Caste Problem In Love Marriage

[VanHelsingh]

Did you not know the majority of Amritdharis in western countries now have girlfriends, boyfriends and love marriages?

Relationships and premarital sex are not only common for Amritdharis now, but even getting pregnant and having abortions are too.

What the...? Fair enough I appreciate amritdharis enter into pre-marital relationships (its not right and completely against the rules for people who've taken amrit, but who am I to judge?), but pregnancies and abortions? You surely must be having a laugh? Say it ain't so!

[m4ndy]

Are you serious? What are people doing??

[Guest Anonymous]

Hello

I just wanted to add my two cents here, if this post is still being read by the person who started it. First of all, although many people are telling you on here that sex before marriage is wrong according to Sikhism, one good thing you have done which I commend you for is being truthful and honest with yourself and God. My belief is that (and I think this coincides with what the Guru Granth teaches, although I have not read all of it) God loves us all in a way we cannot comprehend - unconditionally. We are human beings - we make mistakes, we "sin" - that doesn't mean that our entire lives and being are determined by one action or one decision we have made in our lives. I think from a Sikh religious perspective, people on here will tell you yes, sex before marriage is wrong. However, please do not take this to mean that you are a bad person, or that you are an immoral woman. God still loves you. A step in the right direction is thinking about your actions and discussing religion the way you are, and contemplating what's right and wrong. Then, you can find the truth in your life yourself.

The second issue here is your boyfriend, who is a Sikh but not of the same caste as you. Also, from a religious perspective this is one of the most important things about Sikhism. Tolerance of other religions, the acknowledgement of many paths to God, that we are all equal under God - man and woman, all castes, creeds, races, religions, cultures, etc. Never confuse religion with culture. Right now, Sikhism is still (and has been) one of the newest religions in the world. Many Sikhs (the great majority) are still Punjabis. Many Punjabis unfortunately follow these traditions and this caste system even though religiously it should never be the case that ANY Sikh frown upon relations with another Sikh especially in this way.

It is a shame that some parents think the way they do (including mine). It is hard enough especially in the Western world depending on where you live - to find another Sikh man. Then when you do, or if you do, if he's of another caste, they think they are within their rights to reject him. In TRUTH - they are not within their rights. Your boyfriend is a Sikh man - and the gurus and God would be on your side - you love him and you are doing nothing wrong. Castes should not exist for a Sikh. Neither should a racist attitude, or unequal treatment for women. Seeking the truth as a Sikh (woman or man) means turning to your faith and what you believe God would want for you, and fight for it. You're in the right here. Your parents are not - simple as that. It's unfortunate - I have seen many Sikh women (educated, born and raised in the west) look far and wide for a Sikh man to keep their parents happy. Some, when finally finding one, had to endure heartache because he was a different caste and the parents would not accept it. Are they being good Sikhs when they put their daughters/sons through this? No, they aren't. Not only that, they are not acting like Sikhs at all when they even believe in the caste system.

What is right is clear here. You are doing nothing wrong by loving this man. I personally do not even believe that as a Sikh loving a man of a different religion is wrong either. We are meant to tolerate and love all religions, period. I feel that many do not understand this, and unfortunately since the beginning of time many people have used religion and twisted its teachings and used it to push their own political views or agendas to gain control over people, or to oppress people. Find the truth by praying and maybe read some of the Guru Granth for strength - you will see it mentioned numerous times that God is One, and that under God we are all equal. I believe this to be the truth. You would be teaching your parents something if you talked to them honestly about your situation. If they choose not to agree, it is their loss that they could not see the truth. Just because someone is older than us, or our parents, or holds some status in our personal life, it does not indicate that they are any closer to God than you are, or a better Sikh. You will find many people you come across in your life that live double lives or a false live - and worst of all, try to use their religion and twist it and actually go against it and try to teach their children that this is what Sikhism is.

The way you can be truthful and faithful to God is just by always being honest to yourself and others. If you feel you are doing the right thing - and in this case (your case) loving a Sikh man who is of a different caste should never, ever have been, is not, and never should be an issue, because there is nothing wrong about it.

I hope you find the strength to stand up for what is right. God will support you should you choose to do that.

Best of luck.

[Guest partnerships_innit]

What the...? Fair enough I appreciate amritdharis enter into pre-marital relationships (its not right and completely against the rules for people who've taken amrit, but who am I to judge?), but pregnancies and abortions? You surely must be having a laugh? Say it ain't so!

sexual relation is a natural part of being in ANY type of partnership. Its sexual instinct that leads to a partnership. TO not have sex is going against nature, and therefore these people should just have anand karaj first, but obviously coconut confused logic prevails!

[Guest Sunny]

I'm not much experienced in this matter, i'm just 18 but what i truly feel from within my heart is that whether you had sex or not, if you love someone and want to marry him/her then do it. Choosing between parents and love is very tough because parents have cared for you since your childhood. Keeping them happy is important but don't compromise your own happiness for it. You're not being selfish it's your right to love whoever you want. Love has more hits than fear.

[Guest hahaha]

get a grip. you knew it was wrong in the first place, now deal with the consequences.

The ONLY love you should have is for Guru Ji.

[DalbirSingh]

Hope you lot wore a condom or took the pill, next thing you want is a baby and not being married. Everyone always say they didn't intend to that is bs, it takes 2 to tango. Well if your parents didn't matter when you got jiggy why do they matter now? Forget what they say they must be living in the old days. The thing with all these questions like caste was mainly to do with the economic thing and shame was a big thing about it, hence why most of us were forst to migrate due to economic problems. Just marry him, the question you should be asking is how can you convince your parents for their blessing and the thing is, it is your life, you are grown up made a choice, the question can be reversed if they want a part in your future or not.

sexual relation is a natural part of being in ANY type of partnership. Its sexual instinct that leads to a partnership. TO not have sex is going against nature, and therefore these people should just have anand karaj first, but obviously coconut confused logic prevails!

Mate you can have a relationship without sex.

[DalbirSingh]

Woah what you done! This is bad omg I have never known anyone who has had intercourse before marriage you lost your purity as a Sikh woman bad times. Having a relationship with a guy before marriage is bad enough but going the full way your only option is to marry him but if the guys family don't want you to marry him if they know as well you have done it then you lost. Il tell you that that guy didn't love you as what Sikh guy would have sex with a Sikh girl before marriage he should think if he had a sister and someone did that to her I guess he would like it. I'm sorry you are in such a situation I hope waheguru gives strenght to humanity on these type of issues

Sex implies consented rape is unconsented she said sex not rape, so she allowed it to happen to her, so we move on from that past and advise the future for her. As long as the guy didn't have sti it's okayish. Depends on your age if your asking for marriage assuming it is right and you want to marry it's up to you. Loads of Sikh guys do sleep with girls.

[Guest Hmmm]

Hi just wanted to know what's happened between you two as I'm in a similar position and its been 2 years his family has known about me and him and still won't accept it

[kullykhalsa]

This is a joke thread, some of the insanse logic used here is laughable

Yes one action does not define your life, there are loads of brlliant singhs/singhnia who have come into sikhi frm a bad place!

Secondly your parents DO matter if you know that they have a caste problem why put your family through that....hint the answer is selfishness! Like they say probably your kids will do this to you why cant they marry a hindu/muslim etc

Thirdly, yes i agree sexual attraction is needed for a relationship but you dont need to have sex as a lot of the time its just kaam! Sounds like a lot of the posters in this thread are quite young and must watch a lot of bollywood!