]

The solution is simple. Get connected to sikhi yourself.

I see him as being disappointed in you guys.

The bad part is that being father he can control what you guys do. But he is choosing to just not bother with it and make his own manukha janam safla by reciting banis (I amnot saying if it will happen as haumai nave naal virodh hai..... ego and naam dont stay under the same roof, just incase he is guilty of that and even if he does naam jap, it won't get him anywhere).

But my suggestion would be to fill in the gap you guys have. Recite bani yourself. Leave the unsikhi things you do as you mentioned. Go to gurudwara regularly. Kirat karo, naam japo and vand chhuko. This will benefit you thrice. One it will bring you closer to your dad. Secondly, it will bring you closer to Guru sahib and thirdly, it will connect you to yourself. and even forth, that you will find peace in general in your daily life.

The solution is simple. Get connected to sikhi yourself.

I see him as being disappointed in you guys.

The bad part is that being father he can control what you guys do. But he is choosing to just not bother with it and make his own manukha janam safla by reciting banis (I amnot saying if it will happen as haumai nave naal virodh hai..... ego and naam dont stay under the same roof, just incase he is guilty of that and even if he does naam jap, it won't get him anywhere).

But my suggestion would be to fill in the gap you guys have. Recite bani yourself. Leave the unsikhi things you do as you mentioned. Go to gurudwara regularly. Kirat karo, naam japo and vand chhuko. This will benefit you thrice. One it will bring you closer to your dad. Secondly, it will bring you closer to Guru sahib and thirdly, it will connect you to yourself. and even forth, that you will find peace in general in your daily life.