Looking for a partner

[Guest Singhh]

I am a 22 yr old singh who is looking to get married but there are amritdhaaris in my area and my parents don't know any amritdhaari families. What's the best way of finding a gursikh partner? I've already tried speaking to a few gursikh elders but I got the feeling they had more important things to do.

[Not2Cool2Argue]

matrimonial sites on akj.org and tapoban.org and also sikhnet matrimonials. Also attend smagams, there are a lot of amritdhari's there.

imo, don't worry about it, ur only 22 that is so young........and just do ardaas/paath and let guru ji take care of it. If u let the guru do the karaj, it will be done best. I heard a story, that this girl would do ardaas and paath everyday to find a good husband. And her father told us that she got the best husband out of all his daughters..

[RajOFtheKHALSA]

Try to make your parents to stay close to their parents and make them talk then do that everyday ...... Lol lol lol. :0 :| :D

[Guest Singh 22]

I understand some may consider it to be a 'young age' but there are many young couples that are getting married. I cannot go to rainsbhais to look for a partner, we go for guroo! For the akj matrimonal site you need to give details of a local gursikh and I dont really feel comfortable doing that.

[Guest P]

I'm in the same position as you bruv. It's difficult but Maharaaj has looked after you your entire life so just keep bharosa that whatever They are doing is for the best.

People are going to say to you..oh you're only 22, don't worry yet..you've got plenty of time..but to be honest it's not easy finding a decent partner nowadays so it's good to start looking early..it's going to take at the very least a year and by the time everythings sorted and you actually get married, you could be 24/25.

With regards to finding someone when your family doesn't know anyone..again, I'm in the same position and it's frustrating. But don't exclude asking people just because they're not amritdhari..I'm sure your relatives will want to help and there's always someone who knows someone else. 6 degrees of separation and all that! Amritdharis don't exclusively mix with amritdharis so get your parents to talk to everyone. There might be a bibi in the exact same position as you who only knows non-amritdhari families. If you don't ask anyone and everyone, you're not going to get very far.

Also, if you have any younger sangat or if you know any gursikhs couples young or old, mention it to them. I'm sure if you have some sangat they will want to help you..to be fair, a lot of people have stopped making suggestions nowadays because if things don't work out it always goes back to the bichola..but just try and hopefully they will help you.

Another thing I would say is don't waste time being embarrassed or feeling uncomfortable about the situation. You have to be really pro-active and just keep looking and use whatever channels are available to you. Tell your relatives, speak to Gursikhs in your area..if they don't seem like they want to help, give them a friendly nudge now and again or get your parents to mention it.

You also mentioned that there are many young couples that are getting married..yes there are, everyone seems to be getting married recently. But don't let this put any pressure on you or influence how you feel. If you personally feel ready to get married then fine. But if it's because you feel its something that you should be doing because everyone else is then that's not really right. Marriage is bloody hard work so if you want to get into it fairly soon, make sure it's for the right reasons.

It feels embarrassing sometimes, as though you're just clutching at straws and not getting anywhere, but keep trying and whatever is meant to happen will happen. Don't worry about it but don't sit around thinking it will just come to you.

Hope there was something remotely useful in all of that. If anyone has any better suggests I'd love to hear them because like I said, I'm in the same position atm.

Waheguru.

[DalbirSingh]

go to a rehansbhai seems people are finding amritdhari partners in these all night kirtans

[Consciousness]

go to a rehansbhai seems people are finding amritdhari partners in these all night kirtans

A rehansabhai is NOT a dating agency where you find a suitable partner. Even though AKJ does promote to get married early but going to a rehansbhai to get hitched beats the purpose of one.

[DalbirSingh]

I've seen too many people actually doing that and getting married, you don't need to go directly to the partner you can go to parents your family can be there it's a perfect setting really. Doesn't have to mean you turn the kirtan smagam into a nightclub, you can use good protocols since it's happening in pretty much most gurdwaras over night you can get hitched, guru sahib gave an overall system for life, people would get rishtas in pindhs gurus done rishta before if you read sakhis himself in guru hazoori you find a more purer place to find the right partner, it also gives you chance to do ardas for someone for your grist who you can do nitnem with to live your sikhi with

[Consciousness]

I've seen too many people actually doing that and getting married, you don't need to go directly to the partner you can go to parents your family can be there it's a perfect setting really. Doesn't have to mean you turn the kirtan smagam into a nightclub, you can use good protocols since it's happening in pretty much most gurdwaras over night you can get hitched, guru sahib gave an overall system for life, people would get rishtas in pindhs gurus done rishta before if you read sakhis himself in guru hazoori you find a more purer place to find the right partner, it also gives you chance to do ardas for someone for your grist who you can do nitnem with to live your sikhi with

I know what you mean I've seen this happen myself a few times- but the problem is the youth should not have this intention because I know that some or even most will not tell their parents but would check out bibis and vice versa themselves lustfully in order to date them. This makes it a slippery path and leads to a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship.

So it would be best if one goes for a rehansbahi and let the parents I suppose take care of their rishta rather than the youth looking for a potential partner.

[DalbirSingh]

People in those kirtan smagams go with family now if you have a gursikh who is an orphan even he has a right for someone to act on his part maybe a giani or a nice singh who understands that. Anyone looking for a life partner on the basis of looks will be disapointed you need to look at personality and if it works, kaam will always be there in life but you need to have love in your family to make your grist work. It's not only guys in that position even girls are, they have problems finding partners, it's better people find real gursikh rather than live single or marry some random christian, muslim, polish or something else out not having gursikhi continue in the family.

People do find rishtas in gurdwaras it's one of the best places to find one, some people use gurdwaras as meeting points for rishtas as well, like the newspaper ones or other the internet it can be better then going to one guy or girls house or meeting in mcdonalds you can bring the family and see if you can manage with the family, it's not about marrying the partner but the whole family going to there future programs as well