12 Step Meetings For Porn Addiction

[Guest 2016]

I'm addicted to Pornography. I have seen a couple of therapists who recommended I go to SAA meetings (Sex Addicts Anonymous). They are very good apparently.

My only problem is I feel funny going wearing a dastar. I feel like it would be bringing shame on Sikhs or religion etc. As we Sikhs are supposed to be spiritual, strong etc. I'd feel quite embarrassed.

Any advice on what to do?

[sikhni777]

This must be really bad if you have seen therapist and got no where.

If you feel funny going there wearing a dastar - then yes you should go there. Perhaps it is what will motivate you from stopping.

Don't focus on your dastar when you go there. 99% of the chance is that no one there will eve be focussing on your dastar apart from yourself.

The main thing which is going to stop you from your bad habit is the will to stop. Going to groups is of no use if you dont have the motivation to stop.

The best way to stop a bad habit is to develop another good one which will divert you from the bad one. Think of alternative things you could watch on the computer. Get rid of all your tapes and videos if that is what you use.

ੴ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਪ੍ਰਸਾਦਿ ॥

Ik▫oaʼnkār saṯgur parsāḏ.

One Universal Creator God. By The Grace Of The True Guru:

ਰਾਗੁ ਸਿਰੀਰਾਗੁ ਮਹਲਾ ਪਹਿਲਾ ੧ ਘਰੁ ੧ ॥

Rāg sirīrāg mėhlā pahilā 1 gẖar 1.

Raag Siree Raag, First Mehl, First House:

ਮੋਤੀ ਤ ਮੰਦਰ ਊਸਰਹਿ ਰਤਨੀ ਤ ਹੋਹਿ ਜੜਾਉ ॥

Moṯī ṯa manḏar ūsrėh raṯnī ṯa hohi jaṛā▫o.

If I had a palace made of pearls, inlaid with jewels,

ਕਸਤੂਰਿ ਕੁੰਗੂ ਅਗਰਿ ਚੰਦਨਿ ਲੀਪਿ ਆਵੈ ਚਾਉ ॥

Kasṯūr kungū agar cẖanḏan līp āvai cẖā▫o.

scented with musk, saffron and sandalwood, a sheer delight to behold -

ਮਤੁ ਦੇਖਿ ਭੂਲਾ ਵੀਸਰੈ ਤੇਰਾ ਚਿਤਿ ਨ ਆਵੈ ਨਾਉ ॥੧॥

Maṯ ḏekẖ bẖūlā vīsrai ṯerā cẖiṯ na āvai nā▫o. ||1||

seeing this, I might go astray and forget You, and Your Name would not enter into my mind. ||1||

ਹਰਿ ਬਿਨੁ ਜੀਉ ਜਲਿ ਬਲਿ ਜਾਉ ॥

Har bin jī▫o jal bal jā▫o.

Without the Lord, my soul is scorched and burnt.

ਮੈ ਆਪਣਾ ਗੁਰੁ ਪੂਛਿ ਦੇਖਿਆ ਅਵਰੁ ਨਾਹੀ ਥਾਉ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

Mai āpṇā gur pūcẖẖ ḏekẖi▫ā avar nāhī thā▫o. ||1|| rahā▫o.

I consulted my Guru, and now I see that there is no other place at all. ||1||Pause||

ਧਰਤੀ ਤ ਹੀਰੇ ਲਾਲ ਜੜਤੀ ਪਲਘਿ ਲਾਲ ਜੜਾਉ ॥

Ḏẖarṯī ṯa hīre lāl jaṛ▫ṯī palagẖ lāl jaṛā▫o.

If the floor of this palace was a mosaic of diamonds and rubies, and if my bed was encased with rubies,

ਮੋਹਣੀ ਮੁਖਿ ਮਣੀ ਸੋਹੈ ਕਰੇ ਰੰਗਿ ਪਸਾਉ ॥

Mohṇī mukẖ maṇī sohai kare rang pasā▫o.

and if heavenly beauties, their faces adorned with emeralds, tried to entice me with sensual gestures of love -

ਮਤੁ ਦੇਖਿ ਭੂਲਾ ਵੀਸਰੈ ਤੇਰਾ ਚਿਤਿ ਨ ਆਵੈ ਨਾਉ ॥੨॥

Maṯ ḏekẖ bẖūlā vīsrai ṯerā cẖiṯ na āvai nā▫o. ||2||

seeing these, I might go astray and forget You, and Your Name would not enter into my mind. ||2||

ਸਿਧੁ ਹੋਵਾ ਸਿਧਿ ਲਾਈ ਰਿਧਿ ਆਖਾ ਆਉ ॥

Siḏẖ hovā siḏẖ lā▫ī riḏẖ ākẖā ā▫o.

If I were to become a Siddha, and work miracles, summon wealth

ਗੁਪਤੁ ਪਰਗਟੁ ਹੋਇ ਬੈਸਾ ਲੋਕੁ ਰਾਖੈ ਭਾਉ ॥

Gupaṯ pargat ho▫e baisā lok rākẖai bẖā▫o.

and become invisible and visible at will, so that people would hold me in awe -

ਮਤੁ ਦੇਖਿ ਭੂਲਾ ਵੀਸਰੈ ਤੇਰਾ ਚਿਤਿ ਨ ਆਵੈ ਨਾਉ ॥੩॥

Maṯ ḏekẖ bẖūlā vīsrai ṯerā cẖiṯ na āvai nā▫o. ||3||

seeing these, I might go astray and forget You, and Your Name would not enter into my mind. ||3||

ਸੁਲਤਾਨੁ ਹੋਵਾ ਮੇਲਿ ਲਸਕਰ ਤਖਤਿ ਰਾਖਾ ਪਾਉ ॥

Sulṯān hovā mel laskar ṯakẖaṯ rākẖā pā▫o.

If I were to become an emperor and raise a huge army, and sit on a throne,

ਹੁਕਮੁ ਹਾਸਲੁ ਕਰੀ ਬੈਠਾ ਨਾਨਕਾ ਸਭ ਵਾਉ ॥

Hukam hāsal karī baiṯẖā nānkā sabẖ vā▫o.

issuing commands and collecting taxes-O Nanak, all of this could pass away like a puff of wind.

ਮਤੁ ਦੇਖਿ ਭੂਲਾ ਵੀਸਰੈ ਤੇਰਾ ਚਿਤਿ ਨ ਆਵੈ ਨਾਉ ॥੪॥੧॥

Maṯ ḏekẖ bẖūlā vīsrai ṯerā cẖiṯ na āvai nā▫o. ||4||1||

Seeing these, I might go astray and forget You, and Your Name would not enter into my mind. ||4||1||

You could focus on this shabad which tells us not to watch that which makes us to forget God. Depending on your closeness to God - try starting to spend more time watching religious videos and reading some good books which will divert your attention from your habit.

Think of this - why do you not think twice of watching it with a dastar on when you are now focussing on whether you should go and stop your habit and your dastar is being your focus point. Why do this in the first place with your dastar on?

Think of the time which your habit is wasting - you could be achieving other things in the meantime.

Moreover you may be a good example for others who have this problem - and wear dastar too. Think positively all the time. Don't think twice when going to do something good. Think more than twice before doing something as bad a watching porn.

[Guest 2016]

sikhni777 thank you for the shabad. I do not watch it with my dastar on. But you are right, my will to stop is not stronger enough yet the consequences are enough to derail me from what I should be doing (being more productive spiritually and more materially too).

Part of me wants to stop yet a part of me does not. A lot of the problem is emotional and I am turning to the Pornography to self medicate as they say.

[Guest Jacfsing2]

I'm addicted to Pornography. I have seen a couple of therapists who recommended I go to SAA meetings (Sex Addicts Anonymous). They are very good apparently.

My only problem is I feel funny going wearing a dastar. I feel like it would be bringing shame on Sikhs or religion etc. As we Sikhs are supposed to be spiritual, strong etc. I'd feel quite embarrassed.

Any advice on what to do?

I'm going to assume that odds are you look at porn because your lonely and have nothing else to do. You could find some Sangat of people, (doesn't have to be Sikh sangat; though, still moral). Odds are nobody really cares about you wearing a dastar, it's not the first thing people think about when looking for help.

[Guest 2016]

I'm going to assume that odds are you look at porn because your lonely and have nothing else to do. You could find some Sangat of people, (doesn't have to be Sikh sangat; though, still moral). Odds are nobody really cares about you wearing a dastar, it's not the first thing people think about when looking for help.

Loneliness is a part of my problem yes. I have always found a lack of friendships/relationships to be one of my strong triggers when I get depressed about it. I have made a few friends now but still don't think I've found that 'best friend'. I was a late bloomer socially and only properly came out of my shell after university. By then it was too late to make friends the traditional way i.e. through school, college and uni. I struggled with permanent jobs so didn't make any friends through work. Last few years I have got more social and have made a handful of friends (mainly acquaintances) through hobbies and social clubs.

But loneliness is only one trigger. I've identified other triggers as stress (about my health and wealth), anger, a lack of direction, frustration about not being able to attract the opposite sex and again, frustration about not being able to make meaningful friendships. Then of course there is the kaam element of it but this I believe is only a small part. I actually turn to Porn to distract myself from these other problems and to deal with feelings of entrapment and hopelessness. I know it's not going to help but I always find myself back in the trap.

I have recently started going to the Gurdwara and bathing in Amrit for 40 days (advice from my dad) for my health problems, I am also praying for this addiction to be cast away but I have already slipped up twice with my addiction during this time which makes me feel worse as I'm just throwing back any blessings I am getting.

[sikhni777]

Loneliness is a part of my problem yes.

Loneliness can sometimes be a blessing because it is when you are alone that you can hear Gods voice. So turn it to your advantage by engaging in simran. When there is no interruption, you are able to devote your time and concentrate better.

I have always found a lack of friendships/relationships to be one of my strong triggers when I get depressed about it.

Its all in our thinking. You have a relationship with everyone, even your dad. Its a product of the idle mind. Its your imagination. Simran will help you beat negative thoughts.

I have made a few friends now but still don't think I've found that 'best friend'.

That is because no one in this world can become your best friend. Only God can, if you let him. Satgur is the friend who will stand by you even after death.

This is what your empty soul is telling you to search for. We are all hungry - we constantly need air, water food and attention and most important positive thoughts in order to keep going. That positive thought is the name of God. You get it through simran, sadh sangat, listening shabads and it is the one which gives you peace and satisfaction( after you have eaten it)

All this is from Gurbani. I cannot find the lines, but all this spiritual wisdom has been explained in the Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji.

Finally after gaining your spiritual wisdom, the line below explains how you can trample all the demons which are kam, karodh, lobh moh and ahankaar.

ਦਲਿ ਮਲਿ ਦੈਤਹੁ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਗਿਆਨੁ ॥

दलि मलि दैतहु गुरमुखि गिआनु ॥

Ḏal mal ḏāṯahu gurmukẖ gi▫ān.

The Gurmukh tramples the demons underfoot with his spiritual wisdom.

I actually turn to Porn to distract myself from these other problems and to deal with feelings of entrapment and hopelessness. I know it's not going to help but I always find myself back in the trap.

Turn to Naam to distract yourself and your problem will be solved. Keep turning to naam. Get addicted to reading, hearing and listening to the name of God through apps, videos, going to the guradwara and reading good books.

I am also praying for this addiction to be cast away but I have already slipped up twice with my addiction during this time which makes me feel worse as I'm just throwing back any blessings I am getting.

Focus on the positive. The most important thing is that you have recognised your problem. Give yourself credit for that. Go to the guradwara and dust the shoes of the sangat there. Recite Waheguru in your mind as much as possible when you are there.

Yes having a bath with Amrit is powerful, but you have to drink in the real Amrit too which is the name of God.

Finally keep in mind small steps make great changes. It is walking in the right direction which is the most important. You will surely reach your deestination if you keep walking and also taking care to face the right direction all the time. Half the cure is in knowing and admitting you have a problem.

[Guest Jacfsing2]

Loneliness is a part of my problem yes. I have always found a lack of friendships/relationships to be one of my strong triggers when I get depressed about it. I have made a few friends now but still don't think I've found that 'best friend'. I was a late bloomer socially and only properly came out of my shell after university. By then it was too late to make friends the traditional way i.e. through school, college and uni. I struggled with permanent jobs so didn't make any friends through work. Last few years I have got more social and have made a handful of friends (mainly acquaintances) through hobbies and social clubs.

But loneliness is only one trigger. I've identified other triggers as stress (about my health and wealth), anger, a lack of direction, frustration about not being able to attract the opposite sex and again, frustration about not being able to make meaningful friendships. Then of course there is the kaam element of it but this I believe is only a small part. I actually turn to Porn to distract myself from these other problems and to deal with feelings of entrapment and hopelessness. I know it's not going to help but I always find myself back in the trap.

I have recently started going to the Gurdwara and bathing in Amrit for 40 days (advice from my dad) for my health problems, I am also praying for this addiction to be cast away but I have already slipped up twice with my addiction during this time which makes me feel worse as I'm just throwing back any blessings I am getting.

Have you tried to personally build up your confidence? If Vaheguru doesn't feel like you should be building moh with someone of the opposite sex, it's because he has someone even better for you. Porn addiction actually has very little to do with Kaam, (which you already agree on), do you have any other hobby that you'd prefer to do, is there any skill you want to learn, do you want some more bhagti? Breaking through this addiction is hard, (it has the same effect as cocaine addiction, but worse since cocaine requires you to go somewhere), the best solution is to find something else to do in your spare time. Since you're not very social you could just talk to Vaheguru about your problems, (with true devotion); maybe he'll either take out the problem all together or give guidance so you could fight the addiction. And finally, bathing in holy water, (Amrit*), will benefit; however, you must acknowledge Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Nanak Dev Ji is the cause behind why it's holy, not anything else: so try to live his message after bathing in the holy water, (Amrit*)

[Guest 2016]

sikhni777 thank you.

jacfsing2 thanks. I am very social now that is the point. This is what I get down about. I want friendships etc but I missed the boat in college and uni because I only learned to express myself at the end of uni. Even throughout school and college I wanted friends but because I couldn't express my true personality, I couldn't form long lasting friendships. People were ok with me to begin with but because I was too afraid to be myself (and maybe even didn't know how to be myself), they would get bored and move away. After full time education and as you get older it becomes increasingly difficult to make friends as most people already have their own social circle. I only have 2 or 3 people I am in touch with from uni very infrequently (like literally twice a year if that) through messages, don't even know if you can even call them friends. I have met people through hobbies and social clubs who I am in touch with but even most of them seem to have their own circles or the few that I am in touch with have some of their own issues too (in fact one of my closest mates through this is an actual psychopath and I try not to associate myself with him too much anymore). Makes me even more depressed I can't meet 'normal' people.

I feel I'm a pretty normal guy and if I had the ability to express myself how I do now when I was back in college and uni, I would have been fine now socially wise. I just figured out how to do it too late and that has resulted in a lack of a social circle.

I have a hobby that I have been doing for years and want to try and really make something out of it but i find it difficult to completely immerse myself in it. And that frustration leads to me acting out through porn. I agree, if I can completely immerse myself in something I am passionate about, I will be more emotionally fulfilled and I reckon a big chunk of my urges to act out through Porn will be gone.

I am continuing with the Amrit and I am praying to God when I go to the Gurdwara about this. Maybe he will perform a miracle, I don't know, all I can do is try.

I went to my first SAA meeting today, I did not wear a dastar. But it was insightful. A lot of the people there have been able to stay clear away from porn for years by attending. Maybe that is the way.

[Guest Jacfsing2]

sikhni777 thank you.

jacfsing2 thanks. I am very social now that is the point. This is what I get down about. I want friendships etc but I missed the boat in college and uni because I only learned to express myself at the end of uni. Even throughout school and college I wanted friends but because I couldn't express my true personality, I couldn't form long lasting friendships. People were ok with me to begin with but because I was too afraid to be myself (and maybe even didn't know how to be myself), they would get bored and move away. After full time education and as you get older it becomes increasingly difficult to make friends as most people already have their own social circle. I only have 2 or 3 people I am in touch with from uni very infrequently (like literally twice a year if that) through messages, don't even know if you can even call them friends. I have met people through hobbies and social clubs who I am in touch with but even most of them seem to have their own circles or the few that I am in touch with have some of their own issues too (in fact one of my closest mates through this is an actual psychopath and I try not to associate myself with him too much anymore). Makes me even more depressed I can't meet 'normal' people.

I feel I'm a pretty normal guy and if I had the ability to express myself how I do now when I was back in college and uni, I would have been fine now socially wise. I just figured out how to do it too late and that has resulted in a lack of a social circle.

I have a hobby that I have been doing for years and want to try and really make something out of it but i find it difficult to completely immerse myself in it. And that frustration leads to me acting out through porn. I agree, if I can completely immerse myself in something I am passionate about, I will be more emotionally fulfilled and I reckon a big chunk of my urges to act out through Porn will be gone.

I am continuing with the Amrit and I am praying to God when I go to the Gurdwara about this. Maybe he will perform a miracle, I don't know, all I can do is try.

I went to my first SAA meeting today, I did not wear a dastar. But it was insightful. A lot of the people there have been able to stay clear away from porn for years by attending. Maybe that is the way.

I appreciate I could assist in a little bit? (Hopefully.) I'm going to assume you usually watch porn on your computer or phone, so I'd recommend you try making your phone activities as well as computer activities in a *public setting, (with someone other than yourself doesn't have to be a friend or anything). It's not too late to make some sangat; however, I do understand your solution as it's a bit hard, so instead of trying to make friends try to be close to those who you still associate with, (basic conversations), let other people do most of the talking, (since you believe you're boring). You could get a pet? They can provide loyal support especially when you have nobody with you except Vaheguru Ji. Try being the best you possibly can in your hobby; whatever it is, it's going to be very fulfilling and you can actually have conversations about it. Vaheguru bless you with Amrit bathing, (that's something I really can't help with, sorry). It's nice that you started going to the SSA; however, you've got to be really committed to break the habit. But to finish this off I know masturbation isn't the same problem as porn; however, they are both heavily related so I recommend reading some of what Sangat said here. http://www.sikhsangat.com/index.php?/topic/77288-masturbation/?fromsearch=1 P.S. (*Me not being gupt was very awkward for and I thought I was being gupt, so whenever I speak on Haumai, just know I was lying)*

[singhbj singh]

I would play Devils Advocate here ;-)

There are two sides of every coin, similar to the concept of Khanda - double edged sword.

As we all know "necessity is the mother of invention" so when society became Greedy n Corrupt, people stopped marrying their children in their Late teens.

In order to avoid Chaos (rapes) Porn industry was established.