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Guest AcceptinghisWill

I've been in a situation where I was in almost a similar situation but with ny wife. I spent several years trying to seek signs from Guruji. In the end i just had to go with it and accept his Will. Even now 2 years later i do often think whether Guruji will fix that relationship as I only beleived in anand karaj once and thats it. But seems like there is no clarity, we must move on.

Your going through a difficult time and i admire you commitment to try save it. It sounds like his family and the others have made the decisions for him and hes going with it. It also seems like they were not willing to negotiate further so you had no option. Remember they also have a choice to make it work. Your husband may be heavily influenced by family, thats his karma and that would also cause further unhappiness for you in the future. 

Please look after your own health and sanity. Let it be, and continue to build your own strength and faith. 

It is really tough and the pain will continue for sometime but this is also Gods will. He knows whats best. Please be strong and start thinking to build mental strength.

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58 minutes ago, Guest AcceptinghisWill said:

I've been in a situation where I was in almost a similar situation but with ny wife. I spent several years trying to seek signs from Guruji. In the end i just had to go with it and accept his Will. Even now 2 years later i do often think whether Guruji will fix that relationship as I only beleived in anand karaj once and thats it. But seems like there is no clarity, we must move on.

Your going through a difficult time and i admire you commitment to try save it. It sounds like his family and the others have made the decisions for him and hes going with it. It also seems like they were not willing to negotiate further so you had no option. Remember they also have a choice to make it work. Your husband may be heavily influenced by family, thats his karma and that would also cause further unhappiness for you in the future. 

Please look after your own health and sanity. Let it be, and continue to build your own strength and faith. 

It is really tough and the pain will continue for sometime but this is also Gods will. He knows whats best. Please be strong and start thinking to build mental strength.

Thank u for your reply, it means so much. Are you remarried now? 

My ardas has changed slightly now as I say to maharaj ji that I've got no strength left and am giving my life to you and just as I do that my heart speaks and says nothing is impossible, guru sahib performs miracles when all hope is lost. 

May waheguru ji bring fruit to my faith :(

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Guest Guess

You need to follow hukam
It seems that this marriage is not to be, you did your best no say goodbye and move on.

You seem maybe like an intelligent and faithful lover, a solution would be find another suitable mate how can take you away and carry you forward.

Excess desire of spouse kids etc is moh though and maya so you should desire guru ji/god/soul more than a spouse. There is no rush so take things slow and get other things up the priority this will solve itself for you with possibility of multiple ways. 

Improve yourself in trying to find the route in your everyday problems that pleases everybody. 

Go on a spree of doing good deeds the more you do the better looking you will get and the quicker you will get a husband.

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Guest Accepting his will
On 5/5/2020 at 7:44 AM, Guruguruji said:

Thank u for your reply, it means so much. Are you remarried now? 

My ardas has changed slightly now as I say to maharaj ji that I've got no strength left and am giving my life to you and just as I do that my heart speaks and says nothing is impossible, guru sahib performs miracles when all hope is lost. 

May waheguru ji bring fruit to my faith :(

Thats good to hear about the ardas, ultimately this is your own journey. No one is truely there for you,  Gurbani teaches us that.

Maharaj says eh bhi daat teri dataar.....so in this is also a blessing, while it may not feel so now.

Its really difficult but will get easier. Some family members will understand and support, others wont. 

Whilst you keep faith and hope, be aware you will be unsettled at times as emotions will be very strong. This is normal, however you must get through it otherwise one can feel depression and have poor mental health, so take support of you family and friends.

Mine didnt understand the pain/grief and just tried to push me to remarry again.i knew this isnt the solution for me so did not do this. But as a guy i dont get as much pressure.

Main thing is to be strong and build up the jeevan. You will be ok, it sounds like you have strong faith.

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12 hours ago, Guest Guess said:

You need to follow hukam
It seems that this marriage is not to be, you did your best no say goodbye and move on.

You seem maybe like an intelligent and faithful lover, a solution would be find another suitable mate how can take you away and carry you forward.

Excess desire of spouse kids etc is moh though and maya so you should desire guru ji/god/soul more than a spouse. There is no rush so take things slow and get other things up the priority this will solve itself for you with possibility of multiple ways. 

Improve yourself in trying to find the route in your everyday problems that pleases everybody. 

Go on a spree of doing good deeds the more you do the better looking you will get and the quicker you will get a husband.

Thank u for your reply, I think especially with the carona virus going on, it's allowed me to stay at home and just relax but at the same time I'm so used to staying in I don't really want to go out. 

I've been trying to do more paath and listen to katha. I know from experience that everyone wants to move forward and will expect you to 'get over it'. The only person who is there is waheguru, I know if my husband doesn't change his mind the upcoming time will be very emotional- I just pray that I never forget waheguru jis name because it is only his name that's kept me out of depression so far.

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3 hours ago, Guest Accepting his will said:

Thats good to hear about the ardas, ultimately this is your own journey. No one is truely there for you,  Gurbani teaches us that.

Maharaj says eh bhi daat teri dataar.....so in this is also a blessing, while it may not feel so now.

Its really difficult but will get easier. Some family members will understand and support, others wont. 

Whilst you keep faith and hope, be aware you will be unsettled at times as emotions will be very strong. This is normal, however you must get through it otherwise one can feel depression and have poor mental health, so take support of you family and friends.

Mine didnt understand the pain/grief and just tried to push me to remarry again.i knew this isnt the solution for me so did not do this. But as a guy i dont get as much pressure.

Main thing is to be strong and build up the jeevan. You will be ok, it sounds like you have strong faith.

I'm trying really hard to reduce my thoughts about my husband because the more I think about him the more I die inside thinking about how we got to this situation. I'm really struggling on controlling my angry thoughts towards his family and this is becoming a problem during my meditation. I just feel like because I was always kind and respectful towards them I feel really hurt with the way they treated me. This anger isn't good as it's just angry thoughts which have no impact on them but are burning me inside. 

 I plead to waheguru ji that he fixes our relationship. I know it seems unrealistic and silly but if we had thought about this lock down situation last year we would've thought it was unrealistic and silly too. I just remind myself that if waheguru ji has written him in my kismat no matter what he does we'll end up together similarly if he's not in my kismat no matter what I will do we won't be together. 

I admire you for staying firm with your beliefs, if I did end up divorced (I pray not) I would want to remarry because it's really hard for girls in our Indian society. The problem is finding amritdahri boys who want amritdahri girls is a mission for singles, I don't know how that journey will be for me.

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Guest Reality
On 5/4/2020 at 2:54 AM, Guruguruji said:

I have only been married a few months and my husband suffers anxiety (I didn't know this before marriage) . His family and friends have stirred so much (without me knowing).....

If he doesn’t love you then you can’t force him. Humans are blessed with freedom of choice. You need to repsect his freedom and either fight for him or let him go, not pray to God for him to change his mind. God won’t take away a humans freedom of choice. We dictate our own loves with our choices and decisions and then pay our Karam for our own actions, the Khel is fair. 
 

Therefore, either get up and fight more if you think it will help and worth it or let him go. You can’t force his decision. 

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1 hour ago, Guest Reality said:

If he doesn’t love you then you can’t force him. Humans are blessed with freedom of choice. You need to repsect his freedom and either fight for him or let him go, not pray to God for him to change his mind. God won’t take away a humans freedom of choice. We dictate our own loves with our choices and decisions and then pay our Karam for our own actions, the Khel is fair. 
 

Therefore, either get up and fight more if you think it will help and worth it or let him go. You can’t force his decision. 

You are right, I have been fighting for our relationship as I could've easily just signed off the divorce papers and claimed my gold etc but I truly believe that waheguru ji joins souls together when we have laavan hence it's been almost 6 months of no-contact from his side and I'm still standing for this relationship.

I am praying to waheguru ji because I truly feel that we did not only marry each other but God too, so I'm praying to ask waheguru ji to play his part in our marriage, forgive our previous bad karam. Tbh if a prince was in trouble and didn't ask the king (his father) for help he'd be seen as silly as the king is so powerful he can solve the prince's problems within seconds. 

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2 hours ago, AcceptinghisWill said:

Can your family assist further? Get some mutual people who know both sides and go over to speak to them? 

Theres no winners in divorces. Sadly its become so common. Its so easy to just call for splitting up as opposed to working out the issues. 

 

The vichole have been trying but they've blocked them off, changed their mobile numbers. We even tried contacting his aunties and uncles but they claim to be 'too modern' to get involved. I'm really hurt that not one person has stood up to say it's wrong that it's not only the boy who got married the girl did too therefore she should get an equal say/chance to speak up. This is the truth of our society 😢

I've been spending a long time this morning reflecting and I'm trying to explain to myself that no matter what we do or say or even pray waheguru will do what he wishes. The more I wish, hope for this marriage to work out or even listen to my family saying 'gods made someone better for you' the more I'll struggle because only God knows his plans. 

I've grown up in a gursikh family and I've loved reading saakhis from a young age and I know Guru gobind Singh ji taught us to be thankful in every situation but I've read hundreds of saakhis where guru sahib listens to ardas, the bad karam are boiled down into dreams so the gursikh doesn't have to live through them. These saakhis don't let me lose hope but Im scared incase I lose faith in the saakhis in the end. 

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