Have I Brought Shame

[I humbly bow]

well i only have 1 close guy friend.

were not so close that i bring them round my house or anything, but we keep in touch through email and that. but i introduced him to parents both mum and dad at uni, he actally calls me benji even thou he is from south africa and after my dad has talked to him, my dad agrees hes a really nice guy and is happy for me to keep in touch wit him.

So i think the best way is for parents to meet your friends, that they they can decide for themselves what they are really like.

I personally dont think that having a lot of guy friends is a good idea. Now i used to be a total tomboy where nearly all of my friends were guys, but you slowly realise that not all of them are looking at you as though you are sister....so choose your friends very carefully, and remember that parents usually know best, no matter how irritating it is!

i hope it all works out benji!

[Guest _Singh_]

imy i think you are very naive because guys at uni dont want a sister they only want one thing! and putting personal pictures up on facebook was very stupid. A picture can say a thousand words, think about a what person would think of those pictures who didnt know your or didnt know the situation those pictures were taken in! ok if you say the were was nothing wrong in those pics then all we have is your word. learn from this and dont do stupid things again and talk to your dad if he loves you and you trust him then its your duty to show them these pics FIRST. imagine if someone who wants to ruin your family name showed those pics first to your dad and lied about whats going on in them, your dad may freak out and even kick you outta the house. im sorry but your mum sounds weak she needs to stand up for you. if you get a bad name because of this then it follow you for a very long time and your loving parents will die inside. SHOW the pics to your dad NOW! and clear this once and for all.........good luck but need a big wake up call cos you just potentially damaged ur own and parents reputation cos you didnt know how things work in the real world mate

[alias]

all fo this is so much easier said then done.....i know what i have to say because its the truth but just starting the conversation off is so hard.....i tried yesterday bt i jus couldnt i really do want to because its for me......its my innocence and my life at stake so i know what i have to do.

If i dont it will be worse for me in the long run.

what i will say is this...

you show a picture of a boy and a girl together, just looking at each other, ppl will say, its haram and say they are in love. what they may not know is the underlying things..

they have ease droped..

ur parents have ease dropped into your life.. there is no bright side!! they will think whatever they want.. and ges wot? they wont listen to you..

you cant please everyone. things will have to get worse, (nearly always, worse than you expect), before they get better..

therefore, you will get to a point where you will say, 'u think what you wana think, i no i am not in the wrong.'

i will add, its not right to be in places of nasha.. not even guru gobind singh jiz horse would go in a ganja field! so tobaco, alcohol, its all nasha... it does have an effect on the mind.. it does condision your mind.. you are DEFINITLY more likely to swear or do summin rong in that kind of environment...

but i aint ere to giv u a lecture!!!

it is your life. people will guide you if u look for them. (in the right places!)

the rest is up to you!! :rolleyes:

gurfateh dude!! :TH:

[Guest _Singh_]

all fo this is so much easier said then done.....i know what i have to say because its the truth but just starting the conversation off is so hard.....i tried yesterday bt i jus couldnt i really do want to because its for me......its my innocence and my life at stake so i know what i have to do.

If i dont it will be worse for me in the long run.

what i will say is this...

you show a picture of a boy and a girl together, just looking at each other, ppl will say, its haram and say they are in love. what they may not know is the underlying things..

they have ease droped..

ur parents have ease dropped into your life.. there is no bright side!! they will think whatever they want.. and ges wot? they wont listen to you..

you cant please everyone. things will have to get worse, (nearly always, worse than you expect), before they get better..

therefore, you will get to a point where you will say, 'u think what you wana think, i no i am not in the wrong.'

i will add, its not right to be in places of nasha.. not even guru gobind singh jiz horse would go in a ganja field! so tobaco, alcohol, its all nasha... it does have an effect on the mind.. it does condision your mind.. you are DEFINITLY more likely to swear or do summin rong in that kind of environment...

but i aint ere to giv u a lecture!!!

it is your life. people will guide you if u look for them. (in the right places!)

the rest is up to you!! :rolleyes:

gurfateh dude!! :TH:

correct me if im wrong but isnt "haram" a muslim word............anyway so true not even Sri Guru Gobind Singh Ji horse would go in a Tobacco field so even a horse is more intelligent than most people! lol, u go to a place where non-sikhi activities are taking place and u expect sympathy! no way man, to the original poster ur a big girl now at uni no less act more sensibly from now on........cos a womans reputation is a fragile thing!

[cool water]

I know many of you might not agree with things like hi5 or even facebook but this is what seems to have caused me alot of problems.

well im sure most of you know what it is and what people do on FB.....well for me it was my way of staying in contact with my friends and family.

as normal there were pictures of things i had done or places i had been.......some of the pictures were with girls and some with my guy mates who i consider my brothers.

My mum knows of my guy mates and knows we spend alot of time together seeing as we all go to the same university and lived with each other.

But now all has turned........some of me cussins saw pictures and told my aunts who then told me mum but have said that i can't go back to uni aswell as a whole load of other things and that i've brought shame.

I've explained so many times that these people are my brothers and that nothing like what they think is happening. They say that im stupid and are protecting me......i don't see how not allowing me to go back to my university to finish my degree is protecting me.

My dad doesn't know bout this but i want to tell him. I've tried so hard but im so scared as they have said it will kill him.

I know what i did may have been a little wrong but in all this do i deserve what they are doing to me......this is my life and im old enough to make mistakes aswell as learn from them.

I just don't know what to do any more

Too many females think they can do what they like once they reach a certain age that what they get upto at uni or wherever doesnt effect no body. What they dont realise we all have responsbilities. And we can enjoy ourselves, have our fun but in the end when we get to a certain age we will have to pay for it with the consequences of our foolishness. Some catch STD's, some become drunks, some druggies and some bring reckless loose their way in life.

I recall one example where my distant cusin sisters who everyone thought were good girls, started to reveal their antics on sites like hi5, facebook, myspace. Pic's of them drunk, with legs in air naked, getting touched up by random men. All these things were collected and used as evidence against their character when they were questioned by their grandmum who nearly had a heart attack seeing what they got upto.

We must realise what we do not only effects us in the long term but also family who raised you and will be betrayed and your furture partner who will hold it against you if any arguments arise in your martial life.

[Guru_Da_Chella]

Hey I know when you're younger you're more innocent, sometimes minor mistakes happen, and unfortunately for soem people major ones.

I think you need to explain to you dad first.

And my advice is not to have too many pics close to guys, I try not to be in pics where its just girls, and just untag yourself if there is one like that so it won't show up on your profile, so just be careful next time, and if it looks dodgy, then don;t take a photo like that from now one.

[KEERPA]

I am going to say this : yer supposed friends arent yer friends. Ive known a guy for 15 years and he tried to presuade me to cut my hair. I said "uhhh yeah right, Id rather be a bum with my hair than cut my hair to lose out on my own game". He tried for two days to try to make me feel inferior because I am a Sikh and since the whole world thinks somethings kewl I have to give up my Sikhi or Ill not fit in. I say "I dont go by peer pressure because I have more pressure trying to detour me from Sikhi, not pressuring me to be a Sikh."

So yesterday I had to lie to him (which I hated to do) I told him in order to go to his house I had to do all this "housework" I knew he'd be persistant so he said he'd wait till Im done. I turned on the recent PBS publication of "Sikhs in America" that I DVR recorded a few months earlier. After the video he completely stopped with the reatarded thought of cutting my hair, so what does he ask "Do you want beer"????? This guy wouldnt ever go out of his way for me unless it will contradict my Sikhi. I said NO. Then what does he want? Do you want to go fishing with me on saturday????? This is just to break my Amritvela paath etc. (A few years ago I would do paath at his house because he wanted to chill but I still have to do my paath) Since this progressed to a level of negativity I have decided to completely stop chillin with this garbage.

Now I have shown even more light onto my marg he tries to pretend I am mean and/or not Gurmat, they will try to use your own religious doctrine against you, so I said I have muslims/christians/hindus/atheists try to pull the same garbage, so I talked about "practice your religion, practice what you preach" it takes effort to be what you want, if you dont make effort then you are in idle gear.

My guess is they wont care if you are or not around. To tell you the truth I bet they are better without your presence. You wanting to be a true Sikh will bring them down and they wont allow that so they will flip it around on you.

If you are truelly sorry for your actions then dump it for your honor. Dont care about any honor but what you store within your mind. If something is good enough for you then live it, if you think you should feel ashamed then your conciousness is trying to tell you something that its been screaming at you for a long period of time now.

Say "Dad, I would like to speak with you about an issue I have been dealing with. I am trying to better myself and will accept and understand your view of what I should do. I ask you father because I feel ...... and I would like to fix this problem asap, and I feel more of a problem with not telling you than trying to hide this from you."

The rest goes with karma and speculation any further wont do anything but cross too many outcomes in yer mind and only one happens after the fact anyway.

LOVE

[Guest imy]

I am going to say this : yer supposed friends arent yer friends. Ive known a guy for 15 years and he tried to presuade me to cut my hair. I said "uhhh yeah right, Id rather be a bum with my hair than cut my hair to lose out on my own game". He tried for two days to try to make me feel inferior because I am a Sikh and since the whole world thinks somethings kewl I have to give up my Sikhi or Ill not fit in. I say "I dont go by peer pressure because I have more pressure trying to detour me from Sikhi, not pressuring me to be a Sikh."

So yesterday I had to lie to him (which I hated to do) I told him in order to go to his house I had to do all this "housework" I knew he'd be persistant so he said he'd wait till Im done. I turned on the recent PBS publication of "Sikhs in America" that I DVR recorded a few months earlier. After the video he completely stopped with the reatarded thought of cutting my hair, so what does he ask "Do you want beer"????? This guy wouldnt ever go out of his way for me unless it will contradict my Sikhi. I said NO. Then what does he want? Do you want to go fishing with me on saturday????? This is just to break my Amritvela paath etc. (A few years ago I would do paath at his house because he wanted to chill but I still have to do my paath) Since this progressed to a level of negativity I have decided to completely stop chillin with this garbage.

Now I have shown even more light onto my marg he tries to pretend I am mean and/or not Gurmat, they will try to use your own religious doctrine against you, so I said I have muslims/christians/hindus/atheists try to pull the same garbage, so I talked about "practice your religion, practice what you preach" it takes effort to be what you want, if you dont make effort then you are in idle gear.

My guess is they wont care if you are or not around. To tell you the truth I bet they are better without your presence. You wanting to be a true Sikh will bring them down and they wont allow that so they will flip it around on you.

If you are truelly sorry for your actions then dump it for your honor. Dont care about any honor but what you store within your mind. If something is good enough for you then live it, if you think you should feel ashamed then your conciousness is trying to tell you something that its been screaming at you for a long period of time now.

Say "Dad, I would like to speak with you about an issue I have been dealing with. I am trying to better myself and will accept and understand your view of what I should do. I ask you father because I feel ...... and I would like to fix this problem asap, and I feel more of a problem with not telling you than trying to hide this from you."

The rest goes with karma and speculation any further wont do anything but cross too many outcomes in yer mind and only one happens after the fact anyway.

LOVE

paaji you really have given true advice and i will take it. so have alot of people and i thank you.......only thing is why does it always fall down to a female, why cant we be treated equally to a guy.......i dont go out much but due to the fact it ws a party where alcaholic subsatnces were in my presence some people have kinda made me feel like im dum by their comments........when i go to a wedding there is exactly that kinda thing.....dus that make my mum dum aswell for being there.......i do understand where some of you are coming from but don't always assume girls do this on purpose....at uni i could have done alot of things but i didnt....dont assume all us girls are like that.....an to my friends being more like brothers......in sikh we are ment to trate each other like brother n sister......yes you can meet some of them guys who only have one thing on their mind but don't think all guys are like that.....in life you do meet those who have a true heart.

Everyone on ss has really helped me waheguru twadeh teh mehr rukeh.

Thank you