Grievance

[WGJKKWGJKF]

WAHEGURU JI KA KHALSA WAHEGURU JI KI FATEH

Penji, stay strong and keep faith in Waheguru.

Penji try to keep on sharing your emotions and how you feel with someone... if you share you will feel slightly lighter. And if ever you feel sad or emotional and you need to share someone, share with the sangat if you want, we will always be here for you. But penji please dont keep it bottled up inside of you... it will make it harder to move on.

It might be an idea to keep on listening to Gurbani more often... i know it will be hard... but just keep faith in Waheguru... this will also allow your emotions to come through... and penji try to let your feelings come out... and dont hold them back... this will allow you to move forward in life. Recite and keep on listening to Gurbani, it will give you more hope and comfort and God willing you will drown in so much love from listening to Gurbani... that you won't be able to distinguish between pain and happyness (you will know when this happens... the everlasting thirst of wanting to listening to Gurbani will keep on coming into you and no mater how much you listen, it wont be enough).

And try to celebrate your paaji's life and remember the good memories, and try to accept God's will... God's will is always sweet... try to think of it as your paaji is closer to Waheguru... what can be better than that?

Penji just remember you will get through this... and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel... and if you can pm if you want to if you just want to share you emotions, we will always be here for you.

Please forgive me for any mistakes as im only 16 so i might of said summet stupid.

WAHEGURU JI KA KHALSA WAHEGURU JI KI FATEH

[P Singh16]

vaheguru..

rwmklI mhlw 5 ]

raamakalee mehalaa 5 ||

Raamkalee, Fifth Mehl:

pvnY mih pvnu smwieAw ]

pavanai mehi pavan samaaeiaa ||

The wind merges into the wind.

joqI mih joiq ril jwieAw ]

jothee mehi joth ral jaaeiaa ||

The light blends into the light.

mwtI mwtI hoeI eyk ]

maattee maattee hoee eaek ||

The dust becomes one with the dust.

rovnhwry kI kvn tyk ]1]

rovanehaarae kee kavan ttaek ||1||

What support is there for the one who is lamenting? ||1||

kaunu mUAw ry kaunu mUAw ]

koun mooaa rae koun mooaa ||

Who has died? O, who has died?

bRhm igAwnI imil krhu bIcwrw iehu qau clqu BieAw ]1] rhwau ]

breham giaanee mil karahu beechaaraa eihu tho chalath bhaeiaa ||1|| rehaao ||

O God-realized beings, meet together and consider this. What a wondrous thing has happened! ||1||Pause||

AglI ikCu Kbir n pweI ]

agalee kishh khabar n paaee ||

No one knows what happens after death.

rovnhwru iB aUiT isDweI ]

rovanehaar bh oot(h) sidhhaaee ||

The one who is lamenting will also arise and depart.

Brm moh ky bWDy bMD ]

bharam moh kae baa(n)dhhae ba(n)dhh ||

Mortal beings are bound by the bonds of doubt and attachment.

supnu BieAw BKlwey AMD ]2]

supan bhaeiaa bhakhalaaeae a(n)dhh ||2||

When life becomes a dream, the blind man babbles and grieves in vain. ||2||

iehu qau rcnu ricAw krqwir ]

eihu tho rachan rachiaa karathaar ||

The Creator Lord created this creation.

Awvq jwvq hukim Apwir ]

aavath jaavath hukam apaar ||

It comes and goes, subject to the Will of the Infinite Lord.

nh ko mUAw n mrxY jogu ]

neh ko mooaa n maranai jog ||

No one dies; no one is capable of dying.

nh ibnsY AibnwsI hogu ]3]

neh binasai abinaasee hog ||3||

The soul does not perish; it is imperishable. ||3||

jo iehu jwxhu so iehu nwih ]

jo eihu jaanahu so eihu naahi ||

That which is known, does not exist.

jwnxhwry kau bil jwau ]

jaananehaarae ko bal jaao ||

I am a sacrifice to the one who knows this.

khu nwnk guir Brmu cukwieAw ]

kahu naanak gur bharam chukaaeiaa ||

Says Nanak, the Guru has dispelled my doubt.

nw koeI mrY n AwvY jwieAw ]4]10]

naa koee marai n aavai jaaeiaa ||4||10||

No one dies; no one comes or goes. ||4||10||

[Surd_r_cute]

Your brother died, at 32 still very young , sad.

Why it happened to you ?

you will never will get answer why. It was his hukum, life will go on . People will tell you it is natural for you to feel sad and sorry for your brother was young . They will tell you are justified feeling all this sadness.

When my grandfather died i.e. my nanaji my mother became very sad . Very upset , she felt she had this right to mourn and feel sad as her father had died. She would remember him like you remember your brother. She went into sever depression; my dad took her from one doctor to another. My sis and I were young, we got neglected.

What I learnt from this?

What ever happens is as result of his hukum .

Kiv sachiaaraa hoeeai kiv kooRai tuTai paal||

Hukam rajhaaee chalNaa naanak likhiaa naal|

Whatever happens in life is because of his hukum.

Don’t feel that something wrong has happened to you or your family . Coz no one can do you wrong.

Emotions are like quicksand, more you will mess with them, more memories you think about more you will sink in them. Instead of remembering about all the good times you had with your brother do simran , say waheguru everytime your mind wanders .

They say when a human dies, normally he/she is not prepared for their death so their soul are normally wandering at place they die. They can see their family getting all sad and upset .

I don’t if your brother was married or not , or that if you have your parents are alive or not but do ardas and tell your brother I as your sister will look after everyone, I will make sure his family ( in case he has) is well looked after . I will look after my kid brother and my parents ( in case they are alive).Tell him in your ardas he need not worry. Pray for him that wherever he is , he should remain happy, not worry about all of you here on earth. Believe me he will be really reassured that he doesn’t have worry about anything. He can be nischint.

How lucky are you ?

I say lucky because you had a such great loving brother . How much great rapport both of you have. I have a elder sister and we don’t share anything like both of you have , I say have because what you had will all remain and this relations wont end.

My sister and I don’t have anything like you have. Our is mostly formal relationship. I know one thing for sure , tomorrow I die my she will cry , but certainly devastated because we don’t have what you have with your brother .

[shergik]

Thanks everybody, i can understand where everyone's coming from, but believe me i just can't do it - the phrase from the hymn "tera kitha meetha lage" - i'm sorry, but i just can't accept that. My faith is slowly slipping away - i have so much to say, but no words to express my feelings - he had so much to see yet in life, to get married, have kids, be present at my younger brother's wedding. We have our first family function next week and to be quite honest i don't think i'll be able to go, how can, all i'll be thinking about is my brother who would've been there, him doing his silly giddha dance with the ladies, putting the chunni over his head, making everybody laugh, looking after my kids while i go for a dance. I know i should go, but i'm so scared of spoiling the atmosphere if i start to cry. Previous to my brother passing away i was quite a strong minded person, i'd pick myself up and carry on (previous up's and down's made me stronger), but this, this has just made me into a nervous, weak person. I can't even stay at home on my own. If no one is with me i have to leave the house, cos everywhere i look he is there. my brother was with me the day i moved into this house and everything we did thereafter regarding decorating/gardening he was with us. I know i'm probably going on a bit, but i truely haven't got anybody to talk to, like i said my brother was my best friend, it would be him that i would be talking to now.

[charneet_delhi]

u knw what shergik ji

i am 23 yrs old now

i knw exactly how u feel

i was 16 when i lost my father , we went to aus and back in india i lost my tayaji,grandfather ,best friend and two more close ppl within 3 years

I HAVE SAME QUES ON MY LIPS AND U CAN IMAGINE NOT FOR JUST ONE PERSON

But someone told me a gr8 thing when i was goin thru this ke if rabb gives u dukh he also gives u power to handle it, u dunno at 23 how confused world seems loosin close people but u know what thats biggets reality of life noone is there forever. My father used to tell me when i was young ke life is like train and we r all passenegers , when someone station will come he will get out i guess ur bro station came

PRAY TO WAHEGURU

he will give u strength

I KNOW LIFE SEEMS ALL DARK , TRUST ME THERE WILL BE LIGHT AT END OF TUNNEL

[buddasingh]

Thanks everybody, i can understand where everyone's coming from, but believe me i just can't do it - the phrase from the hymn "tera kitha meetha lage" - i'm sorry, but i just can't accept that.  My faith is slowly slipping away - i have so much to say, but no words to express my feelings - he had so much to see yet in life, to get married, have kids, be present at my younger brother's wedding.  We have our first family function next week and to be quite honest i don't think i'll be able to go, how can, all i'll be thinking about is my brother who would've been there, him doing his silly giddha dance with the ladies, putting the chunni over his head, making everybody laugh, looking after my kids while i go for a dance.  I know i should go, but i'm so scared of spoiling the atmosphere if i start to cry.  Previous to my brother passing away i was quite a strong minded person, i'd pick myself up and carry on (previous up's and down's made me stronger), but this, this has just made me into a nervous, weak person.  I can't even stay at home on my own.  If no one is with me i have to leave the house, cos everywhere i look he is there.  my brother was with me the day i moved into this house and everything we did thereafter regarding decorating/gardening he was with us.  I know i'm probably going on a bit, but i truely haven't got anybody to talk to, like i said my brother was my best friend, it would be him that i would be talking to now.

159413[/snapback]

Shergik considering what you're dealing with, you're not going on at all. Please feel free to post as much as you like. You probably enable many of us to reflect back on our own experiences with loss. I've also had one of the closest people in my life leave young.

It's also OK that you're things are not normal. It is so soon afterward. You're brother would be touched that you think of him. He would also very much want you to be happy. Take it a day at a time. With two very young kids things must be very busy and it would be difficult to have the proper space to grieve.

Go slow if you need, but see that you are moving in the right direction toward your normal activities. Your brother would be encouraging you to do this. A lifetime is nothing more than a second which is dragged out in an illusion. For some it may be half a second. That is the difference that we only realize at the end.

You have so much love for your brother. This would not be possible if you did not have faith. Your faith is obviously strong. Know this. Your brothers love, affection and laughter remains alive. This is a public forum but sounds safe and supportive.... so only if you're comfortable tell us what you and your brother use to talk about.

[Surd_r_cute]

Hi Shergik

I used to wonder why god made Zodiac signs. Also the concept of Janam Patri, astrologers etc. One day we were discussing life and gurbai. I told my friend how come one concept is repeated written in SGGS so many times. Say about Kaam, krodh, etc.

He told me a great thing , everyone is different, everyone has a different perspective on life. You might interpret god based on who you are and some one else will interpret god from their perspective . Just as they say in Japji Sahib

Gavai ko tan hovai kisai tan ||

Gavai ko daat jaanai neesaan||

Gavai ko gun vadiaaiaa chaar||

Gavai ko vidiaa vikham veechar||

Gavai ko saaj karae tan khaeh||

Gavai ko jee lai phir daeh||

Simply speaking everyone is telling you about how to cope from trouble that have come to your life from our perspective. Open SGGS and you will find answer that suits your personality.

Also when something really bad happens , I remember all those people who though are alive but each day of their life is worse than death.

EG , I know lots of people here hate India as country and Indian army

In 1971 India won Bangladesh war. We captured 90,000 Pakistani soldiers and than released them but Pakistan captured 54 Indian POW. For last 34 they are still in Pakistani Jails. One of them was Vijay Tambe , his wife name was Dayamanti Tambe .She was married for him 1.5 years and had a child after her husband was captured . So she is neither a widow neither a married women. What did her child see, a father in photographs.

http://www.chowk.com/show_article.cgi?aid=...=civic%20center

http://www.dailytimes.com.pk/default.asp?p...9-1-2005_pg7_28

http://www.deccanherald.com/deccanherald/feb022005/n19.asp

Your brother has given you the greatest birthday gift. At this moment, i.e. on his death you were not prepared to accept god’s hukum. You are young, time will heal this wound. Like most of us if you just grieve and not learn a great lesson of accepting hukum than you will simply waste his gift. The gift is that whatever happens due to his hukum .I cannot comment how you parents have accepted it. If they have than they are surely know that no one has wronged them in case they are reacting like you are than do not you think at 31 your brother has given you a gift that helps you to walk on path towards eternal bliss.

You are a sister , no matter how much you loved your brother , you loved your brother as sister. Your parents were his parents. Weight of his arthi on old shoulders is much more than it is on your young shoulders. Your brother has given you the gift of time to prepare yourself for what is written in your destiny by god in your probably long life . Long life as a mother, wife and may be grand mother. He has shown you that my little sister that you still have not matured , so learn from this and start walking towards path to spiritual maturity.

One day a general asked a soldier, what can you do for country, soldier replied I can lay my life for my country and general replied war is not won by getting killed but rather killing enemy.

Whenever I am in difficult spot I remember this story? Why ? because we as humans are told to get emotional. I am not saying one should be emotionless but I mean getting emotional on your brothers memories will not solve issue. When in emotional stress I meditate on following salok

gagan damaamaa baaji-o pari-o neesaanai ghaa-o.

khayt jo maaNdi-o soormaa ab joojhan ko daa-o. ||1||

sooraa so pahichaanee-ai jo larai deen kay hayt.

purjaa purjaa kat marai kabhoo na chhaadai khayt. ||2||2||

You are in spiritual war. How ? well simply speaking as of this moment you have to support your parents. Look after your kids but your mind tells you to remember your brother , mourn his death. Instead of facing the enemies i.e. emotional memories you run away from this battlefield.

Whenever you feel you getting emotional remind your self “ab joojhan ko daa-o” i.e. instead of giving into emotions you will fight them purjaa purjaa kat marai kabhoo na chhaadai khayt. .

You seem to love your brother a lot. Respect his memories , how ?

There was this young captain in Indian army , he was killed in Kashmir , his mother every year on his birthday would do what he liked.

May be you can every year take your kids and their friends out on his birtday, when they ask why , tell about your brother who loved making friends and this day is about majing new friends

[shergik]

Hi it's me again - having a very bad day!!!!!!!

At the weekend some people we know were involved in a road traffic accident, there was 3 of them, 2 are critically ill and one died aged 25 from the same injuries as my brother, in the same ward as my brother and in the same bed. It's all come flooding back. Something always happens to put me back.

I met with one of the Doctors today who looked after my brother (not sure if i mentioned it before, but i work at the same hospital where my brother passed away and am friends with one of the Doctors who looked after him). I wanted to meet him because i couldn't understand how someone could be so injured from the inside and yet not have a scratch on the outside so he talked through the scans with me and showed me what should be normal and then showed me his scans. For some reason i thought this would help, but it didn't. I then had to ask him whether the decision to withdraw my brother's treatment was the correct decision, how long would he have gone on if we hadn't withdrew treatment. Although he told me that this decision was the correct one to save my brother's suffering and that he was never going to come round, i still feel guilty as it was my husband and i who suggested to my parents that enoughs enough, how much more are we going to make him suffer. I sometimes feel, even though the final decision was my parents, that they resent me for this. Since my brother has passed away my parents seem to have become distant from me, they don't talk to me properly and when i go round i have to leave fairly quickly as the atmosphere is too nerve racking. I want to confront them about it, but am scared as this might be thier way of dealing with our loss, but at the same time they need to realise that i am also their daughter and i also need support. I honestly don't know what to do - my exact words to Bill (my Dr friend) was that "i feel like i'm going mad and that i can't do this anymore".

[ParnaamShaheedaNu]

waaheguruu bhainji i wish i could meet with you or somehow help you, at times like this the best thing to honestly do is just sit before guru granth sahib ji and let out all of your pain, even if you have to cry, let it out in front of guru ji, fold your hands in front of him and just pray for your brothers soul. Pray and pray and pray until something happens, inside of you, around you, until you feel safe and content, knowing that your brother will be okay, and that he is in God's hands, and that Guru Sahib will watch over him, blessing him with His divine grace, forgiving him for any mistakes, taking him into His embrace

I'm so sure youve heard this countless times, but God has faith in us even though we lose faith in ourselves, and life, at times... He has faith in us, that is why He brought us here, and puts us through so many trials. He really wouldn't put you through something unless He was sure you would survive through it... He has faith in you, and your strength, you just need to radiate His love and feel it inside of you. God bless you bhainji sooo much. I have been through a similar situation, and I'm sure you probably feel really alone right now, waheguru jee. Just remember that Guru Ji is ALWAYS surrounding you, always with you, protecting and loving you, caring about you, he will always be there, just pray to Him that He'll always keep His hand on your head. Please keep posting and the sangat will do as much as we can to help you heal this pain. It's a healing process and it takes so much time, of course, losing a brother is no easy thing, but the strength is inside of you already, it was given to you at birth, and it will slowly be revealed, it will slowly come out. May God keep you , in this hard time. Waaheguru Waaheguru Waaheguru.

Bhainji if I can be of any help feel free to msg me, as you said "I know i'm probably going on a bit, but i truely haven't got anybody to talk to" - trust me you're not going on at all, we are your siblings of destiny, your brothers and sisters, and are always here to support or help in any way we can. Im sure everyone agrees on that. You can talk to us, for however long you want, as much as you want... It's always good to have someone to talk to, you've got to talk to someone, here Guru Sahib has helped you turn to His Sadh Sangat, which is really a blessing, they are the best people to go to. Some people on this forum are very blessed. Also try speaking to your husband if you can, or maybe a close cousin/friend. You can also talk to Waheguru Ji, He is always there... Listening, waiting, loving... God Bless you bhainji, waheguru, waheguru, waheguru, waheguru, waheguru... T

ry doing simran if you can, if you can just devote a tiny amount of time out of your life, even in the morning or before sleeping, to just sit up crossed legged, and slowly remember / meditate on Waheguru in your heart... Pain slipps away, illnesses are healed, broken hearts become whole, slowly, slowly, slowly, faith builds, you learn to stand up again...

Waaheguru. God bless...Waaheguru

[buddasingh]

...

I sometimes feel, even though the final decision was my parents, that they resent me for this.  Since my brother has passed away my parents seem to have become distant from me, they don't talk to me properly and when i go round i have to leave fairly quickly as the atmosphere is too nerve racking.  I want to confront them about it, but am scared as this might be thier way of dealing with our loss, but at the same time they need to realise that i am also their daughter and i also need support.  I honestly don't know what to do - my exact words to Bill (my Dr friend) was that "i feel like i'm going mad and that i can't do this anymore".

160060[/snapback]

I know nothing more than what you have posted here. Yet it is enough to make a very good guess that your parents do not resent you for anything. They are also dealing with the challenge as you are. They likely don't talk to you properly because of their own grieving.