Lack Of Proper Sikhs

[Guest $ingh$]

So I am 25, working in a nice job as a doctor hopefully I will be a surgeon. I am a proper sikh. I keep all my hair and live and think like a sikh even though I do not wear kirpan, actually most people think I am amritdhari and even when I correct them they still think I am amritdhari as they feel I have all the right qualities just the lack of kirpan.

I have never thought about settling down until recently when I began to realise I cannot find anyone to match me. There is a huge lack of sikhs at my level and I really want to marry someone like me who is academically intelligent, who has never cut their hair, who thinks and interprets things like me, someone who is basically confident in being Sikh and not keeping kesh to only please parents but actually because they believe in it.

I never thought about it before but it dawned on me that even when I was at university there were no proper sikhs. Sure there were 'sikhs' but none of them were proper kesh keeping sikhs. I actually would go as far as saying in my whole life I have never met a proper sikh who keeps their kesh and is academically bright.

Its quite a gloomy thought for me as it makes me think its impossible for me to find a suitable person just based on these 2 criteria. Sure I have met some bright sikh people but they don't keep all their kesh and I feel I cannot compromise on the hair issue because when I have children I want my kids to have a role model , someone they can look up to and say if my parents did it then so can I..

Before anyone says it - my parents cannot help me in finding a bright proper sikh as being first generation to England, they don't have that many connections with sikh families like one would if they had been living in an area for many generations...so basically I am in a pickle.....

My plan is to forget about it for a while until I am 28 when work at registrar level will allow me to time to commit to marriage but even then I have this thought that when I am 28 I still will face the same awkward situation where I cannot find the one. I was wondering how other sikhs looking for proper kesh sikh partners have found this....if people could share some of their experiences.

Speaking to other people I do think this is a topic which affects lots of young sikhs but due to the marriage nature it is not talked about openly, however the issue is very real..

I would appreciate some mature replies from those who are in similar situation and those who have gone throught it to the other side. Thanks

[Guest _singh wannabee_]

hi

im a current fy2 doctor. There were quite a few singhs at my medical school (birmingham). Although i myself havent been blessed with the strength to follow sikhi properly yet, i am a mona, i have a strong interest in sikhi over the past few years. Infact, i am not allowing my parents to introduce me to girls because i just dont want to end up being married to a non religious girl and find myself trapped and prevented from advancing in sikhi. anyways

on my course there was an amritdhari sikh. Also i know of an amritdhari sikh whos very very religious currently studying medicine at kings college in his final year. Im aware that the head of cardiology at guys,kings and thomas hospital in london is an amritdhari sikh. Also there is amritdhari gastroenterologist at good hope hospital in birmingham. Ive met a singh plastic surgeon before. There are plenty of amritdhari sikh doctors, it is just a matter of finding them. As a medical student i once met an amritdhari bibi wearing a keski, although i havent met many amritdhari sikh bibis, im sure there must be some.

hope this has helped reassure you somewhat???

[Guest sikh]

hi

im a current fy2 doctor. There were quite a few singhs at my medical school (birmingham). Although i myself havent been blessed with the strength to follow sikhi properly yet, i am a mona, i have a strong interest in sikhi over the past few years. Infact, i am not allowing my parents to introduce me to girls because i just dont want to end up being married to a non religious girl and find myself trapped and prevented from advancing in sikhi. anyways

on my course there was an amritdhari sikh. Also i know of an amritdhari sikh whos very very religious currently studying medicine at kings college in his final year. Im aware that the head of cardiology at guys,kings and thomas hospital in london is an amritdhari sikh. Also there is amritdhari gastroenterologist at good hope hospital in birmingham. Ive met a singh plastic surgeon before. There are plenty of amritdhari sikh doctors, it is just a matter of finding them. As a medical student i once met an amritdhari bibi wearing a keski, although i havent met many amritdhari sikh bibis, im sure there must be some.

hope this has helped reassure you somewhat???

Keeping hair is obligatory for an amritdhari-

I do not keep kes but follow satguru nanak dev ji, his teachings and try to jaap naam constantly with love. I consider myself a true sikh and am working towards become a saint- I drink naam amrit every day and love the guru with all my heart.

But alot of amritdharis would be skeptical about marrying me. I work day and night to become pure but still I would not be good enough. But its okay.

Good luck to the poster finding a wife, there are plenty of amritdhari women out there worthy of a good husband but also a few true sikh women out there who cuut their hair but are true gurmukhs and love and are loved by the Guru.

[Guest Mature Guy]

So I am 25, working in a nice job as a doctor hopefully I will be a surgeon. I am a proper sikh. I keep all my hair and live and think like a sikh even though I do not wear kirpan, actually most people think I am amritdhari and even when I correct them they still think I am amritdhari as they feel I have all the right qualities just the lack of kirpan.

I have never thought about settling down until recently when I began to realise I cannot find anyone to match me. There is a huge lack of sikhs at my level and I really want to marry someone like me who is academically intelligent, who has never cut their hair, who thinks and interprets things like me, someone who is basically confident in being Sikh and not keeping kesh to only please parents but actually because they believe in it.

I never thought about it before but it dawned on me that even when I was at university there were no proper sikhs. Sure there were 'sikhs' but none of them were proper kesh keeping sikhs. I actually would go as far as saying in my whole life I have never met a proper sikh who keeps their kesh and is academically bright.

Its quite a gloomy thought for me as it makes me think its impossible for me to find a suitable person just based on these 2 criteria. Sure I have met some bright sikh people but they don't keep all their kesh and I feel I cannot compromise on the hair issue because when I have children I want my kids to have a role model , someone they can look up to and say if my parents did it then so can I..

Before anyone says it - my parents cannot help me in finding a bright proper sikh as being first generation to England, they don't have that many connections with sikh families like one would if they had been living in an area for many generations...so basically I am in a pickle.....

My plan is to forget about it for a while until I am 28 when work at registrar level will allow me to time to commit to marriage but even then I have this thought that when I am 28 I still will face the same awkward situation where I cannot find the one. I was wondering how other sikhs looking for proper kesh sikh partners have found this....if people could share some of their experiences.

Speaking to other people I do think this is a topic which affects lots of young sikhs but due to the marriage nature it is not talked about openly, however the issue is very real..

I would appreciate some mature replies from those who are in similar situation and those who have gone throught it to the other side. Thanks

Singh ji,

Your apprehensions are very true.

"It is always lonely at the top"

More you rise, less would be your compatibility with others.

Therefore it is advisable to look and book now rather than later.

In reality, many would be interested because of your profession.

But as your are based in U.K, caste-financial background-not being amritdhari can create hurdles in finding a suitable match.

Thing is religious girls too are inviting but at the end of the day they get married only according to parents.

So there is very little chance of finding genuinely religious girl interested in marriage without getting parents involved.

[Tera]

Keeping hair is obligatory for an amritdhari-

I do not keep kes but follow satguru nanak dev ji, his teachings and try to jaap naam constantly with love. I consider myself a true sikh and am working towards become a saint- I drink naam amrit every day and love the guru with all my heart.

But alot of amritdharis would be skeptical about marrying me. I work day and night to become pure but still I would not be good enough. But its okay.

Good luck to the poster finding a wife, there are plenty of amritdhari women out there worthy of a good husband but also a few true sikh women out there who cuut their hair but are true gurmukhs and love and are loved by the Guru.

"Rehat Pyaree Mujh Ko, Sikh Pyara Nahee"

Sri Guru Gobind Singh Jee

A very plain and simple bachan by Dasven Paatshah Sri Guru Gobind Singh Jee - something to think about...

[AmarjitKaur]

sorry to spoil you guys dream. But I couldn't stop.

First of all, why I smell ego (statement saying "I am a proper sikh"). I can't say that about myself.

I measure myself daily according to Gurbani and fail each and every moment.

And my comparison is not my fellow sikhs who are themselves trying to walk on the path of Guru Nanak Dev sahib jee and now according to the light of Him in Sri Guru Granth Sahib jee. My measurement is against what Guru Sahib says in SGGSji. and of course I fail. But koshish jaari hai with God's grace, may be one day.

Please look into the definition of who is proper SIKH. You might wanna read about jeevan of Baba Deep Singh jee, Bhai Mani Singh jee, Bhai mati Das jee, Bhai diyala jee, and from latelst century, Bhagat Pooran Singh jee from Pingalvara and countless more.

In my eyes, you fail right there, when you say I am not amritdhar. WHY NOT?? Whats stopping you from taking that Guru's blessings whom you love so much. and you didn't even mention you wanna be.

I am married, but suppose I was not, and I came in touch with you somehow and I asked you a question, if you wanted to take Khande dee pahul and you answered "NO". You were going to be rejected by me right there. No matter you are would-be-surgeon or a doctor or lawyer or a big business man. You can't follow what Guru demands, and then you can't be a suitable partner for me.

But let me remind you, I am married and to a amritdhari. We both might not be best sikhs or proper sikhs according to your definition of proper sikh, but We are committed to Guru and given our heads to Guru and Guru comes first before any worldly knowledge or experience or gain.

Through your post, I smelled ego through each word. ego of you being better and none else to compare to you.

WHY compare with others?? There are very proper sikhs even in this century around you, but you are looking at wrong people to compare yourself with.

[Guest _meh_]

sorry to spoil you guys dream. But I couldn't stop.

First of all, why I smell ego (statement saying "I am a proper sikh"). I can't say that about myself.

I measure myself daily according to Gurbani and fail each and every moment.

And my comparison is not my fellow sikhs who are themselves trying to walk on the path of Guru Nanak Dev sahib jee and now according to the light of Him in Sri Guru Granth Sahib jee. My measurement is against what Guru Sahib says in SGGSji. and of course I fail. But koshish jaari hai with God's grace, may be one day.

Please look into the definition of who is proper SIKH. You might wanna read about jeevan of Baba Deep Singh jee, Bhai Mani Singh jee, Bhai mati Das jee, Bhai diyala jee, and from latelst century, Bhagat Pooran Singh jee from Pingalvara and countless more.

In my eyes, you fail right there, when you say I am not amritdhar. WHY NOT?? Whats stopping you from taking that Guru's blessings whom you love so much. and you didn't even mention you wanna be.

I am married, but suppose I was not, and I came in touch with you somehow and I asked you a question, if you wanted to take Khande dee pahul and you answered "NO". You were going to be rejected by me right there. No matter you are would-be-surgeon or a doctor or lawyer or a big business man. You can't follow what Guru demands, and then you can't be a suitable partner for me.

But let me remind you, I am married and to a amritdhari. We both might not be best sikhs or proper sikhs according to your definition of proper sikh, but We are committed to Guru and given our heads to Guru and Guru comes first before any worldly knowledge or experience or gain.

Through your post, I smelled ego through each word. ego of you being better and none else to compare to you.

WHY compare with others?? There are very proper sikhs even in this century around you, but you are looking at wrong people to compare yourself with.

Thank you for the wonderful 100% egofree post :cool:

[AmarjitKaur]

First of all, I was using myself as an example only, the bad type of example. was trying to tell you that I am no proper Sikh and I don't personally think one can say that I am proper sikh.

secondly, i have a request to make. Next time, you have Darshan of Guru Sahib (Ist jot), could you please ask Guru Sahib this "Guru Sahib, is there any difference between you or other 9 Gurus who came after you, and how about Guru Gobind Singh jee. And Should I listen to your teachings of Naam Japna, kirat karni and vand Chhakna, meditating on Naam etc. or should I follow 10th Guru Sahib as well who said Singh sajo, panj kakkar de dharni baNo, panj piyariyaan ton khande dee pahul chhukko, te ATLEAST panj baniya da nitnem karo."

And if Guru Sahib said, NO, forget Guru Gobind Singh jee, just stay the way you are and focus on yourself and your meditation and being good person only. If Guru Sahib said, Bani is important, but Bana is not. Come back here and Tell me honestly.

But if Guru Sahib said "NO, follow what Guru Gobind Singh gave to his sikhs as well as he is the same light that has been passed on to 10th Guru, then you don't have to come here and tell me, but please do listen to Guru Sahib in your dreams and follow. Do not pick and choose what fits into your life style and what not.

And how lowly I could be that I never had Darshan of Guru Sahib and how fortunate you are that you have had darshan of Guru Sahib.

[Guest sikh]

First of all, I was using myself as an example only, the bad type of example. was trying to tell you that I am no proper Sikh and I don't personally think one can say that I am proper sikh.

secondly, i have a request to make. Next time, you have Darshan of Guru Sahib (Ist jot), could you please ask Guru Sahib this "Guru Sahib, is there any difference between you or other 9 Gurus who came after you, and how about Guru Gobind Singh jee. And Should I listen to your teachings of Naam Japna, kirat karni and vand Chhakna, meditating on Naam etc. or should I follow 10th Guru Sahib as well who said Singh sajo, panj kakkar de dharni baNo, panj piyariyaan ton khande dee pahul chhukko, te ATLEAST panj baniya da nitnem karo."

And if Guru Sahib said, NO, forget Guru Gobind Singh jee, just stay the way you are and focus on yourself and your meditation and being good person only. If Guru Sahib said, Bani is important, but Bana is not. Come back here and Tell me honestly.

But if Guru Sahib said "NO, follow what Guru Gobind Singh gave to his sikhs as well as he is the same light that has been passed on to 10th Guru, then you don't have to come here and tell me, but please do listen to Guru Sahib in your dreams and follow. Do not pick and choose what fits into your life style and what not.

And how lowly I could be that I never had Darshan of Guru Sahib and how fortunate you are that you have had darshan of Guru Sahib.

Do not tell me what to do, I don't get my instructions from you, you have zero rights to instruct a single other human being until you reach status of a saint which u and I have clearly not.

You still fail to acknowledge the fact that you also have ego, we all do, only our gurus and saints are exempt. You speak like a true hypocrite. I have read gurbani thoroughly follow SGGSJis instructions and rehat as given in SGGSJi. I never stated you are lowly, you sound extremely immature when you say that and should think more carefully how you put your words in the future.

You are impure as am I so please do not attempt to instruct a single other human being until you have gone all teh way amnd achieved status of a saint.

Good day.

[Guest sikh]

P.s Naam Jaapna is different for everyone. I try to Jaap Naam with love, our gurus ask us to love god and state that the only way to find him is through love. I was not making up y own method.