Not2Cool2Argue

You seem to put women on a pedastal or believe the myth that women can only be caring and family oriented (as your homemaker comment shows). So consider this ur friendly charitropakhyan teaching of the day: If males are evolutionary handicapped by polygampus nature, females are trapped by their hypergamy nature. Because due to pregnancy and childbirth, females are mostly helpless at these times, they need to have a mate that has the resources, status and strength to protect them during these times. So they may be always looking for the next man who is more powerful, can keep them in more comfort, and in greater style. Also women may also get bored of being at home, and want the thrill of having a new conquest. Some women are taught that attention and beauty is what makes them the best. You think they will put the aside for the thankless job of raising children? No, they will keep doing things to attract attention and flaunt their beauty. Also, statiatics show that more women initiate divorce in marriages where there was no abuse and no problems. The men are shocked when they are abandoned and the women takes their wealth and children and sets up with another man. So marriage and monogamy is great. And the rules and shame against adultery and divorce were also good. It kept both men and women of a loose nature from destroying the lives of their children and their lineages.

Why do u need the mirror to remind you? Your heart does that. Culture, identity should only be within the heart right? Just because we have given up on names, food, language, doesnt mean we've lost our culture or identity...

I wonder what he is talking about. SGGS says so many times Bani is Guru. And how without the satguru there is no path.

The panjabi names of the last century were very short. The deep preet suffixes is recent. Like veer singh. Bir singh. Sobha singh. Gulab kaur, sukha singh etc. In america the trend is towards shorter, original names. The panjabis r going towards muslim sounding names like Waris. Heeya, Noor, tejnoor, While amritdharis are doing the olden names like jassa singh. Sukha singh mehtaab singh for twins. Ishar singh. Akaal kaur. Sujan singh etc

We had an alexa. At first they gave you free my music storage. And we uploaded sukhmani sahib and 5 baniya. But now that feature is gone. So we cant add anything else. You can play itune radio on alexa. And on itune there is akj radio and gurbani share radio that play kirtan 24/7. However when we were young, my mom would always have the 44 banis by jarnail singh on CD playing in the living room on the music players with big speakers. She would start it at 7am at low volume. When we came from school, it would be on bhagat fareedh jis salok. It was a great way to automatically learn abt other banis. And very peaceful. Now we live in a 2 story house so its harder to play something for the whole house. I would like to have sehaj paath. But now on alexa, u cant add anything to your playlists unless u get a subscription to mymusic for $7. Was gonna get it. But u have to play the music from a computer device nearby. Thats useless. Could just use a phone and bluetooth to alexa. On youtube the Mills family , christians have these bible speakers that play the bible all day. They installed them up high in the corners of their house on these small shelves. You could do something similar .

Her actions were good tho. She turned into a blood sucker form to demolish raksh/demons and save the devtai. This one raaksh had the ability to reform from a drop of blood. So she cohldnt let a single drop fall.

You can do that. Just end at the end of an astpadi. Dont end in the middle of an astpadi. (If u have to speak or go check on ur stove, its best to speak at the end of a pauri or astpadi when reading gurbani.) And read the last 2 lines twice and then say fateh.

God provides to all regardless of our belief. He even provides to akirtghan. He wont deny what you deserve due to your karam because of your disbelief or belief in him. Basically he is not petty. He gives to all what they deserve. The most just. But i bet sometimes he forgives even tho they deserve it and shortens the suffering. How bad would we feel if God forgave indira ghandi in her next janam because she begged alot?

Why is that a problem? Wouldnt you want to move to a place with high population of sikhs?

Just list out the pros and cons. Cons 1. You continue in this relationship. Having doubts and anxiety all your life. Not trusting ur wife. Will she stay faithful? She is unwilling to control herself, how long will she refrain from her bad habits of talking to guys. 2. You are wiser now. So if you decide to remarry, you wont be fooled by appearances. You will look at virtues not kakaars that adorn the person. Internal rehit of abstaining from vikaar and pleasures vs external rehit 3. You divorce her and become a tyagi bairagi. Give up on this false world. And lead a life of bhagti and the only reason you work is to support your parents. And once that duty is fulfilled, you give ur life for the panth in a spectacular shaheedi (might i suggest a grandstand against the taliban in afghanistan?) Pros 1. You continue the marriage. Because whats the guarantee ur next wife wont be the same. The only way to know for sure is to date someone for years and live with them beforw marriage. Which is against sikhi. Better the rotten apple you know. Or ur gonna have to marry someone u know from ur close circle or get someone to guarantee (bhar jaman) abt her lifestyle and ethics. 3. We are all human. Someday you may also fall off the wagon. Or get bored and want to experience life on cruises, attend relatives parties (without alcohol ofc) own a liquor store, small lapses in rehit. Which a strict amritdhari wont overlook. Atleast she wont judge you 4. You get serious about this relationship. Which means being honest that you cant trust her. Ur disgusted. And wearing a dumala while listening to bad panjabi songs and talking to guys is wrong. (Perhaps have her transition to s wearing a patka under chunni over ladybun?) That she has to be honest about her intentions towards you and sikhi. Cant continue to use both to hide her bad karam. Either her kartoota change or her deceitful appearance and marriage. Tell her, if she cant change to accommodate the vows she made to you and sikhi, then you cant change for her either. She has to adapt or go. 5. Be forgiving. Maya is strong after all. And kaam the strongest. In youth most fall prey to it. Continue with ir own jeevan. After all, noone minds if other family members aren't into sikhi. Like parents, siblings etc. So if wife isnt, oh well. Its just another relative. And in the end we go alone and alone do we save ourselves. Wives, sisters, brothers, are all our relations due to karma debt. It would be nice to have a spiritually stronger spouse who can help us on the path and walk besides us. But dreams rarely come true. And you can take ur role of being the spiritually stronger person in the household more gladly. You can raise you children better. (Although having one lenient parent always affects the kids. But atleast that will make them balanced kids. Not overly spiritual and naive. And they wont be fooled into thinking outer appearance = level of sikhi. ) 7. As a divorcee ur value on the marriage market will drop. Unless u go to india to get an even more materialistic and morally corrupt wife. Or u might settle with another pragmatic divorcee who also knows to judge a spouse on virtue and needs total honesty before jumping in with both feet again.

Same thing when dhadrianwala visited california. It was the biggest diwaan ever. People came from hours away and from all the different Gurudware. Had to have the diwaan outdoors with panjab style bhandal/tents. It was very exciting and uniting. His katha/kirtsn was emotional and not that bad. Well dhadrianwala always had issues with his colorful chole and women bowing down to him. In fact his colorful dastaars started his downfall with the back n forth with dhumma. I mean to be attacked by your own fellow sikhs would make anyone question their loyalty and faith. We did ask him how he became a parchaarik. He said he was a sickly child who was left at sant ishar singh jis diwaan. (If my memory is intact) And so he was raised in this parchaarik lifestyle. Also fame + youth is never a good combo. And there is an element of the occult in even sikh deras. Lots of people use gurbani to get occult powers and worldy wishes. There was a case of a baba running off with someones wife in CA. And the wife was in some kind of mental fog/ not right mind. I have even heard among parchariks that do this much kamaii in order to become famous. Thats not necessarily bad but then these ppl who did bhagti to become famous and gain followers, dont really have the wisdom or tyaag to handle the riches and fame. Also ive noticed what is happening in society also effects us sikhs. So like the vatican has the pink lobby made up of the gay people in the priesthood. I hope this was it for sikhs and hopefully its been nipped in the bud. And the LGBTQ and pedophilia hasnt gained ground in the deras like it has in the catholic church.

Sukhmani sahib

I agree. And as most sikhs had arranged marriages in the past. One can not say they got married due to lust. And even now, most orthodox sikhs continue to practice arranged marriages. So no Sikh was choosing their partner or using desire to do so. Therefore, gay sikhs have no right to anand karaj. But they are welcome as celibates or family men in sikhi. Which are the only 2 choices available to other sikhs as well.

Its a good base. But if u want a flatter/rounder base. Use the kapra while doing ur joora. You wrap around the cloth around ur open hair, twist and then make the joora by just going around a few times. You dont do a knot. On youtube you can see many videos of nihangs doing their big dastaars. Watch them to see how they do their base. You dont have to do the rest like theirs. Just see how they do their base.

How about: Sikhi does have alot of similarities with Hinduism and it's still independent of Hinduism however its not an issue as we can explain why the similarities exist The gurus were trying to create spiritual beings that can exist in any country and timefeame and not necessarily a ethnic political nation with laws like how in Islam sharia and arabic culture are so important. So the Gurus did not reject anything in the culture of india unless it was illogical or false. And lots of illogical and false things were rejected. But if some things were truth or in line with truth, Sikhi which is the truth would of course be similar to those things. Thats why alot of people get confused and say sikhi is like hinduism, islam and christianity. Which is weird because they contradict each other. The reality is that as God kept sending prophets, some of the truth remained in these other religions and matched with the Truth when it was revealed. About the cow thing. We respect the cow as every other animal and usually sikhs refrain from eating animals. However, if sikhs do have to eat meat in times of war etc, they refrain from eating cow meat. And the reason is because milk is important to a vegetarian diet. B12 can only come from animal products so if someone was vegetarian, they still need milk to survive. But if that milk comes from butchered and maltreated cows as per laws of karma, you would be responsible for the butchering and maltreatment. Therefore, in ancient india, as the only domesticated animal, the welfare of cows was the dharma/ the duty of every human. Because we raise cows to give us milk, we are responsible for them. Even today, vegans have given up dairy products because eating dairy in the West means raising cows for the meat industry. So even though milk isnt meat, vegans had to give it up. Therefore sikhs dont kill cows. But we dont worship them. And have you heard of all the things the sikh gurus denounced in hinduism? So what if a few similarities remain? So what if our style of singing is the same? Sikh people have now started doing kirtan on guitars, violins, does that make them christian now? So what if we started using the harmonium in the 1900s just like all of india? Before that we used the rebab and other persian instruments.

Try not to talk to him about sikhi. Go to the gurudwara by yourself and you wont have to listen to his negativity. I think he feels pressured and he knows he is in the wrong which makes him defensive and lash out So when with him, talk and do worldly things. And then go by yourself to do sikhi things like amritvela, nitnem, rehraas sahib. Dont let him stop you from doing sikh things, just say i dont stop you from wasting time on____. But wearing a dastaar and taking amrit are decisions you will have to take together. As even the panj pyare dont let you take amrit without spouse. And you shouldnt wear a dastaar without amrit. Many women have been in your shoes. During the Gurus time, there was a queen who used to go at Amritvela to satsang. Her husband did not allow it. Once the King followed her and stole her sandals as proof of her disobedience. But she was saved from trouble and they both became sikhs. Some women were married into non sikh families. They had a really tough time. But they kept faith and were blessed in the end. Keep your faith and stay strong and keep doing ardaas.

You are right. This is internal rehit. Where one controls thoughts and vikaars. This is very important on the spiritual path. But there is also external rehit. And there is also the worldly path. As sikhs we are meant to be successful in both. You cant tell spiritual beginners, that nothing matters. Everything and Everyone is one. It will not enlighten them but leave them lost and defenseless against maya and the predatory ppl. This is what the west is doing, telling kids there is no gender, its all a man made construct. This leaves kids lost and confused. Money is also a man made concept. But very real and important. Once kids understand gender, money and how it works in the world. Only then can you explain its real value is nothing and how ephemeral it is. Similarily, external rehit is important. It helps with the internal rehit esp in the beginning when the internal rehit is weak. The states you are talking about are goal posts where we hope to be someday. Seeing everyone as brother, sisters, seeing the one in all. They are not the beginning. Of course we should strive for that, but we will fail many times. Many sakhis illustrate that the gurus encouraged external rehit even in spiritually advanced people. 1. Baba Budha ji had reached brahmgian and sikhs complained that baba budha ji no longer came to the river to do ishnaan. Guruji showed the sikhs that ganga itself came to bathe babaji. But still guruji told babaji that he should still go to the river to fo ishnaan. even though he did not need it, rehit was important to keep up. So as to not discourage other sikhs on the paath and to follow the gurus hukum. 2. The third guru had outlawed veils for woman. And stated all women must uncover their face when doing darshan. Some princess did not follow this rule and she faced dire consequences. (From what i remember she went crazy). So you see the Guru did care about personal appearances. And telling women not to wear a veil was huge as it was common in hindus and muslims. Lest you think this supports your view: 3. When Mata Bhago reached brahm gian, she woukd wear a kasher and nothing else. Guru ji also commanded her to cover herself, even though she was beyond the body and had no care of it. Guruji said its important to cover up. Also, while we control our lust, evolve our psychology and move forward, its important to get young people to ask themselves why they are following harmful societal trends. Why they think dressing inappropriately is important to them, what motivated them? Because we have a duty to not only our soul, but to the panth as well. To help it stay niara (unique) from society and in chardi kaka ( uplifted from the maladies that affect normal society)

If you could also find out what we need to prepare to survive those bad times? Furnaces, water pumps, generators, cows, farms, canned food,Medicines?

Because, you need confidence and leadership skills to lead a sikh society. And these girls who have the confidence to wear revealing clothes have the confidence to be leaders. Most conservative girls are shy and have been taught not to push themselves forward. Also, most amritdhari sikhs live sikhi, so dont need to go learn it from college kids, so they dont join these societies. And they are taught to go to college to learn not to join clubs shlubs Finally, due to grooming issues and the lack of english parchaar (as highlighted by BoS) sikhs are trying to involve the regular panjabis and sikhs. And the only way to do that is make the sikh societies fun and secular. Its a divide thats getting bigger, the panjabis with their bhangra and the sikhs with kirtan/paath dont mesh too well. And when amritdharis fight the panjabis for leadership and win, ppl say it0s become more boring now

Im honored to be in the sangat of true sangat. But kicking someone down when they already down isnt wise.

Nope. GUEST Advice is free was me. I was on a different computer so didnt want to bother loggin in. I feel sorry for the OP. You ppl r so harsh. I cant call you guys sangat, just society. Harsh and judgemental.

An easy solution: Tell ur parents about ur bf and the abortion and they will gladly marry you off to ur bf. You no longer qualify for an arranged marriage so hopefully ur parents will see that and five blessing to ur marriage qith the mona bf. They might yell at u first which they have a right to do.

I think its great that ur asking for advice and looking for support. You havent given up thats good. Like you said, you have the job to look forward to. Secure the december one. And see if you can apply to more jobs. And hopefully you can be independent one day. Dont let the location of jobs being too far from your parents hinder you. As soon they will start saying you have to think of your future, we cant support you forever, you should remarry. And if you are independent, have multiple jobs or one well paying job, have an apartment and keep busy, this time the decision to marry will be yours. And you wont be talked into it by your parents.

The following is my personal opinion. Not based on any maryada, granth or samprada: Gurbani will always be enough. But some people to help control their mind will use other sciences/disciplines. For example if a study came out saying aromatherapy was really good for your health and mental wellbeing, I am sure some sikhs will start doing nitnem with essence of eucalyptus wafting in the room. Similarily, during the time of hardships, fighting the mughal empire, sikhs should try to use anything that would give them an edge over the mughals. Anything that woukd help them improve. Nihangs and sikhs were surrounded by the yogic sciences/disciplines. Like ayurveda saying bhang keeps a person cool in the summer heats and battlefield. Havans help concentrate the power of a mantar 10 fold as the mind wonders less if it can stare at the fire. Also did the Gurus want us to stop these havan etc rituals because 1. They didnt work or 2. They did work but were being misused or 3. They trapped people in the superficial not allowing them to go beyond rituals into self reflection? Or 4. These rituals were used to worship entities other than Akal purukh. If its 2,3, or 4. Easily fixed with gurbani and vichaar. If its 1, then we gots to elevate sikhs slowly but surely. So lets not be like the muslims, this is an idol lets smash it. Its forbidden. Even if its 1000s of years old. Its too dangerous. Some uneducated villagers might be influenced to adopt it as a ritual. And think its part of the religion. Lets codemn it strongly. These ppl are heretics whoever engage in it. People used to say sikhi is against yoga. It is against using yoga to unite with God (as a spiritual practice) but not as an exercise regime.

Why not? What would make it impossible?