Driving Me Crazy

[Guest ashamed]

i need advice on how to forget someone who i'm crazy about, because i'm finding it pretty impossible and my sikhi is suffering a lot because of it. even though they hurt me a lot, i still 'love' them and dream of being with them one day. i'm not in contact with them anymore, but i miss them so much. i'm worried because i have exams soon and i'm really struggling with revision and i can never focus on my work. i have no daily routine anymore, and usually stay up throughout the night trying to study.

i've been told to do ardas and to give it 'time' .. but nothing i try seems to work, and time isn't really something i have a lot of because my exams are soon, and they're big exams which matter to me and my parents a lot. even i could just forget about that person for the next two months it would help me so much. i don't think anyone can help me, but... i've lost all my sikhi and i feel so terrible about it. the only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that Maharaj has allowed the other person to progress spiritually and forget about me, and i'm happy for them.

and one other question - what's the difference between love and attachment? and if you get married, how are you not meant to be attached to your partner? because i'm not sure i would ever be able to do that.

sorry if anyone's time has been wasted, or if i have depressed anyone etc etc, i didn't want/mean to.

[Surd_r_cute]

How not be attached even when you are married?

Well i give you forumal no 44

I was also in position like you at some stage of life. It was very difficult. First of all you have to observe your self i.e. in my case more than the gal i realized i was found of thinking about her. Imaginging life with her. In short my fun was not as result of her but what i thought would be life with her.

One needs to see why they are doing something? I mean my friend would eat lots of food to over come stress. People thought he liked food, food was his comfort zone.

Figure out our self, you truly like person or the idea of being with person is more fun. These feelings manifest them self in form of us talking about them, trying to think about them, trying impress them.

Control yourself.

Your sikhi is not for Sikh people and community but for you i.e. If you feel your sikhi has suffered than you are wrong, why because it is other way, if you knew facts of life as stated in SGGS than you would no been suffering.

Set goals for ur self, ur mind will tell think abt that person, just do waheguru wahe guru, even if revising one chapter takes whole day which might have just taken one hour stick to it, just wahe guru.

We are like farmers , what we plant that what we will get in term of crops. waheguru said now will make u feel better next day but real fight is to waheguru and stick to goals of studying on present day,

[Surd_r_cute]

As regard to difference between love and attachment.

dont love be your maya, what do i mean by maya?

We in our class were told anything that prevents you from doing what you wanted to do is maya. Eg I want to do Rehras Sahib in evening but daily i end up watching TV or goin out ith my freinds, hence TV has become maya.

Love a person but if though of that person perevents you from going about daily normal life than it is maya.

[Guest -RV-]

If you've thought about this person for all that time but you have no idea what they've been thinking about either. Just have faith that Vaheguroo will guide you to whosoever that you will belong with.

This person is going to be hard to forget about over two months, so try to accept it as another step in your life. If you have a gurdwara a couple blocks away, go there for an hour each day, listen to some keertan. If not, then turn up some bani at home, preferably the calming kind. If the weather is nice outside, take some short walks. Enjoy the fresh air. It will help clear your mind and help you to deal with the stress a bit better.

If you realize how much you have, I'm sure it will help.

Good luck on your exams jee :wub:

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

[Heera Singh]

There are different ways to 'move on' ... it usually depends on the situation ur in, 'cause everybodys situation is different... did he hurt u mentally? physically? emotionally?.. (if i's not too personal of a question).. it also matters about what type of situation u were in with this person... i.e... were u guyz jus really good friends?? dating?? etc... every situation is unique and should be treated as such.. its obvious that u are really worried about ur progression in Sikhi.. and although you mite think that ardaas and paath and all that good stuff 'isn't working'... but it really is... jus do ur ardaas from ur heart... with full prem and sharda... don't stop doin any of what ur doin.... continue to do simran.. even if u find ur mind drifting... jus keep doing it... keep sayin it with ur lips so that ur ears can hear it.. that makes a huge difference..

i would say attachment is when u find urself clinging to that person too much... thinkin bout that person too much... dependant on that person too much..etc... etc... its okay to need the person, or to think bout the person or what not.. but when it starts takin over ur mind, and u find urself imbued in thoughts of that person, then its attachment... also as one of the above posts pointed out, attachment can also be when that one thing comes in the way of you doin somethin that you want ...

this is the age old problem that we call 'The Battle of the Mind' ... its somethin we all go through.. u gotta try to take control of ur feelings/emotions... "Man Jeetai Jag Jeet", which basically means, 'conquer ur mind, and conquer the world' ...

[Guest _gupt_]

What is the sangats view about marriage in this case? Wouldn't it be the solution and also prevent each individual from thinking about each other again if they wed with another person. However hard it may be, you must work on your studies at this time and keep your thoughts of that person to a limit. If you find that individual is someone you can live with for the rest of your life: make the proposition once your studies are over and when your gursikhi jeevan is stable :wub:

[Heera Singh]

I don't think it solves the problem... in fact, it could create more of a problem if the girl is still thinkin bout the OTHER guy, rather then her husband.... one has to take control of their feelings and their mind...

keeping a strict amrit vela, doing simran everyday, nitnem, ardaas... all these help in the process of controlling ur mind ... as well, all should be done with as much prem and sharda as possible... its somethin that takes time, and will definitely not happen overnite...

Chardi Kalaa!

Vaheguru Jee Ka Khalsa, Vaheguru Jee Kee Fateh!!