Kaami Thoughts

[Guest Dirty paapi]

There have already probably been various posts on this.

But I need some serious advice. Please don't judge me.

I am a amrithdaree person. Most days I'm ok. No kaam thoughts what so ever, just when I think I'm doing ok, I think about kaami thoughts and want to m******te really bad. I have fantasies about sex. I don't m******te often. I have cut down but when I do get attacked by kaam I fantasise about sex alot. I'm not married. But at marriageable age. I wouldn't want to get married just to have sex. I want to be able to control my self. If I can't now it will be worse when im married.

Only mature people advise please or married couples.

Sorry if I offended anybody.

[HDSH]

iblwvlu ]

bilaaval ||

Bilaaval:

rwiK lyhu hm qy ibgrI ]

raakh laehu ham thae bigaree ||

Save me! I have disobeyed You.

sIlu Drmu jpu Bgiq n kInI hau AiBmwn tyF pgrI ]1] rhwau ]

seel dhharam jap bhagath n keenee ho abhimaan ttaedt pagaree ||1|| rehaao ||

I have not practiced humility, righteousness or devotional worship; I am proud and egotistical, and I have taken a crooked path. ||1||Pause||

Amr jwin sMcI ieh kwieAw ieh imiQAw kwcI ggrI ]

amar jaan sa(n)chee eih kaaeiaa eih mithhiaa kaachee gagaree ||

Believing this body to be immortal, I pampered it, but it is a fragile and perishable vessel.

ijnih invwij swij hm kIey iqsih ibswir Avr lgrI ]1]

jinehi nivaaj saaj ham keeeae thisehi bisaar avar lagaree ||1||

Forgetting the Lord who formed, fashioned and embellished me, I have become attached to another. ||1||

sMiDk qoih swD nhI khIAau srin pry qumrI pgrI ]

sa(n)dhhik thohi saadhh nehee keheeao saran parae thumaree pagaree ||

I am Your thief; I cannot be called holy. I have fallen at Your feet, seeking Your Sanctuary.

kih kbIr ieh ibnqI sunIAhu mq Gwlhu jm kI KbrI ]2]6]

kehi kabeer eih binathee suneeahu math ghaalahu jam kee khabaree ||2||6||

Says Kabeer, please listen to this prayer of mine, O Lord; please do not send me sommons of the Messenger of Death. ||2||6||

[jhooldenishan]

There have already probably been various posts on this.

But I need some serious advice. Please don't judge me.

I am a amrithdaree person. Most days I'm ok. No kaam thoughts what so ever, just when I think I'm doing ok, I think about kaami thoughts and want to m******te really bad. I have fantasies about sex. I don't m******te often. I have cut down but when I do get attacked by kaam I fantasise about sex alot. I'm not married. But at marriageable age. I wouldn't want to get married just to have sex. I want to be able to control my self. If I can't now it will be worse when im married.

Only mature people advise please or married couples.

Sorry if I offended anybody.

Veeri Ji,

We live in the world that is full of Kaam. To be honest with you, everything is now just a click away. Kaam is hardest to control thing to control in our life and even our own life started because of Kaam. The more you try to control this, the attacks by Kaam are going to be even more harder to beat. Whenever you get these thoughts, I suggest you do something to diverge your thinking towards something else, such as you can start doing Simran out loud or you can start doing chaupai sahib, japji sahib or start reciting any bani. And I do not think marriage will help you control you control your mind, because our human desire is never going to be satisfied. We should all do ardas in front of Waheguru so, we could be saved. Also, don't watch any movies or something that will encourage you to participate in any activities that lead to Kaam. You need to cheek your Kaam in check because it diverges to Anger, Ego, Greed & Attachment.. so on... And don't feel all down because we are all affected by this because we are humans, if Kaam wasn't a major problem in the world, then guru sahib wouldn't have put so much focus on it in the Gurbani. At least you realize it is a problem, and without realization you cannot find a solution. So, you are the right path.

Bhull Chuk Maaf!

[HDSH]

even our own life started because of Kaam

I will have to respectfully disagree with that part a little bit. More often than not this is indeed true. But in blessed souls, procreation transcends kaam

OP, there are 2 battles going on inside you. One is obviously the mental battle but a lot of people do not realize that habits like that alter the hormonal balance of your body. Without going into too much detail, basically you are addicted to the 'feel good' hormones your body releases during the act. So not only there is a mental battle, but also a physical one!

In my opinion, you should deal with this in 2 ways.

1. Gurbani abhiyaas (repetition) is needed very urgently for you. Pick any bani that you feel you can connect with and start repeating it as many times as possible through out the day. If you can wake up early morning to do this, that would be the best

2. To balance our the physical aspect of things, try SoDarshan Kriya.

Launch a battle on the problem from both fronts. No matter how bad things get, do NOT stop doing either of these. If you do them both for a month (try not to skip even 1 day), I guarantee you that you will feel much much better and happier. Good luck! Gurparsaad

[Guest Dirty paapi]

Thanks for the shabad that really helped.

Your right about that jhooldenishan. But at that moment in time it's hard to think like that.

Some once gave me some advice just when taking amrit now I know why they mean.

They advised me that, that blissful feeling that you have at the begining when taking amrit will gradually start to wear off if you don't keep your rehit solid.

The Panj chor will try to attack you more now than before because there is something worth taking away.

Also the Panj chor will always be around us. But the moment we let our guard (simran and bani) down that's when the panj chor attack

you you left, right and centre.

I see what they mean now.

I know this is going to sound insane. But a lot of apnay can't wait to get married to you know what because sex

restricted before marriage and it's not something that's discussed with parents, etc.

My point is, although I some times get kaami thoughts now

I want to be able to tackle this now before marriage.

I don't want to be engaging in sexual activities all the time.

Ok yeh kaam is something that everybody is affected by, but on a serious note because of this I'm just a bit scared

thinking about marriage. Hypotheticaly, what if my potential marriage partner would like to every now and again have sex.

Once you get into that constant cycle how are you supposed to focus your mind

on Gurbani and simran. Because a can tell you now, I'm already struggling now to focus and that's just when I get kaami thoughts.

Is there any extra paat I can add to my nitnem to help me stay focused?

Obviously as well as doing ardaas, but what paat can I do other than sehej paat. I don't

have the sencheea to do sehej paat.

I really want to improved rehit.

At the moment all I do is the minimum required baani which we are supposed to as amrithdaree.

I attend keeran programmes when I can, I try to keep sangat but where I'm from there are a good few

Gursikhs but no regular keertan pro. Everyone is busy with work and family life.

Would I have to go to pesh for this? I don't think I could. Too embrassed. Would rather die in shame.

Could I just not do a sincere ardaas instead?

It would be great if some of the sangat could share their routine, as in what regular paat they do and when.

Thanks.

Vaheguru Je Ka Khalsa

Vaheguru Je Ke Fateh

[jhooldenishan]

I suggest do not think about marriage like this.. instead think of it as you will get sangat of someone that will help you in your gursikhi life..and also as you will grow older you will be more mature and learn about these things slowly. If you don't mind asking me..how old are you??

and I do agree with your points that panj choor do attack us more..but if u don't commit bujjer kuret..your amrit will always be there and you can make your rehit stronger everyday.. even if you improve something once a month..that will have a huge effect on your life... One Step At A Time. Rest leave it up to Guru Sahib.. all we can do is try our best...and all of the bani is same..you can read any bani...and Keep your mind in Chardi Kala...even if you make these mistakes..don't feel so bad that you give up on simran and reading more bani etc.... ਖ਼ਾਲਸਾ ਸੋਇ ਕਰੈ ਨਿਤ ਜੰਗ || we are suppose to fight everyday..that's our job

And as a personal view, you do not have to do pesh for kaamful thoughts. You only do pesh if you have committed one of the bujjer kurets..which are: 1. Cutting hair 2. Adultery 3. eating meat/eggs and stuff 4. drugs, alcohol etc.

i hope this helps..bhull chuk maaf.

[xtremesingh18]

Do more exercise, keep yourself occupied, find a hobby or something- these help against kaam

[Guest Manmukh]

The following advice has been tried and tested by alot of GurSikhs and it's really alleviated and discouraged that urge to indulge in Kaam. I hope that you try some of the tips and that it helps you to control your Kaam.

- Observe a strict Amrit Vela i.e. rise at 3/4am and ensure you have cold Ishnaan or have final rinse with cold water.

- Jap Beant Mool Mantar Jaap - Aim to do five 108 beaded Maala's a day and increase as time goes on.

- After Nitnem, do Humble Ardas for forgiveness, strength to overcome Paap and Kirpa to carry out righteous Deeds.

- After Nitnem, read or listen to Asa Dee Vaar and Chandi Dee Vaar, can listen to Keertan version too ... From listening to many Katha's, discourses etc, these Baania have immense strength in preventing one in doing Paap and strengthens the mind and spirit to remain focused on the real aim. I believe Brahmgianni Baba Gurbachan Singh Jee Bhindranwale said that by reading/listening to Asa Dee Vaar, the effects of one's Paap is slowly but surely washed away. Even when people do Pesh for doing Kaam related Kurehits, most Panj Piaareh have been said to give a Tankha (like a punishment or chance to redeem) of x amount of Asa Dee Vaar for a period of 40 days etc.

- Practically always wear a nice beaded Maala to go around the wrist of the hand that does the 'deed' ... Psychologically when seeing the Maala which represents Simran/Naam Rass, you'll hopefully be diverted to doing something positive like Japping Naam with that Maala and become discouraged from getting your Maala 'dirty'.

- If you do happen to slip up and indulge in Kaam related activity with yourself then make sure you wash all your bed linen and wash your Gatra, have Keshi Ishnaan and wear fresh Dastaar ... It has a psychological effect to be all clean and helps to rid Kaami energy that lingers in your personal space.

- In addition, limit the time you watch TV and reduce your time of personal use on the Internet as these play a huge factor in arousing that Kaami energy ...

- Aim to visit Gurdwara everyday even if it's for only 2 minutes, Guru Jee's Darshan is so Amazing that just one glance and one visit to His Darbaar helps us Manmukhs to clear some of the dirt in our karams.

- Engage in Johriaa Da Seva, i.e. clean the shoes of the Sangath, preferably in the morning hours if you can, and wipe the dust on your forehead.

- Remember that Chithr Gupt are watching us through our own eyes ... Whatever we see/do and think, Chithr Gupt are recording it ALL ... And this record is used to judge our next destination ... This scares me to the bone!

- Also, marriage, love-making should be engaged in for the sole purpose of procreation ... Don't get fooled by media and Kaami people to believe that the love-making between husband and wife has to be something erotic ... Just keep in mind that marriage is a sacred union to experience WaheGuru and to earn His Blessings as well as the focus on bringing up future generations.

Please forgive me for my mistakes and may WaheGuru help us all to control these vices and to keep the focus on the the real aim.

[Guest gupt1]

- Also, marriage, love-making should be engaged in for the sole purpose of procreation ... Don't get fooled by media and Kaami people to believe that the love-making between husband and wife has to be something erotic ... Just keep in mind that marriage is a sacred union to experience WaheGuru and to earn His Blessings as well as the focus on bringing up future generations.

All good advice but regarding this comment... Are you married?

[Guest Dirty paapi]

No I'm not married, but with all due respect that is some good piece of advice for and should be for any Gursikh whether they married or not.

Even if you feel that kaam is one of the chors that doesn't affect you as much this is all still good information to know for future reference.

I wish I knew of all these tips before taking Amrit.

Thank you everyone for all your advice.

God bless you all.

Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Vaheguru Je Ke Fateh!!