Marriage Material

[S1ngh]

Well.. to some ppl looks does matter (to me it did).. Actually to EVERYBODY outer looks play important role unless they really don't care whom they gonna spend rest of their life or not interested in marriage life or comments made by teenagers (under 17) etc.. Some ppl here just try to be smart by saying.. looks doesn't matter blah blah but in reality its all different..'

s1ingh, actually not EVERYBODY as you stated above, feels that outer looks play an important role. Yes, i did care who i was to spend the rest of my life with and i WAS interested in marriage life, and NO i didn't care about comments made by others, Maybe you need to look within yourself. I'm not trying to be smart, looks DO NOT matter. I didn't even know what my fiance looked like for a long time, and i didn't care so i am example to that. Not EVERYBODY is as shallow as you when looks mattered to you (you must be such a sunder singh) it's attitudes such as yourself that make some bibian that have facial hair etc etc hard to get married.So please do not think that you are speaking towards the majority because not EVERYONE shares the same skewed opinion like yourself. Certainly not the people striving for gurmat anyways

Well first i apologize for saying "Actually to EVERYBODY outer looks play important role unless they really don't care whom they gonna spend rest of their life or not interested in marriage life." I didn't know till today that there are ppl to whom outer look doesn't matter and they would make the decision of marriage without even looking at em..

Not EVERYBODY is as shallow as you when looks mattered to you (you must be such a sunder singh) it's attitudes such as yourself that make some bibian that have facial hair etc etc hard to get married.

Woah.. easy bhaenaayy/brava.. When i say outer appearance matters to us.. i didn't mean looks like hollywood movie star or models. Don't you think that u jumped on conclusion too soon?? Looks doesn't have to be top notch model, or the one who wears tons of makeup, bleach, waxing etc.... With abit of common sense, when outer appearance mentioned in sikh marriage talks.. in reality it means whether both partners will look okay/good with each other like height, weight stuff..

I am still confused that how my attitude is related to bibian who have facial hair? You are jumping here and there and the points that aren't related to this topic? Please explain clearly as i can't figure out what you are saying? Sorry about that bruv/sis. Anyway.. looks doesn't play very big role but in mostly every matter it is the important small role in every single rishtay whether religious or not.... (its more like private thingy...)

[B4ND4]

Oye moderators naal pange naa liya karo, they'll put you under moderation

[davindervirk]

what is a Monea and kale?

[Saahiba]

I'm at the age of marriage now and parents have introduced me to a few Singhs. So far all the ones that I have met, I have to admit I have not found them even remotely attractive. I must sound so superficial but you do have to find your potential partner attractive in order to be with them. As well not finding any of them attractive, I have not really hit it off with any of them either.

My parents did show me pictures of a few singhs too and they I did find attractive and agreed to meet. Through the bachole I found out they had asked for a picture of me, so I obliged. Now I am a turban wearing Singhni, never ever did I think that this was going to be an issue for amritdari singhs, but how wrong was I? I never heard back from any of those Singhs. They must have taken one look at my picture and thought...nope! Now I'm not going to blow my own trumpet too much but I would say that I'm quite an attractive girl. I've been told I am really pretty. So I didn't think it was because they found me unattractive. But what I heard from a friend of mine, who happened to know one of the singhs vaguely, was that that particular singh preferred non-dastaar wearing girls. I have since found out that he is engaged to a non amritdari and non kesdari girl!!!

This had got me thinking, could the other singhs have been put off by the fact that I wear a dastaar. Personally, I know of no other reason as to why they wouldn't even consider me. If only they got to know me then maybe they would have found out that I'm very chilled out girl and fun-loving. But it seems they just saw my dastaar and thought no.

Now on the other side of the coin. I seem to find that I do attract a lot 'monea' Sikhs and the reason why they seem to be attracted is due to my dastaar and personality. In fact not only sikhs but I seem to attract a lot of kale too. This I find rather weird and strange. These people are not suppose to find me attractive but do so. I've had monea sikhs and kale trying to chat me up whilst I am at the gym. Obviously I don't give me them any indication that I'm interested and tell them I just want to remain friends. But still I find this strange. Singhs prefer girls without a dastaar and monea sikhs prefer the fact that I wear a dastaar.

I have seen a growing number of Singhs myself who are either married or engaged to not only non amritdari girls but to girls who cut their hair. What is the cue with that?

Now I am stuck. No way am I going to stop wearing my dastaar esp not for a guy. All the singhs I am introduced to and are willing to accept my dastaar (to date) I have not been attracted and interested in. Monea sikhs who are interested in me I can't even consider due to the fact we will live two different lives. And I also find that I get on quite well with the monea sikhs too.

So what do I do?

Ik ong kar satgur parsad!

Friend,

Let us be clear with our concepts of *attraction*.

I personally feel that 90% of the attraction is in the mind and physicality is just 10%. Why did you feel *not attracted* to some singhs? Unless you know a person thoroughly, it is difficult to say if he or she is attractive.

This holds good for the singhs who got put off by your dastaar. Well their misfortune is that they certainly do not deserve a good sikhni like you.. so they can go for a hike.. and dun you worry..

Now coming to you.. with the permission of your parents, try to interact with singhs you did not find attractive. Every person is born with a USP.. only we need to look at it properly..

Remain possitive, because you are in Rabji's Rukh..

Bhul chuk maaf karnee!

[Guest Papi]

bottom line is unless ur are avastha wala sikh, you WILL look at physical aspects for our potential mate.

all these kids that keep saying o it wouldn't matter to me, just wait till you guys are at a marraigeable age, then we'll see.

[Guest Guest]

I'm a Singhni with facial hair and it hasn't stopped me doing anything in life. With God's grace I am educated and have a decent job but no one wants to marry me. I'm everyone’s friend and confident and that’s all there is, no one looks further than that and I'm not bothered in the slightest (though my parents think differently). If with God's grace I do marry one day it'll be because someone accepts me for me. There is a lot of pressure today to look a certain way in order to 'fit in' and 'look the part' in society. For a long time i was ridiculed and laughed at (more by 'Sikhs' than those who don't know about Sikhi) but now as I've grown older and God's grace I have learnt from experiences and I can deal with it all.

I don't need a husband to complete me, we are here for a reason and we all have different views on what that reason may be. I don't feel the need to be accepted or even understood now, as my Sikhi is in-between Guru Sahib and I not anyone else. Sikhi is not an easy path to walk, but the joy and love one gets along this path cannot be matched by any other joy/event in the world.

Sorry if this post has nothing to do with the topic in hand but I felt like voicing a few opinions thoughts.

[Khalsa4ever]

I'm a Singhni with facial hair and it hasn't stopped me doing anything in life. With God's grace I am educated and have a decent job but no one wants to marry me. I'm everyone’s friend and confident and that’s all there is, no one looks further than that and I'm not bothered in the slightest (though my parents think differently). If with God's grace I do marry one day it'll be because someone accepts me for me. There is a lot of pressure today to look a certain way in order to 'fit in' and 'look the part' in society. For a long time i was ridiculed and laughed at (more by 'Sikhs' than those who don't know about Sikhi) but now as I've grown older and God's grace I have learnt from experiences and I can deal with it all.

I don't need a husband to complete me, we are here for a reason and we all have different views on what that reason may be. I don't feel the need to be accepted or even understood now, as my Sikhi is in-between Guru Sahib and I not anyone else. Sikhi is not an easy path to walk, but the joy and love one gets along this path cannot be matched by any other joy/event in the world.

Sorry if this post has nothing to do with the topic in hand but I felt like voicing a few opinions thoughts.

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

Awesome post. You got real strength

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!