Losing Interest In Family Life

[chupchapiti]

Vaheguru ji ka Khalsa Vaheguru ji ki Fateh

Just thought to share something with the sangat & perhaps get some feedback in the form of advice or comments. Not too long ago, daas was very into family life - participated in family events, and was enthusiastic about family gatherings as well. (daas has a very large family here). It was before daas had gotten into Sikhi. For past few months, daas got more interested in Sikhi, and started practicing it to the best she could. As she started getting more closer to Gurujii, started losing interest in family life. Now its common for daas to forget a close cousin's birthday or not be there to attend family events just because she couldn't miss a sikhi event. It has been happening for over a year now. Daas personally feels the family is also getting used to be without her or not to expect her on any occassion. Recently from about 4-5 months, daas has stopped eating restaurant food & prefers to eat home-made food, just because daas felt outside food really affects your spirituality & also, if she is planning to take amrit soon so it would be a good thing to start now. Now, she doesn't eat out with the family, always say "NO" when they ask. They seem to accept & understand her this practice but questions why she couldn't be considerate for them!!!? Many gursikhs have told daas that its natural to feel like this . Like not having any interest in anything formal or anything that is not related to Sikhi. If anyone of you have any stories to share or have any examples, suggestions, anything that daas can explain to her family or to help me accept what she is currently going through, it would be greatly appreciated.

[Mehtab Singh]

You don't need to explain anything to anyone. Sometimes family members don't understand. Just make sure you are not giving across a wrong message that you are becoming a religious fanatic and consider them inferior. Nimarta is the core of GurSikhi, and so no matter what, always practice humility. Family members are the hardest to convince, so don't waste time and energy trying to convince them about anything. However, do talk to them about how you are feeling and that you find Sikhi as a blessing, that the norms of society don't appeal to you anymore, but always remember and I repeat, pass a wrong message that you are becoming a religious fanatic and consider them inferior. If they understand, they will be proud of you. If not, then don't worry and carry on. Main thing is NOT to look back. This could be Vaheguroo jee testing your sidak, as to how pakkee you are. Telling them stories, giving examples and suggestions is a good idea, but it may not always work. They will always see you as their daughter and will always feel they know more/better. At the end of the day, leave it to Gurujee and He will take care of you. Once you take Amrit, you are totally His responsibility and you got nothing at all to worry about.

ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਅਲਿਪਤੁ ਰਹੈ ਸੰਸਾਰੇ ॥

The Gurmukhs remain unaffected in the midst of the world.

ਗੁਰ ਕੈ ਤਕੀਐ ਨਾਮਿ ਅਧਾਰੇ ॥

The Guru is their cushion, and the Naam, the Name of the Lord, is their Support.

ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਜੋਰੁ ਕਰੇ ਕਿਆ ਤਿਸ ਨੋ ਆਪੇ ਖਪਿ ਦੁਖੁ ਪਾਵਣਿਆ ॥੩॥

Who can oppress the Gurmukh? One who tries shall perish, writhing in pain. ||3||

ਮਨ ਰੇ ਸਮਝੁ ਕਵਨ ਮਤਿ ਲਾਗਾ ॥

O mind, you must realize what your intellect is focused on.

ਨਾਮੁ ਵਿਸਾਰਿ ਅਨ ਰਸ ਲੋਭਾਨੇ ਫਿਰਿ ਪਛੁਤਾਹਿ ਅਭਾਗਾ ॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

Forgetting the Naam, the Name of the Lord, one is involved with other tastes; the unfortunate wretch shall come to regret it in the end. ||Pause||

ਆਵਤ ਕਉ ਹਰਖ ਜਾਤ ਕਉ ਰੋਵਹਿ ਇਹੁ ਦੁਖੁ ਸੁਖੁ ਨਾਲੇ ਲਾਗਾ ॥

When things come, he is pleased, but when they go, he weeps and wails; this pain and pleasure remains attached to him.

ਆਪੇ ਦੁਖ ਸੁਖ ਭੋਗਿ ਭੋਗਾਵੈ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਸੋ ਅਨਰਾਗਾ ॥੨॥

The Lord Himself causes him to enjoy pleasure and endure pain; the Gurmukh, however, remains unaffected. ||2||

ਸੰਜੋਗੁ ਵਿਜੋਗੁ ਮੇਰੈ ਪ੍ਰਭਿ ਕੀਏ ॥

Union and separation were created by my God.

ਸ੍ਰਿਸਟਿ ਉਪਾਇ ਦੁਖਾ ਸੁਖ ਦੀਏ ॥

Creating the Universe, He gave it pain and pleasure.

ਦੁਖ ਸੁਖ ਹੀ ਤੇ ਭਏ ਨਿਰਾਲੇ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਸੀਲੁ ਸਨਾਹਾ ਹੇ ॥੮॥

The Gurmukhs remain unaffected by pain and pleasure; they wear the armor of humility. ||8||

Nothing happens overnight. Sometimes parents freak out when they see their kids going on the path towards spirituality. It takes a while for them to get used to it and accept you. But deep down they are glad they you didn't choose a wrong path. So give yourself time to grow and develop on this path of GurSikhi you've embarked upon. Give them time to realize what you feel and time to accept you. And finally, give them a chance to be proud of you.

[Bundha]

Benji,

When you start to travel on Guru Ji's path then 'Sansaar' starts to look false, because really it is. Those things that we used to hold so dear, like cousins birthdays, or celebrations to parties to get togethers with lots of gossiping all start to look 'fickay' and false. This is good. It means that slowly those attachments to this false world that everyone holds so dear are loosening. the more you go towards Guru the more this will happen.

Now, this does not mean that you forget about your family obligations to your husband/children mother/father these are important because these are gifts given to you by the grace of God, and 'grist' jeevan has been given to us by Guru Ji so we must no neglect our duties. But other aspects - eating out, partying, gossiping etc etc naturally will fall by the wayside as you go more towards your Guru.

[Guest Guest]

Vaheguru ji ka Khalsa Vaheguru ji ki Fateh

Just thought to share something with the sangat & perhaps get some feedback in the form of advice or comments. Not too long ago, daas was very into family life - participated in family events, and was enthusiastic about family gatherings as well. (daas has a very large family here). It was before daas had gotten into Sikhi. For past few months, daas got more interested in Sikhi, and started practicing it to the best she could. As she started getting more closer to Gurujii, started losing interest in family life. Now its common for daas to forget a close cousin's birthday or not be there to attend family events just because she couldn't miss a sikhi event. It has been happening for over a year now. Daas personally feels the family is also getting used to be without her or not to expect her on any occassion. Recently from about 4-5 months, daas has stopped eating restaurant food & prefers to eat home-made food, just because daas felt outside food really affects your spirituality & also, if she is planning to take amrit soon so it would be a good thing to start now. Now, she doesn't eat out with the family, always say "NO" when they ask. They seem to accept & understand her this practice but questions why she couldn't be considerate for them!!!? Many gursikhs have told daas that its natural to feel like this . Like not having any interest in anything formal or anything that is not related to Sikhi. If anyone of you have any stories to share or have any examples, suggestions, anything that daas can explain to her family or to help me accept what she is currently going through, it would be greatly appreciated.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

From what i gather, you need company of like minded people.

Will suggest that you make new Gursikh friends (girls only) preferable your age group.

You can do so at Khalsabook.

In addition join a Sikhi camp, you missed out on http://kaursunited.org/camp2010

Being a girl, MUST understand that once you get married priorities change.

Husband, in-laws will matter more than parents and relatives.

So it's best to groom yourself for future Gursikh Jeevan !

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

[AvnitK]

Nothing happens overnight. Sometimes parents freak out when they see their kids going on the path towards spirituality. It takes a while for them to get used to it and accept you. But deep down they are glad they you didn't choose a wrong path. So give yourself time to grow and develop on this path of GurSikhi you've embarked upon. Give them time to realize what you feel and time to accept you. And finally, give them a chance to be proud of you.

I agree with methab bhaaji

they will get used to it so dont worry

[Guest gupt]

WAHEGURU JI KA KHALSA!WAHEGURU JI KI FATEH!

Same thing happen to me also bhenji i don't like attending collage functions, going out etc.

Even when my friends talk about movies and if some listen to songs then i don't like at all.

All the time i wanna hear GURBANI i can't hear anything else.

But sometimes to do my duty i have to go to collage functions........e.g. if some teacher give me the responsibility of managing something etc. Also sometimes my friends irritates me by forcing me alot to go to collage functions.

On friendship day my friends forced me to go to movie but i said no then they also had canceled there plan this thing irritates me but now they are becoming use to but sometimes they still force me to go out e.g. to celebrate friends birthday etc.

Also my parents says me that u r living in society so u have to become part of it they say me that 1 day u will do job or business and u will meet different kinds of peoples there,they will gossip with u about every topic party,movie,gk etc so u have to be all rounder.But i always feel that gossiping, listening song is time waste.I also feel rather than going to parties spend that time in sikhi.

So i am doing ardaas to GURU ji "hope in future i will get a good GURSIKH group with whom i can only talk about GURU ji and try to improve the condition of poors and become too serious in carrier.

Here everything is important......when i feel that i am surrounded by only GURMUKH with whom i work, i eat, i talk so i feel very good

So if u have GURSIKH friends then its really very good..............about family u don't need to worry because they will slowly understand u'r behavior e.g. b4 when my family goes to watch movie they always force me to go with them they say all rounder rehana chahida etc etc but now whenever they go they never even ask me because they know i will not go. so they are use to with my nature now.

But always remember one thing as we are in grist jivan we can't ignore out duties but also we should not do that thing which will take our-self far from GURU JI.

ALWAYS BE GURMUKH AND DO U'R DUTIES. KARAM KARO, NAAM JAPO, VANDA CHAKO.

DON'T BE LAZY AND IGNORE U'R DUTIES.

Even u know my parents are saying me ki amrit ni chakana aje, keski ni sajana asi society vicha rehanda hai sanu society da naal chalana pada da hai.............

They say wait until to get married and then do what u'r husband says u to do.Par dear in this my parents are wrong because our husband is lord and we should do what looks beautiful in lord's eye and not in our wordly husband eye. I have said to my parents once i will got job i will take amrit and wear keski ode baad jisnu marriage karna hai oh karega.

Slowly they are accepting me they say me acha after job amrit chaka lena par keski mat sajana.......But slowly they will accept me.......i will definately take amrit and wear keski as girls hair's too should always be covered..................So like this i am finding my way of how to be GURMUKH and do my duty.Once i get job my parents will not worry much about my marriage because i will be independent and then i can do what GURU ji says us to do...also after that i will always try to be in touch with only GURMUKH so that in future no will force me to attend party and listen to songs.......i can only do ardaas and do karam to make it true rest is in the hand of GURU ji.

Bhenji when u will take amrit also wear keski and learn gatka.Don't worry about u'r family they will understand u and get use to of u'r nature. Just try to choose good GURSIKH group with whom u can work and chant god name.Also choose a nice husband who is also close to GURU ji so that he will always encourage u of what u'r doing and will not discourage u...........

WATCH THIS VIDEOS and encourage peoples like u who want to go in sikhi event so that what impact the media is leaving and due to which more peoples are attracting towards parties and all and going far from sikhi will be decreased and then no one will try to disturb us from attending sikhi events etc because then GURMUKH will be in large number. But respect every religion and never leave our religion always remember our 9th GURU JI GURU TEG BAHADUR JI had given head for protecting hindu's......SIKHI IS UNIQUE.......PROUD TO BE SIKH

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6AbrPybdVU&feature=player_embedded

[Guest gupt]

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0lxqP-b7i4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgH9BMmQtyo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgH9BMmQtyo

[Guest HELEN]

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[Guest Sat]

To the original poster- We came alone and we'll leave alone. Its only us and Him- because we Are Him and He is Us.

Family attachment is maya, people are just false images- this is just a khel- we could die tomorrow, be hit by a car as we step out of our house in the morning, so we should live each day here like its our last- die while still alive and realise the truth of this khel.

It is just a Game to realise truth. This is by no means our final destination- the 10 Gurus are not living an earth janam- and yet are still spiritually aware- practicing Truth each moment.

They are examples of the Truth being the only thing that is with us eternally- everything else is illusion and is transient.

Die in Truth and you will achieve perfection.