I Don't Feel Like An Adult. [Advice From Sisters Please]

[Guest Singhni]

Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh.

I'm almost 22, but I don't feel like an adult. I don't feel that I ever made the transition to adulthood.

Disclaimer: It's not that I'm immature or have an easy life. I've always been told I'm too mature for my age, and a lot has happened in my life which has given me more stress and responsibility than most people my age.

It's just the way that I act and carry myself, I don't feel like I'm an adult. All I have to do is turn on TV to see people younger than me who are so confident, assertive, so far in their lives - they're in long term relationships, they're very independent, have experienced so much etc.

I'm quiet, my voice is soft and quiet and it often annoys me that I don't project it and come across as this confident adult. I don't think I look like an adult, I don't dress in flashy clothes like those around me, I'm not bothered about fashion. I don't go out much. I have friends but I prefer to see them only every so often... seems like others would be out shopping in London every other day, whereas I'm at home reading. During the holidays, my life is quite unproductive.

I'm at university, so I haven't gone out to the world of work yet. I have a job, but I work from home. I know I'm lacking in confidence and assertiveness so that's probably a big obstacle for me.

I think I might need to 'grow up', but I don't know what that means for me. I have responsibility, I look after my single mother and grandmother, cook, clean, focus on uni work. But maybe not enough independence for my age- I like out at uni, yes, but I can't drive and I don't go out except to programmes for example. I guess I feel like my mind is child-like. I'm mature, and although I know I'm not 'pure' or whatever, I feel like I'm too innocent minded at this age and it won't help me in the world.

I guess I see other people who are quite independent, out-spoken, loud and confident, and I'm still such a feeble quiet girl who doesn't speak much. I don't know if this is a Gursikhi thing, like I'm supposed to speak sweetly and maintain an innocent mind so it's okay. But am I just a kid in a young adults body?

It's just a bit disheartening. Sisters, do any of you feel this way? How to cope in a world where those my age are miles ahead of me? At uni, for example... everyone around me is always going out, driving to places, going on holidays with friends... I don't to do those things but I do feel like a kid in many ways.

[Guest GETREKT]

Me and a mate regularly say to each other, we don't feel like adults..

I know the title says advice from sisters only... however i had to comment on this.

Everything you posted is extremely similar to the situation i'm in... except my characteristics are the complete opposite. I would say i'm confident and overly assertive at times.

Never really go out much though and get up to what my friends and others my age do, the only activity i ever leave home for is to go and play Football..... Otherwise my time is spent... well let's just say doing activities my parents would class as an utter waste of time.

I think for me, it's a sense of not having any responsibility at the moment. I'm still care free at 21 with not a worry on my mind... I just look forward to each new day, it's exactly how i used to think and feel when i was in secondary school.

I feel it's wrong to assume just because you're "Out spoken, loud and confident" means you are an adult or "feel" like an adult. Otherwise people who were the way you stated wouldn't feel the same way.

Maybe i'll start "feeling" like an adult when i have partner or someone relying on me....

I don't think you should feel disheartened by it though, just because people around you are going out and getting up to supposedly "fun stuff" should not make you feel inferior. They may not posses the same talents and skills that you may have, hell many of my friends get up to all sorts of stuff that i miss out on... does it make them better than me? Definitely not.. maybe you're just a "late bloomer"

[Guest lolJustReadTheTitle]

to me your really chardikala, not many sister out their like you. keep doing what your doing. stay true to god.

[harsharan000]

Dear Singhni,

first of all be yourself as you are. Characters and personalities are very much the result of one´s past karmas.

One´s character can not be changed, just by trying to be and behave like others. This is not like going to the gym, and build one´s body,or getting slim, by exercising. One´s character, is one´s very own nature, right up to the last day of one´s life.

Let us ask ourselves, what is being mature? Is it partying, smoking, drinking, dancing, dressing according to the last fashion?

No, that is not being mature. Mature is being balanced in life, and making the right decisions, which one thinks are right. Other thing if they are succesful, which are the results, and they are not in one´s hands, but on karmas.

Being mature is being satisfied with oneself within one´s limitations, as nobody is perfect, but in trying and giving one´s best with honesty . Being mature is also to be truthful with oneself and with our family, friends if any, society in general.

The thing is, not feeling forced in doing what one does not like, though it may be done by the rest of the world.

Beacuse after all, one knows one´s limitations ... and no two people have the same capacity, in any field.

Nobody is perfect, nobody is born perfect.

Then spiritually speaking, which is the most important factor in one´s life, being mature is making the most of, the most valuable gift given to us by Wahiguru Akal Purukh, which is this human body.

Let others do what they want, but we know, that to make the most of this golden opportunity, is to do that thing, which will free me from the creation and not bring me back into it.

So what is that thing?

According to the Bani, it is unconditional love and devotion at the Lotus Feet of wahiguru Akal Purukh, in the form of Nam Simran.

It is only this type of devotion, which will take us from this side of the creation, to the very lap of our True Father in Sach Khand.

This is maturity, this is knowledge...

Mature people do get the best, and our best is none else than our beloved Wahiguru Akal Purukh. So we have to strive to achieve Him, by His Grace.

And at the last, merging in Him, who is the only Supreme Perfection, is what makes one the most wise, and the most mature person.

Singhni bhenji, may Wahiguru bless you

Sat Sree Akal .

[Guest V w]

Ssa

If you want to be out going make some friends .If you are gursikh , make some gursikh friends .You can make friends at college , gurdwara , your neighbours .have some learning hobby .

[singhbj singh]

Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh.

I'm almost 22, but I don't feel like an adult. I don't feel that I ever made the transition to adulthood.

Disclaimer: It's not that I'm immature or have an easy life. I've always been told I'm too mature for my age, and a lot has happened in my life which has given me more stress and responsibility than most people my age.

It's just the way that I act and carry myself, I don't feel like I'm an adult. All I have to do is turn on TV to see people younger than me who are so confident, assertive, so far in their lives - they're in long term relationships, they're very independent, have experienced so much etc.

I'm quiet, my voice is soft and quiet and it often annoys me that I don't project it and come across as this confident adult. I don't think I look like an adult, I don't dress in flashy clothes like those around me, I'm not bothered about fashion. I don't go out much. I have friends but I prefer to see them only every so often... seems like others would be out shopping in London every other day, whereas I'm at home reading. During the holidays, my life is quite unproductive.

I'm at university, so I haven't gone out to the world of work yet. I have a job, but I work from home. I know I'm lacking in confidence and assertiveness so that's probably a big obstacle for me.

I think I might need to 'grow up', but I don't know what that means for me. I have responsibility, I look after my single mother and grandmother, cook, clean, focus on uni work. But maybe not enough independence for my age- I like out at uni, yes, but I can't drive and I don't go out except to programmes for example. I guess I feel like my mind is child-like. I'm mature, and although I know I'm not 'pure' or whatever, I feel like I'm too innocent minded at this age and it won't help me in the world.

I guess I see other people who are quite independent, out-spoken, loud and confident, and I'm still such a feeble quiet girl who doesn't speak much. I don't know if this is a Gursikhi thing, like I'm supposed to speak sweetly and maintain an innocent mind so it's okay. But am I just a kid in a young adults body?

It's just a bit disheartening. Sisters, do any of you feel this way? How to cope in a world where those my age are miles ahead of me? At uni, for example... everyone around me is always going out, driving to places, going on holidays with friends... I don't to do those things but I do feel like a kid in many ways.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

I think you are right, all your unmarried sisters are busy with their boyfriends.

Married ones have household chores & babies to look after that's why none bothered to reply.

So as usual it's Uncle ji to the rescue :-)

Now this sort of thing is normal in young women your age.

In fact as per Gurmat it is a Merit.

Having relations before marriage is still a taboo in religious circles so better avoid any such company.

Just concentrate on your studies coz it will play a major part in your career.

In materialistic world people like associating with those with successful careers.

As for confidence, independence, maturity; it all comes with age so nothing to be worried about.

Have faith in Waheguru ji, just be Natural.

[11qwert11]

I'm in a similar boat to yours :toohappy: 20 years old in uni for bio, to shy to talk to girls :l, I sit around doing "research" about random stuff on wikie/internet. I'm to scared to drive and the few friends I do have I only contact them through the web.

but meh every dog has his days.

[kharkusingh1996]

Just noticed not one sister has given her advice yet. :lol2:

[Guest Singhni]

Thank you all for your replies.

I came into Sikhi about three years ago, and before that I'd say I was still quiet but attempted to fit in and do the whole 'wooo go out be eccentric and have fun with your friends' thing. It didn't work, but I thought that as I got older I'd manage to BECOME like that, because society seems to tell us it's the ideal. And in fact, most people are like that, so you feel like there's something wrong with you if you're not. My cousins have always been very adult like, conversing with everyone, knowing everything about everyone, always know the right things to say. For me it's too much gossiping and talking when there's no need to talk... but they do come across as confident adults, despite being younger than me, and they're applauded for it.

I have some good Gursikh friends. But even around them I feel like such a kid. I'll give an example. Even though I'm comfortable with them, I can't joke with them if it might hurt any of their feelings. The only way I don't feel bad is to be really nice, all the time. So I can't really do that 'banter' thing or have normal relationships with people. I can't tell whether I have an undeveloped personality and need to grow up, or whether it's just part of my character and it's okay to be like this.

The reason I wanted girls to reply was so that I could see whether others feel that their Sikhi ideals are in conflict with the world. But I know many Singhniya who are out-spoken, out all the time, very different to myself... so I suppose I just wanted advice and different perspectives.

[UsernameTaken]

haha ill be the first sister :D

firstly pen ji this is quite cute! Don't worry about it, I think about it too sometimes! I feel like ill never grow up!

But I'm just glad that I'm still feeling young because eventually everyone grows older and especially for girls when they get married they have to seriously pull their act together because we'll be judged as daughter-in-laws, wife mother etc or else you'll get serious criticisms (as my older sister has told me). so don't worry about it and instead enjoy your time !

awwww! I've got lots to worry about you can take some of my worries haha ! I still need to get my driving theory and test sorted too and I don't go out too much either !!! I'm not in a relationship, instead I devote my time to my family and myself

OMG LOL I'm quite talkative and quite confident ! Even I feel that im a kid and need to grow up! so basically no its not just you, I think its just a normal natural thing which is the process of the transition into Adulthood!

btw a lot of respect to you for talking care of your family

Bhul chuk maaf ji