Why Does Bride's Family Pay For Wedding?

[Guest Guest]

Papi ji,

Firstly, we all are paapi.

Secondly kids, if they are old enough to access the net-forum and comment then they are mature to face the TRUTH.

Thirdly if you don't have money nobody treats you with respect, whether it's your parents, husband or wife so how are in-laws any different ?

Fourthly, only those parents who love their daughters, who are practical & reasonable, ones willing to get their daughter married at the right age especially in modern & western society, genuinely interested in daughter's welfare and future should opt for a Ghar Jamai.

Fifthly, "No money - No honey" It's true in school, college, uni (getting a girl friend) same is valid in arranged marriage (no roti - no vohti).

Lastly, remember that when age is 16 to 25 or more (i.e marrying age) you don't have enough funds to get married, settle or support a family. Therefore it is said to be parents responsibility to get kids married but nowdays they don't bother at all or do so at the right time so, whose to blame ?

They themselves don't follow the traditions or respect Sikhi so how do you expect the children to conform to Moral values in present times ?

[Guest Papi]

Thirdly if you don't have money nobody treats you with respect, whether it's your parents, husband or wife so how are in-laws any different ?

True! A couple of years ago I would not have agreed with you, but having seen more of the world my view has changed dramatically.

Fourthly, only those parents who love their daughters, who are practical & reasonable, ones willing to get their daughter married at the right age especially in modern & western society, genuinely interested in daughter's welfare and future should opt for a Ghar Jamai.

I think even these parents will succumb to society's pressure and opt for a guy who will not be their ghar jamai.

Fifthly, "No money - No honey" It's true in school, college, uni (getting a girl friend) same is valid in arranged marriage (no roti - no vohti).

whoa! are you me? :| This has already happened to me, someone asks about me for marriage and the first thing they ask is "eh paisey kinney banauda?" (how much does he make?). Makes me well mad man and then people have the audacity to say we live in an equal society and these things don't matter. Yeah, let's just turn a blind eye to the truth and live in our fantasy world of la la land where everything is perfect. :rolleyes:

Lastly, remember that when age is 16 to 25 or more (i.e marrying age) you don't have enough funds to get married, settle or support a family. Therefore it is said to be parents responsibility to get kids married but nowdays they don't bother at all or do so at the right time so, whose to blame ?

one person probably doesn't but if there are two incomes, it should not be an issue. Only if women could stop spending money buying clothes and shoes they don't need (*goes and hides to avoid getting jumped by bibia*)

They themselves don't follow the traditions or respect Sikhi so how do you expect the children to conform to Moral values in present times ?

I like you :D

[Guest shastr]

cuz the guy has to deal with the girl for the rest of his life, might as well pay for the wedding if ur the girls family. lol

[jasleenk]

what's all the money for?

sikh wedding = anand karaj and langar. raagi fees can be split and langar can also be split (both seva and money).

problem solved.

oh wait, are you talking about a PUNJABI wedding with parties and booze and meat? if so, it's not sikhi anyway, so i doubt sikhi ideas of equality have much meaning there.

[Khalsa_Girl_1]

but some girls use equality to do things against punjabi culture, such as girls drinking!!!

It doesn't matter. Equality is equality. Besides.. I was relating equality to money put into marriage plans etc. Marriage is far drinking.

And I don't understand the big deal in a girl drinking anyway. <_< It's wrong for anyone to drink, so why do people point out an alcoholic female? (not people who were raised in Punjab..not older people etc.) Why do Sikhs TODAY, in developed countries, pinpoint the GIRLS..when Guru ji teaches us equality. Same for drugs etc..

It's wrong.

Dowry is a big NO-NO in Sikhi!!

Most GurSikhs (outside of South Asia) don't follow the DOWRY RULE. They are living happy lives. In fact most of them are happier than those who follow the dowry system..cuz really now.. What does the dowry do? NOTHING!

THE IMPORTANCE/SIGNIFICANCE OF DOWRY (not applying to today though):

Since it is a 'cultural thing' for a girl moves into the boys house right after marriage, a new bride would obviously feel uncomfortable moving into a strangers house. In most cases, the 2 families lived quite a distance from each other. Individuals from nearby villages were rarely hooked up for marriage. She didn't know anyone from the village.

Soooooooooo...The parents would give her items from home..the things she was familiar with. The lists includes:

- Bed/that manjaa thingy

- Homemade blankets/quilts

- Clothes

- Kitchen utensils

- Photos

- Other furniture

And so on...

These belongings were given to the girl so she could feel 'at home' when she moved in with the 'strangers'...

But NOWWW..

What are people doing now?!?! ASKING FOR MONEY THAT THEY DON'T NEED AT ALLLL!! The used-to-be-good-tradition dowry thing is now a good-for-nothing, maayaa(money)-eating strategy. PEOPLE ARE NOW ASKING FOR CARS!!..not to mention unbelievable amounts of money.

..........

Thirdly if you don't have money nobody treats you with respect, whether it's your parents, husband or wife so how are in-laws any different ?

How is this related to the girl & boy paying 50-50..?

.....

Fifthly, "No money - No honey" It's true in school, college, uni (getting a girl friend) same is valid in arranged marriage (no roti - no vohti).

Even if EVERYONE ON EARTH sticks with this mentality..it gives the more reason for BOTH families to provide equal amounts of money for the wedding.

..........

cuz the guy has to deal with the girl for the rest of his life, might as well pay for the wedding if ur the girls family. lol

It's more like the GIRL HAS TO deal with the guy for the rest of HER life.

Since SHE:

- Has to go through the entire changes...

- Has to move into a new environment that she made not wish to DEAL with

- Has to deal with family members SHE doesn't know

- Has to know all the 'traditional' so-called "female duties" (Which should NOT be the case in 2009, but still is.)

- Does not know the family ways/rules/customs etc in the new household

- Feels alienated

- Has to deal with being separated from her family

I MEAN CLEARLY.. It's the GIRL who has to deal with the guy for the rest of her life... So the GUY'S FAMILY MIGHT AS WELL PAY FOR THE WEDDING.

I see no reason why not.

The GIRL is moving into the guys home. So the GIRLS family is at a loss.

In addition to that, the guys family STILL want the girls family to pay?!?!?!

That doesn't make any sense AT ALL.

So.. Since the boys family isn't losing anything/anyone at all.. The boys family should pay for the wedding etc...and NOT ask for dowry at all!!

Fifthly, "No money - No honey" It's true in school, college, uni (getting a girl friend) same is valid in arranged marriage (no roti - no vohti).

When the guys family asks for money, it just shows that the guy cannot continue to support his family after the addition of just one member (the wife) within the household.

[Guest Papi]

cuz the guy has to deal with the girl for the rest of his life, might as well pay for the wedding if ur the girls family. lol

It's more like the GIRL HAS TO deal with the guy for the rest of HER life.

Since SHE:

- Has to go through the entire changes...

- Has to move into a new environment that she made not wish to DEAL with

- Has to deal with family members SHE doesn't know

- Has to know all the 'traditional' so-called "female duties" (Which should NOT be the case in 2009, but still is.)

- Does not know the family ways/rules/customs etc in the new household

- Feels alienated

- Has to deal with being separated from her family

I MEAN CLEARLY.. It's the GIRL who has to deal with the guy for the rest of her life... So the GUY'S FAMILY MIGHT AS WELL PAY FOR THE WEDDING.

I see no reason why not.

The GIRL is moving into the guys home. So the GIRLS family is at a loss.

In addition to that, the guys family STILL want the girls family to pay?!?!?!

That doesn't make any sense AT ALL.

So.. Since the boys family isn't losing anything/anyone at all.. The boys family should pay for the wedding etc...and NOT ask for dowry at all!!

Ah good old khalsa_girl_1, you failed to see he was joking

[Guest Guest]

khalsa girl ji,

If you are married then i must say your husband is GREAT, even GREATER are your in-laws.

If not, then don't worry your parents will find someone for you !

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Frankly all have some or other financial consideration while arranging a marriage otherwise why not

marry an orphan, a poor Sevadar etc

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For all,

As a matter of Public interest

How many Gursikh or Khalsa women (from Punjabi background) do you know, who are allowed to marry some guy entirely of their choice. Moreso how many are bold and independant enough to take marriage decision by themselves ?

So lets stop kidding !

In present times if one is SERIOUSLY looking for a marriage partner then he/she has to be PRACTICAL in their approach.

1. You only have the option to choose from the proposals available to YOU, rest is just fantasy.

2. If you are after Money then look for that, forget the rest. Similarly if after Visa or Immigration consider that compromise other aspects and so forth........

3. Don't wait all your life, take initiative.

[Guest Guest]

I believe the concept behind the girl giving, etc is also tied to the natural "giving" of a wife/mother. A mother provides her whole life, be it for her kids, herself and her family. When a part of her life is complete by living at her parents house, she now moves onto to give and provide (not money wise) to her jeevan saathi (husband) and her in-laws and future kids. Maybe the fact she brings a lot with her in her assistance.

Another reason may also be the fact parents never want to arrive at thier daughers home empty-handed or giving her nothing. This is why when she gets sent off, her parents provide her with many gifts and useful things to have that inner feeling of satisfaction and knowing that their daughter is well prepared for her new life and journey and nothing is lacking.

Today, dowry is simply disguised as gifts given by the parents such as new houses built for new weds, new beds, big monetary gifts and cars, etc on different occasions.

There is no inequality or greed embedded within these old rituals but to todays femenists it's a whole new perspective.

If women want equality, then remember, within equality there is no choice; both sides are the same.

In today's world, women often flower-pick what they want equality in and what their fine with in its current state. This is just one of the reasons i hate feminists. I encourage equality though.

@

[Papi]

In today's world, women often flower-pick what they want equality in and what their fine with in its current state. This is just one of the reasons i hate feminists. I encourage equality though.

I like!!!

Btw, try not to hate anyone for their views. We are all humans prone to mistakes. More importantly, hate and love are like water and fire, both can not reside in the same place at the same time. And we all know the importance of love :D

[Sukhdeep Singhh]

If their is equality in sikhi and np dowry then how come, bride's parents must pay for the wedding? I believe it should be 50/50 but my sister's soon to be in laws want us to pay for the wedding and then gift their family members gold, etc. I know it is an old tradition from when it was thought to be like dowry that the groom gets "payment" for being the one that now has to take care of the bride but seriously, this is old fashioned and just cultural, not religious.

The in laws r very religious but this is annoying. they keep saying, we want good food, good entertainment, this and that but aren't willing to pay even a little. they r in uk btw not india so i would have assumed they left behind this old mentality and moved on to the 21st century but i guess not.

my question: is this something that is cultural or according to sikhi? my parents don't want to force them to pay b/c they say they would treat my sister badly later on. I told my sis to find a guy on her own that is willing to leave on his own, not with parents as she is really stressed and unhappy about this.

Punjabi's r unfair and hypocritical. one on hand they say they r religious then they still want to be punjabi but lots of punjabi things don;t go hand in hand with religion. a lot of the traditions and cultures r sexist, etc.

anyways, rant over!

without a doubt I believe this is cultural and has no place in Dharma. In the old days there were no fancy expensive weddings. Granthis, raagis were not payed X amount of dollars to do seva. In addition there was no need to pay thousands of dollars for a DJ or a wedding hall so people can dance and get drunk. Langar was provided by both families or the sangat. Instead nowadays we like to make weddings up according to Hindu Cultural practices. For example, nowadays people give money to the brides family. There is a Hukumnama by Dasmi Paatshah in which Guru Ji states that dowry is striclty forbidden. A Sikh women princess of Sri Guru Gobind SIngh Ji is not a peice of property which can be bought through money. Dowry is a dehumanizing practice and has no place in Sikhi which believes in gender/race equality. Here is a nice video that shows a simple Gurmat Orientated Anand Karaj .

http://video.yahoo.com/watch/5326095/140413