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Engagemnet Broken


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wjkkwjkf

hello everyone.

i have this problem. i dont know what to do about it. The main problem is i am a girl & next is i reside in India. i have to face all the looks diplomat statements you get after a broken engagemnet.

Here is my story....

Few months back i was engaged to a guy of same profession as i am in, through some close relatives. I sort of had an idea about this guy through some of my friends, that he has a reputation of being little spoilt & flirt sorts. i told my family i dont want to be with a man like that. but they somehow convinced me, it is ok. Kids do such kinda stuff in schools etc. now he is grown up & besides his family is asking him to get married & he agreed that means he will never go out of his parents "kehna". Men change when they get married, They stop all the flirting & stuff. & bla bla. and i got engaged to him.

Within 2-3 months i found out he is not at all my types. he is a rich daddy's spoilt son.Totally carefree, immature, no worries about future. i was having hard time accepting the fact i am going to marry this man, that i accidently came across his girlfriend's pics with him. to my biggest surprise he was still carrying on his relationship with her. i was shocked that girl has no moral or what? i searched a little more & i found out, that he had intimate relation with that girl during his college time plus a lot of one night stands. i was awestruck, felt like 'mere pairan thalon jameen khisak gayi'. i had no freeking idea what to do. then while i was confirming all the information to be sure. We had a problem that lead to a lill misunderstanding & his family got involved. i somehow settled the matter with his family n things were ok. but he exaggerated it & wouldnt let it go.

By now i was confirmed about his rendezvous. i confronted him. he chickened out & lied. I felt i cant spend my life with a person like him. He cant provide me any security whatsoever. Even if we say he is rich, well his dad's money is exhaustible too. i mean the way he has no seriousness about life. i highly doubt he ll be adding any capital to his dad's assets. I felt he is dishonest, lier, infedile, spoilt. i cant get married to him. so i decided to leave him.

again my family tried to convince me. but by then he exaggerate the previous misunderstanding too much that his whole family started behaving strangely (may be because i confronted him.) Finally enagagent was called off.

Both the family's agreed on telling the world that things didnt work out between the kids. Jus to keep regard of the intermediater.

I am happy i didnt marry a disaster. Even i met some of his batchmates of school (who were strangers to me) at some gathering, they just said me, u did good thing. you should be thankfull to God, that you are saved, that u didnt marry him. Though nothing about his girlfriend or some strory lik tht was ever leaked out from me.

Now the problem is

1. people tell me i did the right thing. but they also tell me find a guy for yourself. some add, as you have broken engagement so it ll be hard for you to find a good match. what is that???? i did the right thing. its still better than having multiple boyfriends/ girlfriends.

2. People say that in such cases boy's side pay double the amount of the whole expenditure done in the engagement, as a penalty.

but his family is not ready to give back even the exact amount of amount spent. instead they offered us to pay the half. My father felt insulted by this & he declined to ask anything back. But i on other hand, want them to learn a lesson & take every single penny back. i might even charity the whole amount. But i want to take it back. i feel insulted by this. i feel what do you think about yourself. you think you can do anything with someone's life & get away with that, just like that. That engagement ceremony was not a party thrown for you people by my father. i want every single penny back. I want to hit them where it hurts. if its money that hurts them, then so be it.

I just want to know ideally according to sikhism what should be the procedure. Also that people should learn a lesson that you cannot play with someones life just because you are from boy's side.

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Wjkk wjkf, been in a simliar situation but it was the emotions that I had to battle. I don't know how exactly money matters but I was weighed down by emotions. one has to be really strong to handle such matters. perhaps you are more mature to understand how the world runs (i wasn't). May be your friends are right in saying that you did the right thing. Of course It isn't a joke when your family, parents have spent money on the engagement and those people only ridicule your side, but its best to ignore them now. Try to let go (even thou hard ) and move on.

Time does heal! Above all our Guruji heals :)

Uch apar beant swami tero ant na kinhee laheeye :)

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Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

Simar in such cases it is the mediator who assists in a financial compromise.

What is done is done, no need to bring ego into the equation.

Take the 50 % and move on.

I am sure you will find your match, just be patient.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

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WGJKWGJKF ...

Maybe Waheguru wanted to take you through this emotion, who know what's in store for you. One thing that you cannot deny is Mr Right is still out there for you somewhere so be patient, carry on going to the Gurdwhara and remain in Chardi Klah. Your Guru is with you on your side. I heard this quote once, goes like this. Don't tell Waheguru how big the storm is, tell the storm how big your Waheguru is!

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Let the vichola handle the money matters. I know they are being cheap by offering just 50%, but I'd say don't bring ego in, and let the parents decide what is best. You should be grateful you were saved from a disaster of a marriage. It is hard, but ignore people's comments. It won't be difficult for you to find a good match, and there is no hurry... just be strong!

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  • 1 month later...

Ignore the past and move on. Some of the rehats of sikhi are missing these days so we have some accounts here and there. My personal advice is don't think too much about the past, move on with the future. No one is perfect you have to start somewhere, sometimes our own personality says a lot about us, if you have a great personality people will come running to you. Guys run after attractive people, he wasn't right for you people comfort you but people want to stay out of it so it doesn't look bad to their friend. Some people would lie in the advert others won't care. You need to keep smiling and being confident in life, people are more interested in looks, attractiveness, personality and family. You can work with looks perhaps some excercise and dieting and with personality reading more books going to high class places, spend time on sophisticated websites and reading + listening to gurbani (going gurdwara). The guru resolves all problems, do ardas, guru will make the answers in your life apparent. With proper ardas things will happen for you themselves when the time is right.

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