Family Problems

[Guest _singh_]

this is quite long.

its about my brother. he's been fighting with the entire family for one reason or the other. and since he has married and brought his wife over from india things have got worse.

firstly he has no right to be in our house which my mum owns. and he's said alot of swear word to her. he has also had fights with my father and sister at which point my sister, mum and dad had to leave the leave their own house due to the arguements.

you would think that he would be grateful that we are letting him stay here. but his wife and hime dont do any housework at all.

so basicaly i told him to get lost and said what i thought of him. but now i feel a bit guilty for saying these things. he is one of those people that just wants sympathy and starts shouting his mouth off when he doesnt get his way.

im at the point where im thinking of having nothing to do with him. and going our seperate ways.

as i think its the only option. any advice?

[Khalsa4ever]

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

Somtimes, separation is benificial for both groups... all of you by being separate might have time to think about things, and realize what importance (or lack thereof) the others play in everyone's lives. Sometimes, that really helps to bring people together.

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

[Guest jap naam]

WaheguruJeeKaaKhalsa WaheguruJeeKeeFateh!! _/|\

Firstly i want to apologise Paaji, if i offend in the following. I'm no expert in such matters , so i'll just give my point of view.

I agree with Khalsa4ever's advice, maybe you need some separation because its only after such separation we know how much people mean to us and realise what important roles they play in our lives

I've always thought that if someone is not willing to listen to another person's point of view, especially one who is involved in the matter which needs to be resolved, that there is a problem. Communication is of one of the most important, if not the most important, aspects of any relationship.

Maybe your brother is going through something you don't know about.I would suggest that you listen to his point of view, really listen. Be patient and understanding, and try to see the situation from his perspective. After listening to him, ask him to grant you the same courtesy of listening to your upsets regarding the situation as you did for him. After that, you could tell him what you are feeling.

You said you cannot live with him but ask yourself this, Can you also spend your entire life without him?

Look deep within yourself. If this was happening to your friend, what would you advise them? Remove the emotions and the worrisome thoughts and look inside yourself for an answer.

I can only provide advice from a limited perspective Paaji, but your own advice is the one you should follow since you know the complete scenario.

I would also suggest doing Ardaas and going Gurdwara because at the end of the day only God can help us.

This is just my opinion. I hope everything works out for the two of you.

God Bless

WaheguruJeeKaaKhalsa WaheguruJeeKeeFateh!! _/|\

Bhul Chuck Maaf

[raju123]

was it a arranged marraige?

he could have major regret's and is blaming everone for his position the he is now...

[Guest Papi]

dont seek advice from kids on a forum. talk to bajurgs, seek professional counselling and above all DO ARDAAS :TH:

[proactive]

The best thing to do is to ask him to meet you on his own away from the family and his wife. Have a chat with him and ask what does he want. Outline the options ie that he moves out and then has to struggle living on rent and without his wife working. Or that he tells you what the problem is and you try and resolve it if it is resolvable. Also if you have relatives or family friends who your family gets on with and those that both your family and you brother trusts then get them to act as mediators. The thing is that if his behaviour is out of character for him and he was not like this before then chances are there is an underlying problem that he needs to resolve.

Sometimes separation can be good as it allows both parties to consider what life really would be like without the other people living in the same household.

[Guest Guest]

yep i think we need some time apart. basiclly i lashed out. and said that he should go and a few swear words. it was a total random attack. i just lost it. because of all the things that have been going on.

i said a few things i regret. but he accused me of making a pass at his wife. which is complete nonsence. he even told my parents. but they said they didnt believe i made any kind of pass.

the thing is i feel guilty becuase he has childeren to. what got me was that they werent cleaning up after themselves. plus he called my mum a kanjari. which is why i lashed out. the reason he said that is becuase mum said she wished his kids died in some arguement they had.

which is why im not sure i should associate myself with him while he's saying these kind of things.

[Guest Guest]

erm in all fairness we don't know what led to this and since we don't know the whole story ..I don't think anyone can comment. ure mum said she wanted his kids to die...he then said his mum was a kanjaari..u then told him to leave etc. *edited*

This is what you do...get someone neutral who will do the talking for both of you. Sit down as a family and talk about what happened, apologise if need be and make a plan, and tell each other ure worries in a nice way.

I don't really like *edited* punjabi ppl that much cos they tend to have too much pride and don't like criticism. If you do raise a concern they take it the wrong way and then hat you. When this happens they start fault-finding and say clean this, omg look at the way she talks, omg this and that. I think its called chak thaal or something.

Stuff like that is so backward man....you need to develop ure communication. Maybe you are the one who has the skills but the other person does not. In that situation if no one listens to you ....get help. Ie the neutral person.