Cheating Husband And Father, Please Help

[NamoSarab]

Gurfateh jee

I am in need of some help from some learned Sikhs. I recently came across a situation of a young adult amrit dhaari girl who is having an affair with an older married Singh who is also a father of a young child. Everything I try to do to explain the to the girl how wrong it is doesn't seem to be getting through. I really could do with some tukks or saakhis from Gurbani or Sikh history to help her realize she is doing wrong. She is a nice person but this elder Singh, who should know better and is well-known in a certain jatha circle, just has no shame. We have tried to warn him and he agreed to stop talking to her... but we know for a fact he still does. He is in a foreign country and theres not much I can do to him or say to him as he is one of those "sweet-talking" guys. But I believe with the right guidance and advice, I can reach out to this girl.

What would you guys say to this girl? (Apart from swearing and hurling abuse!) I know she wrong, I know she deserves grave punishment, but Maharaj will give that to her when the time is right. At this time, I just want to steer her in the right direction.

Please help

[Guest GRRRR]

Show her a picture of the child and tell her that she is going to destroy his life by being a selfish cow. If that doesn't make her stop, she doesn't have a heart.

[Only five]

inmK kwm suAwd kwrix koit idns duKu pwvih ]

nimakh kaam suaadh kaaran kott dhinas dhukh paavehi ||

For a moment of sexual pleasure, you shall suffer in pain for millions of days.

Ang 403

iKnhUM rs Bogn iKnhUM iKnhU qij jwieE ]1]

khinehoo ras bhogan khinehoo khinehoo thaj jaaeiou ||1||

One moment, he enjoys pleasures, and the next moment, he leaves and goes away. ||1||

Ang 409

These times are the most difficult to stay on Guru's path. All around us, people are full of ego, lust, and anger. Sit down with her and read Sukhmani Sahib da paat. Don't even mention anything about the bad deeds she is doing. Once done reading Sukhmani Sahib, then do veechar with her on what Guru Sahib said in the paat. Humility conquers the ego and brings the mind to recognize what is important in life.

[NamoSarab]

Thank you jee. You know, I have tried to that extent too. She claims that she loves him and is attached to him, which she knows is wrong. She believes Gurbani doesn't mention that it's wrong to love someone, regardless of whether they are married or not! But she knows the attachment side of things is wrong but she "can't help it".

I believe this Singh has got to her quite a bit psychologically. From her side, lust is not the factor, it's her emotions which she needs to control again. He has a hold of her.

[Only five]

I think you should make here realize what taking Amrit from the the Punj Pyare and having an Anand Karaj means. The guy she is emtionally attached to made a full committment in front of Guru Sahib twice. One was to fully serve Guru Sahib, when he took Amrit. He literally gave his head to Guru Sahib, but he broke this commitment with Guru Sahib. By going against Rehat Maryada and committing a Bujjar Kurihet. So he has no respect for Guru Sahib. Then how can he ever have respect for her? If a person can break a commitment he made with Akal Purakh, then what is she in front of Akal Purakh to him? Akal Purakh gave us life, puts food in our mouth, gave us a warm bed to sleep on, keeps us protected and Akal Purakh continues to do these things, but the guy didn't even respect Akal Purakh for these things. If he did respect Akal Purakh, he wouldn't have gone against Akal Purakhs blessings. Ask her if she could ever disrespect someone that did that much for her? The other commitment was with his wife during the Anand Karaj. He sat before Guru Sahib and said this is my wife and with your blessing my soul and her's will become one (we can become husband and wife). Guru Sahib blessed him and his wife with this gift. But the guy broke it. Ask her if he was standing before Maharaj after breaking both commitments with Guru Sahib, will Guru Sahib give him a big hug and say you are my son for breaking the two commitments with me? If someone breaks commitments, then they don't love and don't care for the person they made a commitment with. So how would he ever honor a commitment he made with you, when he doesn't love or care about Guru Sahib? We bow before Guru Sahib because we are looking for love that never ends. And Guru Sahib says if you want this love, then give me nothing less than your head.

Ultimately, help her read more Bani, help her keep sangat of Sikhs that follow rehat and if you can take her to some Gursikh that can explain to her what love in SIkhi is.

A lot of youth today are falling victim to emotional attachment because its a quick fix to the void in their lives. They want to fill the emptiness in their life and no one is around to show them the Gurmat solution, where you're full of love forever because you walk on Guru Sahib's path.

[Wolverine5]

Thank you jee. You know, I have tried to that extent too. She claims that she loves him and is attached to him, which she knows is wrong. She believes Gurbani doesn't mention that it's wrong to love someone, regardless of whether they are married or not! But she knows the attachment side of things is wrong but she "can't help it".

I believe this Singh has got to her quite a bit psychologically. From her side, lust is not the factor, it's her emotions which she needs to control again. He has a hold of her.

Please do not hesitate to speak the Truth. Please also remember, we are accountable for all out actions and have to answer to Guru Maharaj when we depart from this world. If she doesn't want to listen, well then that's her own fault and as you have rightly said she is blinded. It takes just One phone call.........plain and simple!

Pull Chuk Maaf :waheguru:

[Guest _gupt_]

Personally, if i was married and my partner was cheating on me i would want to know. You should expose him to his family/wife. Who knows how many extra marital relationships he is having and what else he is up to. It would be better if it was all out in the open

fateh ji

[NamoSarab]

Thank you for your advice, I will take that on board. I know he should be exposed to his wife and all but... I can't break someones heart and a family. I know it's weak of me but I am using that as a real last resort.

There's just been so many similar cases that have happened similar to this and it makes me think that when I was younger, I used to think people having affairs, especially in our community, was so rare and if you did hear of anything it would disgust me so much... but now, having lived a longer life, I realize how wrong I was about it being so rare... and it's quite upsetting when that realization kicks in. Kaljug is certainly showing it's dark side. Sorry to go on about it. Thanks for your advice again all.

[Guest _gupt_]

It wont be you breaking someones heart. He did that the day he cheated on his wife. He broke their marriage and disrespected our guruji the day he started this affair. The khalsa are supposed to be pure and honest and stand up for whats right. But you are just letting him carry on cheating on his wife and helping him keep it a secret! This young adult amritdharis life and jeevan is also being ruined by this guy as he has brainwashed and seduced her.

Its terrible when you hear about these things affecting amritdhari communities, but its just as bad knowing about this and not telling anyone about it to put a stop to it. The only way it will end is if you tell the wife. im sorry, but you need to do what is right.

[Guest choice]

Gurbani says that in the Kalyug, the men have become demons-

This woman is Not a 'Nice Person'. She has become a demon and so has her lover- they are both equally to blame, to have an affair with a man who has children and a wife is cold and heartless.

Tell me what difference is there between the actions of a demon and the actions of these people. Our thoughts and actions define what we become in the khel.

Do not make excuses for her.

She will get what is due to her according to the perfect law of karma..