Asian & White Is It Right?

[Asian&whiteisitright]

Hi! I have a similar query to Janet, who has posted about her Asian patner leaving her to make his family happy, but unlike her I am not that far down the line yet (his parents have not asked him too choose) I have been with my patner 23/asian/male (born in England) for a year, we have recently got engaged and are facing all sorts of cultural (but non religious) issues.

The main problem is we don't know who to talk too. He is affraid to tell his parents and although they are aware that I exist they believe that he is not yet at the right age for marrige and are not too worried (I didn't think sikh's had arranged marriges? but in his family they do) So that's where we are at. We are looking for guidance really views and opinions about what to do. I have posted in lots of forums so far but we REALLY need help.

I know alot about my partners religion sometimes more than he does, he is much more effected by the cultural issue of the white asian thing.

I know that on page 142 of SGGS it states

jaanai so-ee sijhsee.

One who recognizes that all spiritual paths lead to the One shall be emancipated.

Does this mean that he can still follow his religion even though he is having a relationship with a white non sikh girl?

Does it pose problems r.e marrige?

Should I continue to eat beef although by your religion it is considered a sin?

His family have their own rules as well, they do not smoke, eat meat or drink on a tuesday or sunday (all of which he does on the other days of the week) should I follow this?

What are the implications if i dont?

Also if you could explain anything about general sikhism or culture of your race :-)

We are so confused and there is nobody around us who can offer guidance, do you have anything that can help us. PLEASE if you can find the time offer suggestions or views I would be so grateful.

Thank you so much and may you always be happy in whatever you do in life.

[anjaan]

Your partner seems to be more into the Punjabi culture than into the whole Sikh thing, Sikhism is a way of life, it’s not just a religion we follow on the weekend or on specific days of the week as you have mentioned above about the no meat/alcohol/tobacco thing on Tuesdays or Sundays – there is no logic behind this (blind rituals) and if you consume these products the other days of the week then there is no reason you shouldn’t do so on Tuesday and Sunday also; though I would like to note that these products are forbidden from consumption in Sikhism altogether. As for your beef thing – to Sikhs beef is no more ‘holy’ than pork or chicken or whatever so if you are happy with eating beef and it is not against YOUR own religion then you are fine to carry on eating it.

Also as your partner is not a Khalsa Sikh i.e. he has not been initiated (form of baptism) it should not really be an issue then that he marries a non – Sikh; however again this is all to do with how much he wants Sikhism to be a part of him;

The Sikh wedding ceremony is called Anand Karaj and can literally be translated to mean the ceremony of bliss; it’s about the coming together of two souls into one and then your relationship as one with God, Guru Amar Dass ji (our 4th Guru Sahib) wrote

They are not said to be husband and wife, who merely sit together. Rather they alone are called husband and wife, who have one soul in two bodies." According to the Sikh code of conduct the couple both need to profess the Sikh faith to be married by the Anand Karaj ceremony (please someone correct me if I am wrong) though I guess it does make sense because why would you par take in a ceremony that had no meaning to you or one that you had no belief in yourself.

Sikhism does not state that inter-race marriages cannot take place; so there should be no problems with regards to the fact you are White (but there may be issues with you not being Sikh); any opposition you do face will be mainly because his family/his friends/society are still holding on tight to deeply imbedded unwritten rules that have stemmed from being part of the Punjabi/Indian culture rather than from being Sikhs.

Also you should think about the long term implications on married life with regards to children etc; how would you bring them up? According to who’s beliefs? Yours or his? Can you compromise? What if one parent says yes to one thing but the other says no – your kids will be very confused!

By all means learn about Sikhism; if you feel you can/would want to live as a Sikh then you are more than welcome to but don’t convert just because your partner is a Sikh, it should be generally out of love, from your heart and not just as a formal practicality for your partner and his family.

Hope that helped somewhat.

[guruvah]

From what You have said, I come to the conclusion that the person you are in love with is a typical punjabi(not a Sikh).A Sikh can only be called a Sikh when he/she take Khande ke Pahul given by Panj Piarey(five beloved ones) and keeps Rehit(Sikh code conduct).

IN Sikhisnm a sikh can only marry a Sikh.It doesn't matter what skin colour or race they some from, as long as both are Amritdharee Gursikhs who keep their rehit.

In your case, it is more of a cultural diffrence problem.In Sikhism any KIND of meat is not allowed, not just beef(this is more of a brahmin ideology), all animals have a soul within them.

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His family have their own rules as well, they do not smoke, eat meat or drink on a tuesday or sunday (all of which he does on the other days of the week) should I follow this?

......................................................................................

This is actually a hinduism belief.I know Hindus don't eat meat on certain days.This is not a Sikh practice at all.

Sikhism is a way of life, where your ultimate goal is to "see God, to realize God, and to be one with God".It has nothing to do with Punjabi culture.

[randip singh]

Hi! I have a similar query to Janet, who has posted about her Asian patner leaving her to make his family happy, but unlike her I am not that far down the line yet (his parents have not asked him too choose) I have been with my patner 23/asian/male (born in England) for a year, we have recently got engaged and are facing all sorts of cultural (but non religious) issues.

The main problem is we don't know who to talk too. He is affraid to tell his parents and although they are aware that I exist they believe that he is not yet at the right age for marrige and are not too worried (I didn't think sikh's had arranged marriges? but in his family they do) So that's where we are at. We are looking for guidance really views and opinions about what to do. I have posted in lots of forums so far but we REALLY need help.

I know alot about my partners religion sometimes more than he does, he is much more effected by the cultural issue of the white asian thing.

I know that on page 142 of SGGS it states

jaanai so-ee sijhsee.

One who recognizes that all spiritual paths lead to the One shall be emancipated.

Does this mean that he can still follow his religion even though he is having a relationship with a white non sikh girl?

Does it pose problems r.e marrige?

Should I continue to eat beef although by your religion it is considered a sin?

His family have their own rules as well, they do not smoke, eat meat or drink on a tuesday or sunday (all of which he does on the other days of the week) should I follow this?

What are the implications if i dont?

Also if you could explain anything about general sikhism or culture of your race :-)

We are so confused and there is nobody around us who can offer guidance, do you have anything that can help us. PLEASE if you can find the time offer suggestions or views I would be so grateful.

Thank you so much and may you always be happy in whatever you do in life.

146961[/snapback]

I agree with the above posts and say that this giving up of certain foods for certain days is a Punjabi trait and not a Sikh one.

The Beef thing is a hindu thing and nothing to do with Sikhs.

As for your relationship, if it is based on true love and not lust (Kaam) then Sikhism has nothing bad to say about it. :TH:

If you are really interested in the true way of a Sikh then I suggest you read some books on Sikhism, about our culture and History.

A History of The Sikh People is a good one and The Sikhs by Patwant Singh.

[advice1]

I agree with what everyone has said. This is a situation invovling a Punjabi not so much a Sikh.

Punjabi culture is quite different than Sikh. Whereas in Sikhism there is no bar based on background, "race" or class, Punjabi culture is quite the opposite. Background and race do make a difference to Punjabi parents. It of course depends on the individual parents, but some may have a very big problem with it while others not so much.

As for Sikhism: unfortunately the translation you read of the line on ang 142 is WAY off. The line refers to two paths of Naam and Maya and the spiritual speaker who picks the one of Naam being emancipated (Dr. Sahib Singh translation). If someone is a dedicated Sikh (your boyfriend doesn't seem to be one), it is necessary for them to find a spiritual partner who shares this journey and shares their Sikhi.

So while the cultural issues are probably problematic here, I don't think the religion aspect is very crucial. As you said, it's likely if you did some reading you may know more about Sikhism than him. I would encourage you to read translations of Sri Guru Granth Sahib of course and ask any questions you have on this message board.

So it seems the question really is whether his parents will have a problem with you or not. Their view of things won't be guided by religion so much as it will be by Punjabi culture.