Advice Needed With Folded Hands

[Guest Confused Kaur]

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

I am in a bit of a difficult time in my life and was desperatly hoping that you all could help me with advice & point of view. I would so greatly appreciate it! Please don't be too judgemental because I know this does not seem like a proper situation for a bibi to be in maybe. Everyone please try to give me your point of view as this is the gupt section

I am at the point of getting married and finished with school and I have recieved two rishtas. I am really stressed onto which one will be a better life partner. I am asking for all of your advice if you were in my position and maybe seeing this from a point of view that I am maybe missing.

--The first singh is well educated and has a respectable career. He also does kirtan and tabla which i have always desired in my life partner. The problem is he is more deluded with the five vices. From our convos, he is very kaami and is not following maryada as per puratan times but he does follow the basics with devition. Basically, more "in" for today's society. His family is all amritdhari.

-- The second singh always teaches me new things abour Sikhi and helps me with my struggles in sikhi as i know him. He is a very simple singh who follows maryada as per puratan times but does not do kirtan or tabla. Also, the MAIN thing that is making me confused is that he has a low respected proffesion. He works in a shoe factory and gets paid very low and is illiterate in some ways. He, as a person, is a very very very good Singh, but i am afraid life will be a struggle due to his occupation. His family is not into Sikhi.

If you had to choose (sorry if this is judgeing but this is my life decision) please help me if you were in my shoes.

[Guest Guest]

Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh Ji

Just my opinion, when we sit in Guru Sahib's darbar, all the sangat sits equally, ideally we should all even be dressed in the same way. Only one thing matters there, our love for our Guru Sahib, not our career, status, and in this situation, I'd say even whether or not we can play vaja and tabla. The truth is we are here to meet Vaheguru, marriage is meant to be an aid to this goal, so I think you know in your heart which of them it seems you will be more likely to achieve this goal quicker with (but even then, nothing is definite, all is his will!).

As for your worries about struggling because of Singh's job and your concerns about him being illiterate;

(Please note I am NOT applying the last line to the other Singh, I just wanted to post the whole pauri out of respect for Gurbani)

ਤਿਨ ਮਤਿ ਤਿਨ ਪਤਿ ਤਿਨ ਧਨੁ ਪਲੈ ਜਿਨ ਹਿਰਦੈ ਰਹਿਆ ਸਮਾਇ ॥

Thin Math Thin Path Thin Dhhan Palai Jin Hiradhai Rehiaa Samaae ||

Wisdom, honor and wealth are in the laps of those whose hearts remain permeated with the Lord.

ਤਿਨ ਕਾ ਕਿਆ ਸਾਲਾਹਣਾ ਅਵਰ ਸੁਆਲਿਉ ਕਾਇ ॥

Thin Kaa Kiaa Saalaahanaa Avar Suaalio Kaae ||

What praise can be offered to them? What other adornments can be bestowed upon them?

ਨਾਨਕ ਨਦਰੀ ਬਾਹਰੇ ਰਾਚਹਿ ਦਾਨਿ ਨ ਨਾਇ ॥੪॥੪॥

Naanak Nadharee Baaharae Raachehi Dhaan N Naae ||4||4||

O Nanak, those who lack the Lord's Glance of Grace cherish neither charity nor the Lord's Name. ||4||4|| [Ang 15]

[VanHelsingh]

Go for the shoe-maker. You'll be poorer (relatively) but if he really is on-board with Sikhi to the extent you say he is, you'll be happier and content in the long-run from a spiritual and Sikhi standpoint. You will both be good for each other.

Also, you could encourage him to attend evening classes to gain qualifications which could improve his employment prospects.

But I have a feeling the other guy will win out. He appears respectable and his family are amritdhari. What more could a Singhni ask for? But seriously good luck. What a tough decision!

[Guest Chief Guest]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

Honestly i will prepare 3 chit's -

1. Keertani guy

2. Jeevani guy

3. Wait for someone else

Wrap and put them in tumbler so that you don't know which is which..

Place them in a tumbler before Guru Sahib,do Ardas asking for guidance and power to follow suit.

Then pick one chit out of the tumbler.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

[Guest HKaur]

Before you go any further, ask Guru Maharaaj by taking a Hukamnama.

With the first guy, his attitude to kaam would be an instant deal breaker.

Second guy, if his family aren't into Sikhi..I would be worried because I'd want my children to be brought up with Gursikh grandparents as they will undoubtedly have a huge impact on the child's life (but I wouldn't necessarily say no because of this reason).

I think that the second guy is the better choice, BUT you should only accept if you are completely happy to spend the rest of your life with one of these people and their family. If you have serious doubts about either of these people, then just remember that you don't have to accept (even though they may seem like good rishtey to other people). You're the one that is going to be their life partner and only you can tell whether you will be happy.

[Guest Khalsa]

hmmm the shoe factory singh seems better, who knows how successful he may become in the future??? however, sikhi actually flourishes in gareebi, so with this guy u will get sikhi but your going to have to go through hardship in life so its up to you if you are willing to take this on.......

....... If you are talking about puratan times.........the wives were of such valour and high dignity that even if their husband was very gareeb they would stand side by side with their husband and to them, their husband was the wealthiest person in the world.

once laavan where performed her husband became her pati dev (almost adhered as a god) and the wife would worship the ground that her husband would walk on, even if her husband was poor she would defend him and stand up for him if others insulted him.

dhan were the puratan bibiyan.

however these scenareos are all too hard to find now, but penji do whatever your heart tells you, remember who knows what vaheguru has in mind for each of us, one can instantly become poor and then instantly rich..........

hope everything works out for you

ps if the tabla and kirtan guy is a randi kaami guy then chances are he will mess around when you get married aswell so be very very careful.

sri akaal ji sahai!

[Guest Gupt1]

Bhenji I believe you should wait a few years or so till you reach that age where you are fully mature enough to understand what you are looking in a life partner, the purpose of marriage and what you truly want from your life.

If you have just finished school, this is your time to advance in your sikhi as you can and eventually you will know what guy you are willing to spend the rest of your life with....

please dont rush these things as they are big decisions and once married if something does go wrong, you cannot undo it....therefore personally best to concentrate and focus on yourself now, especially if you have just finished school.

[Guest gupt-sister]

Dear sister

The richest one is one who has sikhi and rehat in their jeevan. money comes and goes. one day a man may be the richest man around, the next he may be a pauper if that pleases guru ji. He gives what he wants and takes what he wants.

Being rich will not make life happier, or easier. But sikhi, and a sikhi jeevan will.

Its not about the ease of life but who will better your life so you can walk towards ur guru ji. you can build whatever you want with the right partner....dont think superfical...think beyond the obvious.. Ultimately, ask guru ji for hukamnama and see what guru ji wants

[Only five]

Test both of them. For the first, test him on how much he is attached to physical characteristics, if they are taken away. Second one test him on if he had a lot of money how much will he change and move away from Sikhi because of it.

[Wicked Warrior]

Very good advice here - you do not know how things will end. Maybe the first guy settles down and you help him with his Sikhi to overcome his kaami. Maybe with the second guy, you help each other's jeevan to the point where his karam clears and he becomes rich/successful.

The lines have already been written. What is to happen must play out.