I'M Lost, Regretfull And Ashamed

[Guest Perry Singh]

I’m lost

Im 27 and male. I don’t know where im going I have no direction and don’t know what to do. From my age you would presume that I have got a degree or had many jobs by now. Even a career. But because of my mental issues and social phobias. I haven’t got any qualification or never had a job.

I have been ashamed all my life of the condition that destroyed every part of my life. from my education to firendships to just about everything imaginable. everything good was sucked out because of my condion. it crippled me. And I couldnt do anything to stop it. it was like a disease that wouldnt go away and just kept on destroying every part of my life.

Before you judge me and think im lazy or un ambitious or whatever it is you think of me. Firs I must make clear. That I wanted to get a high standard of education. I was very ambitious. I wanted to become a high lawer.

But because of my mental state of mind and my social phobia. I just could not face or mix with people. I wanted more then anything to become successful like most Sikhs who get degrees and become professionals. I knew this was the right path for me.

But unfortunately for me. My psychological problems meant that I could not go university or college because of my social phobia and have been WI drawn all my life. I couldnt even go school.

Now I look back on my life and think what a waste and am ashamed of myself for becoming a failure.

I don’t want to beat around the bust. I just want to say it as it is. If it wasn’t for my social phobia. Im pretty certain I would be a full professional by now.

Im just lost and ashamed of myself. I have no qualifications, no prospects. I feel bad when I see friends of mine from high school who are now doctors and lawyers. While I cant even leave my house because of the social phobias. I just feel like what was I supposed to do. I knew it was right to go college and uni and get the qualifications. But the phobia was just to strong and I wasn’t able to do it.

I sometimes wish I was dead because im ashamed of myself especially as A Sikh as we are know to be hard workers. But my phobia just turned me in to a loser. I wasted so many years just doing nothing and achieving nothing.

But in the last year after praying to Waheguru. My phobia has been mysteriously been cured over night.

Now I have no problem mixing with people I thank waheguru for this. But I just wish I could have been cured all those years ago. Then I wouldn’t be in the mess I am in today. I DON’T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED FOR YEARS I SUFFERED IN SILENCE. I WAS AFRAIN PETRIFIED TO BE IN LARGE GATHERINGS. BUT AFTER PRAYING AND LISTING TO KIRTAN. ALL THE FEAR DISAPEARED. THE PHOBIA DISSAPEARED INSTANTLY.

I WAS DOING THINGS I WOULD NEVER DREAM OF DOING.

[buddasingh]

Thanks for sharing and giving strength to others. Be aware that there are doctors and lawyers and wealthy, seemingly successful people amongst Sikhs that are insecure and weak with very questionable business practices. Some of them are leaders who we look up to.

So don't be regretful. Instead be thankful...and always remember to be honest, kind, brave, and answerable to yourself and waheguroo over your public image.

[Guest Guest]

Thanks. well yeh there are people like that. but i rspect people who have worked hard. everyone close to me does nto realise why i failed so badly in life. they mostly think its because i didnt try or because i was lazy.

they didnt know I had a social phobia that prevented me from going to uni or college ect. it severley affected my life. I just wish that i was cured earliearand my life would have turned out alot different. now i just dont know what to do career wise. as i havent got any qualifications.

I dont want to do some dead end job for rest of my life.

[VanHelsingh]

Its never too late to make something of yourself. Forget the timescales imposed on us, i.e. by this age you should have done this, and by that age you should have done that. It's not a perfect world so lets not stick to these man-made yardsticks of achievement. Its a particular problem in our culture and its something I completely understand.

Instead of regrets or self-pity, strive to want to turn things around from this period forward. Because if you keep saying "I could have been this" for the rest of your life, you'll get nowhere. I understand about Panjabi culture and how we have certain ages whereby things need to be ticked off, but that's irrelevant for you.

If you ARE determined to make a go of your life, then DO it. You're still relatively young - if you work exceptionally hard and have the drive and fire to succeed, nothing will stop you. Don't keep banging the drum about "oh its too late. Everyone else is at 'this' certain stage of their life". Who cares? What has anyone done for you? Go out and do it yourself.

Also, speaking from experience, try praying to Waheguru if you are that way inclined. Don't do it cynically, but do it with pyaar and genuine humility. Ask Him to give you peace and a place at His feet. Don't do it because you want something - do it because you need Him in your life. You want your mind calm and you want your heart to stop thrashing around like a fish without water - well, Naam (in my opinion) is the best way to soothe the soul.

Forgive me if I've been harsh but I'm speaking from experience. Trust me - I've got it 100x worse than you, my friend. Its not a competition - just the facts. :waheguru:

[Balait_da_Sher]

You will find that a lot of multi millionaires, billionaires don't have any degrees and dropped out of uni. I see a lot of people running corner shops which make double the amount of money which I make.

When you have nothing, you actually have everything at your disposal, you can try anything and everything to find out what you want to do. Most of us are now just stuck in the jobs which our education has brought us to.

[Guest Guest]

Winston Churchill once said, "Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. The courage to continue is what counts." And he was right. It's not the size of the man, or who he surrounds himself with. It's not the things he has or has not done that make him who he is. It's what lies in a man that makes him who he is, and what he does with what is in him.

We all have two personalities. Two personas that live inside of us each day and struggle to be the one that comes out into the world each and every moment of our lives. The one personality that lies inside of us is the person we could be if we really chose to be. The positive side of us that creates amazing things in the world. That dances to the beat of their own drum. The side of us that knows what it wants, and chases what it wants with all that it is. The personality in us that has passion, and drive, and won't give up no matter what the cost or what the obstacle in front may be. The part of us that loves, and cares, and wants to help other people in any way possible. The side of us that knows what beauty in the world is, and what peace and happiness are all about.

The other side is the negative side. The slob that does nothing with his life. The part of us that wear tattered clothing, and only wishes for more in the world. The person who stares at others wishing they would do more for him. The part of our personality that never took the time to grow and develop and accomplish more with it's life. The side of us that gets to it's death bed, and has a box full of wishes that were never fulfilled, and dreams that never stood a chance. The part of us that could come out and be us, if we open up and refuse to move forward. The side that will win, if we don't have the courage to continue.

We all have the side of us who has the choice of success or failure. It makes no difference if success is final, or if failure is fatal. What matters is your ability, your willingness to keep going no matter what. To get back up when you are knocked down time and time again. To choose the positive side of you that knows the taste of failure, and the sweet smell of success. The side of you that knows what it is like to dream, and to chase a dream with so much passion that it burns when you slow down. Choose the side of you that knows what happiness and peace are, and that is willing to find it no matter how much you must change. The side that will realize a life full of prosperity and accomplishment no matter what personal demons you have to over come. The side of you, that no matter where the path may lead, decides to pave it's own path on the journey of life.

[Guest perry singh]

Thanks for all replies. everyone one of them was helful in their own ways.

I feel alot better after reading these posts about my situation. I think I will now stop thinking about the past. And concentrate on the future.

I just feel that after being out of work for so long. I lack motivation and confidence to get back in the work force.

[mundasingh123]

Thanks for all replies. everyone one of them was helful in their own ways.

I feel alot better after reading these posts about my situation. I think I will now stop thinking about the past. And concentrate on the future.

I just feel that after being out of work for so long. I lack motivation and confidence to get back in the work force.

What i did to handle my schizophrenia was think of action everytime i felt there was something that was trying to divert me from my path .

[Kharkooartsy]

lot of people go back to college and start all over again in their late 30s or even 40s you are fine.. just be determined..love who you are i had epilepsy when i was younger it was embarassing sometimes i would stop responding to people and the worse part was that they didnt know i was having epilepsy episode....i used to hallucinate when i was really young hallucinations got better.. i used to get anxious sitting in class..start feeling someone elses presence in the room or that someone is calling for me..feelings that are hard to describe but were terrible.

i was just always so lost didnt know what was going on i almost failed my 8th grade but i got better in highschool i started concentrating on who i am as a person starting setting higher goals i went from being a failure to a 4.0 student.. i am not perfect but what i am is guru jis kirpa. he took me out of hell...same way he takes us all out of hell

you and i and many other people that didnt have sucha happy childhood or went through other traumas.. have experience that is supposed to help us in the future.. take them as lessons to help you fight for a better future.

you just have to make an effort.. do ardaas do good things. although there are many mistakes i still make i sometimes feel ashamed of things i have done or the things that are wrong but i keep doing them but i try to remember that we have to keep trying to overcome the negitivity in life. after changing my attitude i felt better inside and when i went for a checkup docs said that my epilepsy was in control i quit my medication in 9th grade and never felt that i needed to take it again..

dont let things hold you back.. believe in yourself nomatter what you do, you deserve the best so strive for the best. do paath.. know gurujees with you nomatter where you are!!

[Satveer Singh]

Sat Sri Akal

VeerJi, each breath that was spent in the past will never come back again. But the only thing worse than those precious breaths being wasted is spending these breaths that you have now in regret and shame about those that you've already spent in the past.

Do not waste anymore time, this time you have now is precious as it is priceless. Don't let your focus dwell in the past, when you focus on the immense potential you still have, your regret and shame will transform into strength, motivation, gratitude.

And if you find you have lost all hope, if you are lying helpless devoid of strength ... Fold your hands in Ardaas, picture Shaheed Baba Deep Singh drawing that line infront of you in the sand and saying: "Jau Tau prem khelan ka chau Sir dhar tali gali meri ao", and don't hesitate, don't ever give up, even if your head is on your palm. It's Never too late ... Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Your time is now pyaare Veer.

May the Kind Satguru illuminate your path.

Bhul chuk maaf.

Waheguru Waheuguru