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Sikh/white Couple


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I joined this message board this evening in search of some hope I guess.

My name is Janet, I'm from Australia, 23 years old.

I am very much inlove with a (non-baptised) Sikh/Punjabi boy who has grown up in Canada.

I met him whilst he was in my country at uni as an international student. We became friends, even attempting to hide our mutual attraction due to obvious differences.

But, perhaps due to our young willingness to give into temptation, we ended up in a very intense and loving relationship within 2 months. From the moment that we agreed to 'give it a try' we could not be separated.

It wasn't always perfect - we definitely had our arguments, which were often very intense and passionate, but it never took us long to make up, and I can't remember a moment when there was deep concern that we wouldn't get through it.

A month before he returned to Canada he proposed to me. I obviously accepted, and although his parents had not seemed to want to acknowledge my existence we assumed everything would be ok when they saw how committed we are to eachother.

Unfortunately this is not the case. They have given him an ultimatum which states that if he is with me they will not be a part of his life, that he has brought them shame and he will be dead to them.

Through a very long month of struggle and tears he has finally told me that he cannot leave his parents. His family values are too strong, and even though I am completely prepared to convert to a Punjabi lifestyle they will never accept me, and he could not bare to see that happen.

I feel asthough I have lost everything. I understand there are certain perceptions that come with western culture, and in particular, western women. But stereotypes do not always serve a truthful purpose and I do believe I hold the qualities which he desires in a wife.

Is there anyway out of this situation? My world is crumbling right now. I feel I am nothing without him.

I would appreciate any feedback.

Thank you.

Janet

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Sorry to hear about that.

This is more a cultural issue rather than a Sikh issue. There is nothing in the Sikh faith preventing such marriages.

Some people are very backward in terms of their outlook on life. Its sound as if his parents fall into this category.

I have a few relatives who have been married to Anglo Saxon women for as long as I can remember and they are very happy.

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waheguru ji kekhalsa, waheguru ji ke fateh,

Pyare jio, sister Janet.

I think you will find it more helpful to speak to people from Sikhnet. I personally have never used their facilty. But many of them are western people who have converted into sikhs. They have much more experience of adapting from one culture to another.

Plus I do think you may need to speak to someone one to one. Many people can give you advice here, but unless a person is fully aware of everything, it is hard to know if what we say is helpful or not.

waheguru ji kekhalsa, waheguru ji ke fateh

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Although a Sikh should marry a Sikh (regardless of background/"race"), the fact that the man you are involved with isn't initiated and you are willing to learn more about and perhaps adopt the Sikh path does change things. I think it would have been up to the discretion of both parties here what they wanted to do.

The man you are involved with had a very difficult choice and it seems he has made it. If he feels as strongly for you as you feel for him, then perhaps he will change his mind. But ask yourself whether you really would want to be with someone who chose his parents over you anyways. In any future conflicts, he may feel he needs to pick his parents position over yours again and this would obviously cause hurt feelings and marital conflict.

"Love" is a funny thing. Our Gurus have taught us that worldly love is very deceiving. Attachment often masks itself as love. It's not so much about how we feel about the other person, but how that person makes us feel and what that person can do for us (either emotionally, financially or even physically). Please don't see this as an attempt to trivialise what you feel. My point is that true love is unconditional. It is independent of feelings. This true love is only born by recognising that the light within me is the same light within you and within all of creation. Although it's likely you're in no mood to read this, I find the 9th Guru's words to put things in perspective: http://www.sikhitothemax.com/page.asp?ShabadID=2405

So besides all this abstract stuff you're probably wondering if I have any concrete advice. I would say all you can do now is move on. If he changes his mind, you'll have to consider whether you want to go forward or not, but otherwise move on. I know this is hard for you to believe, and I know when I've spoken to others in your position they havent' been able to see it, but your heart will recover. Time does heal all wounds. Worldly love is like a drug. It impairs your perspective. Right now it may seem like the world is coming to an end. You may feel that you'll never find anyone like him again. No one will understand you like he did. That's probably not the case. With time you'll be able to see that. Countless times people in the past have been in similar situations to yours and they have recovered.

Finally I would say, trust in God. I'm not sure what you believe in. I think it would have been an "iffy" decision if you would have become a Sikh for somone else, but I would encourage you to read some verses from Guru Granth Sahib. Its message is universal and speaks to all hearts (no, I'm not trying or going to try to convert you). God has a plan for you. If you are to be married, that union has been pre-ordained. You don't need to worry or feel anxiety. You are in good hands and whatever is happening is happening for the best.

I hope you feel better and if there is anything at all we can do (of course in our limited means online), please feel free to ask.

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Thank you for your response. But I am looking for a culturally particular perception. This is not about adapting - I dont think I would have a problem with that. It's about being given the chance to adapt.

I would like to speak one-on-one with someone that has knowledge from personal experience, i.e., grown up in this environment.

Unfortunately, I do not know anyone of this culture except the boy I am refering to, which is why I am searching elsewhere.

If anyone does wish to express their opinion, by pm would be prefered.

Thanks

waheguru ji kekhalsa, waheguru ji ke fateh,

Pyare jio, sister Janet.

I think you will find it more helpful to speak to people from Sikhnet. I personally have never used their facilty. But many of them are western people who have converted into sikhs. They have much more experience of adapting from one culture to another.

Plus I do think you may need to speak to someone one to one. Many people can give you advice here, but unless a person is fully aware of everything, it is hard to know if what we say is helpful or not.

waheguru ji kekhalsa, waheguru ji ke fateh

146356[/snapback]

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WGJKK

WGJKF

Janet, Please speak to Gurumustuk Singh Khalsa, he could be contacted at by visiting http://www.mrsikhnet.com/ and go to contact him link and you may explain as I think he is the best resource in western culture and more closel associated with SIKH religion. He is actively involved in sikhie.

I have faith in him as he is white and converted sikh which can help you to pass the message across.

I'll pray to AkalPurkh waheguru to bless you your love and please do not lose faith when praying to Waheguru.

Bless you!!!!!!!!!

WGJKK

WGJKF

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DnwsrI mhlw 5 ]

dhunaasuree mehulaa 5

Dhanaasaree, Fifth Mehl:

vfy vfy rwjn Aru BUmn qw kI iqRsn n bUJI ]

vuddae vuddae raajun ar bhoomun thaa kee thrisun n boojhee

The desires of the greatest of the great kings and landlords cannot be satisfied.

lpit rhy mwieAw rMg mwqy locn kCU n sUJI ]1]

lupatt rehae maaeiaa rung maathae lochun kushoo n soojhee

They remain engrossed in Maya, intoxicated with the pleasures of their wealth; their eyes see nothing else at all. ||1||

ibiKAw mih ikn hI iqRpiq n pweI ]

bikhiaa mehi kin hee thripath n paaee

No one has ever found satisfaction in sin and corruption.

ijau pwvku eIDin nhI DRwpY ibnu hir khw AGweI ] rhwau ]

jio paavuk eedhan nehee dhraapai bin har kehaa aghaaee

The flame is not satisfied by more fuel; how can one be satisfied without the Lord? ||Pause||

idnu idnu krq Bojn bhu ibMjn qw kI imtY n BUKw ]

dhin dhin kuruth bhojun buhu binjun thaa kee mittai n bhookhaa

Day after day, he eats his meals with many different foods, but his hunger is not eradicated.

audmu krY suAwn kI inAweI cwry kuMtw GoKw ]2]

oudhum kurai suaan kee niaaee chaarae kunttaa ghokhaa

He runs around like a dog, searching in the four directions. ||2||

kwmvMq kwmI bhu nwrI pr igRh joh n cUkY ]

kaamuvunth kaamee buhu naaree pur grih joh n chookai

The lustful, lecherous man desires many women, and he never stops peeking into the homes of others.

idn pRiq krY krY pCuqwpY sog loB mih sUkY ]3]

dhin prath kurai kurai pushuthaapai sog lobh mehi sookai

Day after day, he commits adultery again and again, and then he regrets his actions; he wastes away in misery and greed. ||3||

hir hir nwmu Apwr Amolw AMimRqu eyku inDwnw ]

har har naam apaar amolaa anmrith eaek nidhaanaa

The Name of the Lord, Har, Har, is incomparable and priceless; it is the treasure of Ambrosial Nectar.

sUKu shju Awnµdu sMqn kY nwnk gur qy jwnw ]4]6]

sookh sehuj aanundh sunthun kai naanuk gur thae jaanaa

The Saints abide in peace, poise and bliss; O Nanak, through the Guru, this is known. ||4||6||

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DnwsrI mhlw 5 ]

dhunaasuree mehulaa 5

Dhanaasaree, Fifth Mehl:

vfy vfy rwjn Aru BUmn qw kI iqRsn n bUJI ]

vuddae vuddae raajun ar bhoomun thaa kee thrisun n boojhee

The desires of the greatest of the great kings and landlords cannot be satisfied.

lpit rhy mwieAw rMg mwqy locn kCU n sUJI ]1]

lupatt rehae maaeiaa rung maathae lochun kushoo n soojhee

They remain engrossed in Maya, intoxicated with the pleasures of their wealth; their eyes see nothing else at all. ||1||

ibiKAw mih ikn hI iqRpiq n pweI ]

bikhiaa mehi kin hee thripath n paaee

No one has ever found satisfaction in sin and corruption.

ijau pwvku eIDin nhI DRwpY ibnu hir khw AGweI ] rhwau ]

jio paavuk eedhan nehee dhraapai bin har kehaa aghaaee

The flame is not satisfied by more fuel; how can one be satisfied without the Lord? ||Pause||

idnu idnu krq Bojn bhu ibMjn qw kI imtY n BUKw ]

dhin dhin kuruth bhojun buhu binjun thaa kee mittai n bhookhaa

Day after day, he eats his meals with many different foods, but his hunger is not eradicated.

audmu krY suAwn kI inAweI cwry kuMtw GoKw ]2]

oudhum kurai suaan kee niaaee chaarae kunttaa ghokhaa

He runs around like a dog, searching in the four directions. ||2||

kwmvMq kwmI bhu nwrI pr igRh joh n cUkY ]

kaamuvunth kaamee buhu naaree pur grih joh n chookai

The lustful, lecherous man desires many women, and he never stops peeking into the homes of others.

idn pRiq krY krY pCuqwpY sog loB mih sUkY ]3]

dhin prath kurai kurai pushuthaapai sog lobh mehi sookai

Day after day, he commits adultery again and again, and then he regrets his actions; he wastes away in misery and greed. ||3||

hir hir nwmu Apwr Amolw AMimRqu eyku inDwnw ]

har har naam apaar amolaa anmrith eaek nidhaanaa

The Name of the Lord, Har, Har, is incomparable and priceless; it is the treasure of Ambrosial Nectar.

sUKu shju Awnµdu sMqn kY nwnk gur qy jwnw ]4]6]

sookh sehuj aanundh sunthun kai naanuk gur thae jaanaa

The Saints abide in peace, poise and bliss; O Nanak, through the Guru, this is known. ||4||6||

146398[/snapback]

veer what is the purpose of this quote? Are you implying that the man she loves is a adultere or full of Lust?

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