keeping secrets from your partner

[Guest Guest]

Thank you for your thoughtful replies, it has given me a lot to think about. I don't quite see this as a skeleton in the closet as I'm not not threatened by it. To me it's something that 'someone else' did.

The reason I am even thinking about it is because I don't want to have secrets in marriage. I am concerned about the impact of telling my future wife.

I don't know her well enough to put myself in her shoes, but I do believe that she would be most grieved by any such revelation to the point of it affecting the marriage.

If roles were reversed, I don't think it matters so much to me. I would want to know if my partner has had sex and whether they have committed any grave sins which caused them to pesh, but prior to that I'm not so concerned, it makes no difference. Even rehats which forbid Sikhs from having relations with certain groups or people come to an end when someone becomes Amdirdhari so I see the life prior to that as being irrelevant.

Would I be hurt if skeletons came out of her closet? I believe we are hurt by maya because we have attachments. If I still have attachments at the time yes I may feel sad/angry/jealous etc as per the skeleton but I would hope to not be affected by it so much as a negative emotion caused purely by information about the past is not worth it.

Perhaps after building the relationship in terms of trust etc, one can begin to discuss such things and at that point they would hopefully not be a big deal.