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84Singhni

Caste Problem In Love Marriage

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Guest 84Singhni

Just remember one thing both of u should have to marry with each other and no one else as u to both had committed a sin now u can't marry anyone else.......so do ardaas for forgiveness and for u'r marriage. Educate his family and if they don't agree say u'r boyfriend that not being a coward we should marry with each other <edited: lets not give the wrong advice>...........

BEST OF LUCK!

thanks for the reply.

yes i am trying to tell him that we have to. but he doesnt understnd! :(

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Guest 84Singhni

If the lad is amritdhari, then he should be with you 100%, as he obviously wanted to marry you because he bedded you.

Would he tolerate someone sleeping with his sister then discarding her because someone's parents said 'NO'?

thank you for the reply.

the boy isnt amritdhari. he is rehat dhari.

yes he is serious in getting married to me. but he doesnt know what to do with his amritdhari mom's "NO!"

that is a very good point.

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Guest 84Singhni

No, they shouldn't run away and get married. Parents are much more important because they have done so much for us. I'm sure their parents would allow them to get married anyway if they found out they slept with each other. If they still don't accept the marriage after fighting for it, then they just have to accept it.

we can't run away.

yes i know they are and thats why we aint doing that.

the boy doesnt know how to.

accept what? that my mom & dad will get me married to a next man which wants SEX?

NO, im not going to do that! NEVER!

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Guest 84Singhni

^^^Choosing your parents is putting them before god. If your parents cannot accept on the grounds of caste then they are not on gods side (the side of Truth which is Him.)

Every single thing that happens to us has a reason. There is no such thing as coincidence, he watches us always. It seems he wants you to speak the truth now, educating confused and prejudiced souls is the least you can do as seva now after engaging in relations before marriage.

thanks for the reply.

yes i know. that why we didnt think before of having sex.

his mom is amritdhari & doesnt accept that vow. (what can i do?)

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firstly thanks for your reply.

sorry i dont know the meaning of bujjar kurehit.

no im not a amritdhari im a rehat dhari and where a patka.

his mom is amritdhari & he isnt yet amritdhari. he is rehat dhari like me.

A Bujjar Kurehat is the 5 sins in sikhi in which a sikh should never commit. Adultery is the one that the people were refering to.

The 5 Bujjar Kurehatan are:

-Adultery

-Consuming alcohol

-Kesan Dey Beadbi, disrespect to our hair (inevitably meaning cutting it, and in the eyes of more stricter rehitvaan sikhs doing anything disrespectful to you hair cutting, getting highlights, dying, etc..)

-Consuming meat

-Taking intoxicants

Bul Chuk Maaf

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Guest sikh

Then they are also putting their emotional attachment and kaam before God if they choose to run away. They need to fight for the marriage but if their parents still don't accept it, then they would have to accept it too. They wouldn't be going against God if they listen to their parents because they still wouldn't believe in caste. It's a bigger sin to betray your parents and to hurt them. It's not their parents fault, its theirs for even having a bf/gf relationship before marriage which is against gurmat.

And you truly believe that the Lord wouldn't put them in a position such as this to have his Gyan spread, seeing as it's kalyug and all. There is hukam in everything, there is a reason for everything, if the two were to look within and see that the hukam was for them to take this opportunity to do gods seva and educate their families on nirvair and exalt Truth would that not be amazing?

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And you truly believe that the Lord wouldn't put them in a position such as this to have his Gyan spread, seeing as it's kalyug and all. There is hukam in everything, there is a reason for everything, if the two were to look within and see that the hukam was for them to take this opportunity to do gods seva and educate their families on nirvair and exalt Truth would that not be amazing?

and when they found out they where going around having premarital sex think about ow much of an impact it would be to their parents. think about the mentality of punjabi parents. not trying to be rude but punjabi parents arent easily educated. for instance in their situation, how are you to educate families about sikhi when you comitted a bujjar kurehat.

not trying to criticize but this is how most people react when you try to "educate" them.

Only thing i can say is: Naam Japlo, Bani Parlo, and do Ardaas that this lust doesnt effect you and look deeeeeep inside of yourself to see if this guy is really worth it.

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WJKK WJKF......

hmmmmm....you may not like what im about to say here because you so badly want it to work with this guy. But having spoken to many bibiah in similar situations and also personal experiences before dass was blessed with amrit......heres my 2 cents......

Attraction and love are two very different things, lust and love are two very different things and it seems you have confused what it is you feel. When you love someone and something or have a feeling of love, lust, sex, attraction do not come into the equation. If you truly loved this person, sex would be the last thing on both of your minds because the bond of love is God itself and is felt and experienced on a spiritual level.

What you are feeling is now desperation, anguish and dispair because, you have slept with someone, now you feel obliged to marry them for that reason alone. thoughts are going through your head such as "how will i marry someone else because im am no longer a virgin, and anyone else will find out on my wedding night." "my parents will hate me and marry me off to some stranger blah blah blah" i hope you understand where im going with this.

Also you call yourself and your partner rehat-dharis and you wear a patka, thats fantastic but what concerns me is that you dont even know what the bujjar kurihets where yet you claim to be "into sikhi" before i contine please let me apologize for the harsh words but im just trying to highlight what exactly the problem is here..........

you are no different to any other girl out there, sikhi or not because, you met someone, became overwhelmed, got attracted to them, allowed yourself to consent to having sex with them and then when the happy ending is not coming your way.....you panic.......it happens every day, to a lot of women. a womans vitue, no matter how much we regret and repent afterwards, once lost, is not retrievable......

You need to seriously think about your future with this man.....

what do you want?

do you want to progress in sikhi together?

what about when you both go on to have children?

what moral values and teachings will you be passing onto them?

are you going to be hypocrits and teach them something, set it in stone, knowing full well you, yourselves didnt follow it yourselves,

If your partner is hesitating now? where were his parents when he decided to have sex with you? can you depend on this person for the rest of your life?

you need to do some serious growing up from now onwards and think how best to move forward.......

please forgive anything that may sound offensive, ive just heard this story so many times and when these questions are raised, girls dont realy seem to know what to say.....but to move forward in a postive light and learn valuable lessons means facing some harsh realities and truths about ourselves.....again i can say this from my own experience and im a paapi as it is....

bhul chuck maafi

WJKK WJKF

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Guest guest5

WJKK WJKF......

hmmmmm....you may not like what im about to say here because you so badly want it to work with this guy. But having spoken to many bibiah in similar situations and also personal experiences before dass was blessed with amrit......heres my 2 cents......

Attraction and love are two very different things, lust and love are two very different things and it seems you have confused what it is you feel. When you love someone and something or have a feeling of love, lust, sex, attraction do not come into the equation. If you truly loved this person, sex would be the last thing on both of your minds because the bond of love is God itself and is felt and experienced on a spiritual level.

What you are feeling is now desperation, anguish and dispair because, you have slept with someone, now you feel obliged to marry them for that reason alone. thoughts are going through your head such as "how will i marry someone else because im am no longer a virgin, and anyone else will find out on my wedding night." "my parents will hate me and marry me off to some stranger blah blah blah" i hope you understand where im going with this.

Also you call yourself and your partner rehat-dharis and you wear a patka, thats fantastic but what concerns me is that you dont even know what the bujjar kurihets where yet you claim to be "into sikhi" before i contine please let me apologize for the harsh words but im just trying to highlight what exactly the problem is here..........

you are no different to any other girl out there, sikhi or not because, you met someone, became overwhelmed, got attracted to them, allowed yourself to consent to having sex with them and then when the happy ending is not coming your way.....you panic.......it happens every day, to a lot of women. a womans vitue, no matter how much we regret and repent afterwards, once lost, is not retrievable......

You need to seriously think about your future with this man.....

what do you want?

do you want to progress in sikhi together?

what about when you both go on to have children?

what moral values and teachings will you be passing onto them?

are you going to be hypocrits and teach them something, set it in stone, knowing full well you, yourselves didnt follow it yourselves,

If your partner is hesitating now? where were his parents when he decided to have sex with you? can you depend on this person for the rest of your life?

you need to do some serious growing up from now onwards and think how best to move forward.......

please forgive anything that may sound offensive, ive just heard this story so many times and when these questions are raised, girls dont realy seem to know what to say.....but to move forward in a postive light and learn valuable lessons means facing some harsh realities and truths about ourselves.....again i can say this from my own experience and im a paapi as it is....

bhul chuck maafi

WJKK WJKF

Hit the nail on the head.

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Wjkk Wjkf Ji.

Thanks For All Your Reply's.

The boy isn't really thinking to go against his parents & doesn't want his parents to know that he has sex.

So, we are going to wait for 4 years until he thinks his parents are going to agree.

I don't know what to do anymore. CRASHED down I have.

Want this to work so badly!

I am keeping Maharaj Ji's faith in my heart.

Sachaa Paatshaa!

Wjkk Wjkf Ji.

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Guest arps

hey girl ask your man what he wants..whats in his heart...put him in a do or die situation..whther he'll fight for or sacrifice his love..tell him not to give any diplomatic answer...and if he chooses to fight then go for it..we all are always wit u..n if its the opposite please break up..think its not the end and its a new begning..but if you love eachother please dont let eachother go..its about next 40-50years you are gonna spend with eachother...

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Guest stratford

the first person you ever have sex with will have a special relationship which will be with you for the whole of your life, this is why it is very important to wait until marriage. the energies of those two ppl merge and the effect lasts on the women more than the man,this is why it is so special.

personally I would suggest to you, if it is possible then you two should get married and live together, work on your sikhi, as you have given him your virginity and you two have a special bond.

however if he is not supportive or caring towards you then dont marry him, you may have made a mistake but doesnt mean you have to suffer,

go before the panj pyare regardless, try to talk to your parents, it is better if you two get married, i would have suggested this is you hadnt made 'love'

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Woah what you done! This is bad omg I have never known anyone who has had intercourse before marriage you lost your purity as a Sikh woman bad times. Having a relationship with a guy before marriage is bad enough but going the full way your only option is to marry him but if the guys family don't want you to marry him if they know as well you have done it then you lost. Il tell you that that guy didn't love you as what Sikh guy would have sex with a Sikh girl before marriage he should think if he had a sister and someone did that to her I guess he would like it. I'm sorry you are in such a situation I hope waheguru gives strenght to humanity on these type of issues

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Guest Guest

Woah what you done! This is bad omg I have never known anyone who has had intercourse before marriage you lost your purity as a Sikh woman bad times.

Did you not know the majority of Amritdharis in western countries now have girlfriends, boyfriends and love marriages?

Relationships and premarital sex are not only common for Amritdharis now, but even getting pregnant and having abortions are too.

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