Should You Follow Heart When Finding A Partner For Marriage?

[Guest Confused]

Hello everyone

I am a lil confused on what to do! my problem is that i have liked someone for a very long time and i know we are suppose to stick to arranged marriages for various reasons, but dont you think i will be cheating my partner if my heart is elsewhere!

I recently heard of a gursikh husband and wife from the UK that have spilt up because the wife had strong feelings for her previous boyfriend! she would not stop keeping in contact with him way into her marriage and their relationship paid the price, taking this into consideration dont you think it would have been best for her to marry the first guy! and not waste time with this new guy!

I would never want to cause such heart ache or family feud due to my heart being elsewhere, but then again do i go against tradition!

The sangats views would really be appricated, thanks.

[Papi]

If you think from your heart (emotions), you will not think from your brain (logic), which will definitely lead to problems in any relationship.

[Bundha]

If you like this person and this person likes you why not go to your respective parents and tell them and if they are happy with this arrangement then I see no reason why you cannot go ahead and marry this person. As long as all the parties are happy then there is no reason why it cannot go ahead.

In fact you are doing part of your parents job for them, instead of them finding you someone you have found someone, just get their blessing and God bless.

[AmarjitKaur]

If you like this person and this person likes you why not go to your respective parents and tell them and if they are happy with this arrangement then I see no reason why you cannot go ahead and marry this person. As long as all the parties are happy then there is no reason why it cannot go ahead.

In fact you are doing part of your parents job for them, instead of them finding you someone you have found someone, just get their blessing and God bless.

Things look easy, but they are not always easy. Once you go to the details, you feel like you are stuck in a situation. Only time tells then.

Just a general comment, don't know "confused" 's situtaion completely, so cann't comment much.

[Guest --gupt--]

GURU FATEH!

If u like someone & she also likes u & she belongs to sikh religion then what's the problem in that marriage relationship to be formed.

Don't get confused.Do puja & ardaas tell guru ji about u'r confusion & ask for help.

Just do u'r job of praying guru ji & ask for guidance then guru ji will definately help u to come out from u'r confusion.

If u take decision as a gurmukh & not manmukh then u will be in a right path & be able to do right decision.

So do ardaas & then left everything to guru ji.You be in peace.

Bul chuk mafa!

[Guest Guest]

I assume that 99% if not all had liking or more, for someone in school, college, uni, neighbourhood etc whether they admit it or not.

But how many actually managed to get married to that same person ?

It is inappropriate to judge and generalise others, their choices & circumstances.

There is no gaurantee what works for one individual will work for other or all.

Important thing to keep in mind is, what one sows, is what one reaps.

Confused ji,

It is best that you get view's from your parents in this regard rather than sangat.

After that decide what to do !

[Guest london_jatt]

why are there amrit-dharis or any sikhs doing boyfriend-girlfriend things in the first place if they believe in marital ceremony or anand karaj?

boyfriend and girlfriend things is basically for people who are not traditonal.

When 2 untraditional people decide to get married they are just using the ceremony as a ritual, they don;t need to get married because they are already lik ebeing married, just they started their partnership without a ceremony.

traditional people get married for partnership instead iof doing boyfriend-girlfriend things.

Many families have become liberal these days, not mattering on how religious/unreligious they are, however it is questionable on how dharmik they are.

[Guru_Da_Chella]

if you are amrit-dhari, why are you making girlfriend or boyfriend?

Isn't that like contradicting the fact you are trying to not go against tradition? (You want to remain traditional by marrying someone your family wants yet making a partner without doing marital ceremony or anand karaj is like very untraditional)

By the way, I made a more detailed post as being gupt, but for some reasons admins don't like it when someone posts about amrit-dharis dating in the GUPT section. Kinda makes me think what kinda advice they want to give out, or perhaps there are admins involved in such activites??? :o

"I recently heard of a gursikh husband and wife from the UK that have spilt up because the wife had strong feelings for her previous boyfriend! she would not stop keeping in contact with him way into her marriage and their relationship paid the price, taking this into consideration dont you think it would have been best for her to marry the first guy! and not waste time with this new guy!"

Forget the fact she didn't marry the first guy! Don;t do sangat of people who show themselves to be religious like being amrit-dhari, and then do this boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. I learnt the hardish way. Like when I was younger I thought it would be wrong to ever ask out amrit-dhari person, and then look at what I see happening in front of me when I step out of the gora areas and into the asian areas :o

....never again will I be able to like kuris that do this stuff Nowadays it doesn't shock me as much when religious people do dating partnerships.

I guess not all of us traditional indian families are religious, but at least we aren't into these liberal behaviour, and most of all we are dharmik.

Basically, you want to practise dharam by getting married to someone your family suports. yet, this dating stuff is adharmik. And that UK lady, she was doing one adharmik thing after another. IF you want to be religious, then please also learn to be dharmik. Dharam is very very important for a sikh.

and THANKS admins for not letting me do real-life posts like this as GUPT :| :6

[Guest justbehonest]

1. I think the guy she likes is a non sikh hence the problem of not knowing what to do...

2. I don't understand why you used an example of a rumour to support your suggestion that you should marry this man? Is this what you're going to base such an important decision? I rumour which may or may not be true.

3. Go and marry the guy that you're always thining of, a decent sikh man would be better of with a nice decent girl who loves him and not some guy she knew in the past.

[Guest gupt]

listen to amarjit kaur,london_jatt and guru da chela they speak the truth